A generation of porn induced sexual dysphoria

Hello, new to the forum,

Background:
34 years, my sexuality started by accidentally watching porn on TV, then realising i had reached puberty. 5-6 years of PMO until i had sex. Was never a premature ejaculator, but more and more i cant O with a girl unless doing it myself. Never had long relationships, and i blame PMO: if a girl seemed in any way a nuisance, porn was stable. Had lots of one night stands though.

Current problem:
Lately, i’ve realized that i’ve developed a specific technique to PMO: legs straight and flexed, bursts with very short pauses with the hand. Now i cant come unless doing that - occasionally i can come with a girl if i have straight legs while flexing them (most often while she is riding). I guess this is a type of death grip syndrome. Sensation during real sex has decreased.

Went on a 7 day streak just now, wasnt a problem... until a friend talked about callgirls, and i recalled him talking about it while at home. Watched lots of pictures of callgirls, without M’ing. Decided to visit one, to see how things were - maybe sensation was back? Well, short answer. Hard time keeping it up (maybe due to condom and the very non-personal approach to sex), and she had to finish using her hand, with me lying down (straight, flexed legs). Feels like a relapse, but at least she didnt use a hard grip, or bursts.

Guess the way forward is to get back on the horse, abstain for a period of time and then try again without the leg-thing. Done with call girls though, cannot recommend them.

It isnt a problem abstaining from P, but it was P that made me develop this “death grip” technique that no one but myself can do!

Any advice?

 

Goal: no more PM! O is now a thing that will happen with female companionship.

I however wonder whether it is beneficial to practice O’ing without the techniques i have been accustomed to. I see a danger zone of me going nofap, then once i let myself have sex again, i relapse into this old method, if i havent practiced relaxed O.

Also, how long should i go nofap?

Thoughts?

 

Thank you for your replies!

My goal is to abstain from PM forever (maybe PM could be justified in a retirement home, together with computer games and such... be a potato when you are a potato). I think sex is ok, if you can tolerate that you might not be able to O, or even fail at it - with comes down to self-confidence. And as long as you dont have sex often (giving it rest to heal).

So far, it haven’t been a problem. I once abstained for 14 days, but i did edge. It was an agreement with a GF that we would abstain until we met again (i was travelling). That was really, really tough. I would think about sex constantly, porn scenes ran in my head. Hard ons very often during the day.

I dont know why, but i have no thoughts about P now. I dont think about sex that much. I had a 5 day flatline this week, but still with morning wood. Its been easy these 13 days. I have become very positive, very flirtatious around attractive females by instinct (not because i actively think about getting in bed with them).

Now i am going to stop nicotine addiction aswell, which i have done before, so i know it isnt that hard if the motivation is there to endure urges. As with NoFap, it’s an art of distracting yourself - its about of mental hygiene, until the body and mind recovers.
Nicotine is a neurotoxin and vasoconstrictor, so for sure it plays a role.

I have never done PEDs, but i look like one who could have @ 5’11”, 205 lbs, benching 315 lbs. I know from a cardiologists that anabolic steroids enlarge the heart musculature (endotel), which can cause a variety of concerns, so that prevented me from going in that direction - along with the possibility of permanently decreasing natural testosterone production. I was close to doing it a number of times, so there’s also some luck involved in that i was not able to get it when the motivation was there.

Since starting NoFap, i have bought a new car, going overseas to work for two months, and real life seems more full of opportinities - more exciting. I guess this is because dopamine is something that is now achieved out there - not behind a screen. I also get caught up in conversations with random people i meet. I get more things done, and i think it will only increase once i no longer have nicotine cravings.

My only fear is that this could be a kind of manic period, followed by a low period.. which would be where relapsing comes in. Right now i only experience benefits, but burning out is something i have to watch out for. ATM i feel like there isnt enough hours in a day for all the stuff i want to do.