I’m seeing someone at the moment for the second time. We rekindled this summer after a 4 month break. The reason we stopped dating was because my head was cloudy after my long-term ex-girlfriend.
Anyway let’s move onto the point of this post shall we?
Last week we were laying in bed, having a heart-to-heart and she said something profound that no one has ever said to me:
“I worry about you... You seem like someone who’s always searching for something better and I’m worried you’re never going to find it.”
I replied: “I know, you’re right. I’m a seeker.”
She then said: “But you’ll always keep looking and miss out on what’s already in front of you. You need to be grateful for what you have otherwise I’m worried you’ll never be happy.”
I was dumbfounded. I’ve read and heard about gratitude, and I’ve even tried to practise it. But never have I had someone tell me so directly and personally it’s actually worrying that I keep “looking” for something new.
This is messed up for two reasons. Firstly, ironically, because I started thinking about my ex! I wondered if I had taken her for granted and should I have been more grateful for her rather than just dwell on the problems we had. Not ideal when you’re lying next to someone new. #Awkward
Secondly, more importantly; it made me realise how much porn has messed up my mind. “You’ll always keep looking,” were her words. Think about that for a moment... Sound familiar?
We always keep looking for the next clip or thumbnail. The better video which is going to give us a greater dopamine rush and an all new thrilling high! We can never just settle for what we have because porn has given us an unlimited supply of something new, better, unseen and supposedly more satisfying.
I then even started thinking about a different ex-girlfriend from my past. Her and I definitely had more serious problems and I don’t regret breaking up with her, but I do recall feeling more grateful after we broke up.
As for the most recent ex, I’m definitely thinking about the fond memories more now since I don’t have her. You don’t know what got until it’s gone. Which is clearly self sabotage and regret. Another flaw porn created.
This sh*t has messed my mind up more than I can comprehend sometimes. It’s as if I’ve been an alcoholic since I was 14. I’m now 34. Think about the effects of substance abuse on your physical and mental state for 20 years. Porn is no different.
And thanks to this girl I actually heard it from someone aloud. She doesn’t know about my addiction, but she knows about my depression (another thing also linked to porn). And I’m grateful for her poignant words last week, which I honestly think I’ll remember for life.
And for that, I can start to feel the gratitude she was talking about.
Anyway let’s move onto the point of this post shall we?
Last week we were laying in bed, having a heart-to-heart and she said something profound that no one has ever said to me:
“I worry about you... You seem like someone who’s always searching for something better and I’m worried you’re never going to find it.”
I replied: “I know, you’re right. I’m a seeker.”
She then said: “But you’ll always keep looking and miss out on what’s already in front of you. You need to be grateful for what you have otherwise I’m worried you’ll never be happy.”
I was dumbfounded. I’ve read and heard about gratitude, and I’ve even tried to practise it. But never have I had someone tell me so directly and personally it’s actually worrying that I keep “looking” for something new.
This is messed up for two reasons. Firstly, ironically, because I started thinking about my ex! I wondered if I had taken her for granted and should I have been more grateful for her rather than just dwell on the problems we had. Not ideal when you’re lying next to someone new. #Awkward
Secondly, more importantly; it made me realise how much porn has messed up my mind. “You’ll always keep looking,” were her words. Think about that for a moment... Sound familiar?
We always keep looking for the next clip or thumbnail. The better video which is going to give us a greater dopamine rush and an all new thrilling high! We can never just settle for what we have because porn has given us an unlimited supply of something new, better, unseen and supposedly more satisfying.
I then even started thinking about a different ex-girlfriend from my past. Her and I definitely had more serious problems and I don’t regret breaking up with her, but I do recall feeling more grateful after we broke up.
As for the most recent ex, I’m definitely thinking about the fond memories more now since I don’t have her. You don’t know what got until it’s gone. Which is clearly self sabotage and regret. Another flaw porn created.
This sh*t has messed my mind up more than I can comprehend sometimes. It’s as if I’ve been an alcoholic since I was 14. I’m now 34. Think about the effects of substance abuse on your physical and mental state for 20 years. Porn is no different.
And thanks to this girl I actually heard it from someone aloud. She doesn’t know about my addiction, but she knows about my depression (another thing also linked to porn). And I’m grateful for her poignant words last week, which I honestly think I’ll remember for life.
And for that, I can start to feel the gratitude she was talking about.
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