A Girl Said Something Profound To Me...

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by iaj, Aug 8, 2019.

  1. iaj

    iaj Fapstronaut

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    I’m seeing someone at the moment for the second time. We rekindled this summer after a 4 month break. The reason we stopped dating was because my head was cloudy after my long-term ex-girlfriend.

    Anyway let’s move onto the point of this post shall we?

    Last week we were laying in bed, having a heart-to-heart and she said something profound that no one has ever said to me:

    “I worry about you... You seem like someone who’s always searching for something better and I’m worried you’re never going to find it.”

    I replied: “I know, you’re right. I’m a seeker.”

    She then said: “But you’ll always keep looking and miss out on what’s already in front of you. You need to be grateful for what you have otherwise I’m worried you’ll never be happy.”

    I was dumbfounded. I’ve read and heard about gratitude, and I’ve even tried to practise it. But never have I had someone tell me so directly and personally it’s actually worrying that I keep “looking” for something new.

    This is messed up for two reasons. Firstly, ironically, because I started thinking about my ex! I wondered if I had taken her for granted and should I have been more grateful for her rather than just dwell on the problems we had. Not ideal when you’re lying next to someone new. #Awkward

    Secondly, more importantly; it made me realise how much porn has messed up my mind. “You’ll always keep looking,” were her words. Think about that for a moment... Sound familiar?

    We always keep looking for the next clip or thumbnail. The better video which is going to give us a greater dopamine rush and an all new thrilling high! We can never just settle for what we have because porn has given us an unlimited supply of something new, better, unseen and supposedly more satisfying.

    I then even started thinking about a different ex-girlfriend from my past. Her and I definitely had more serious problems and I don’t regret breaking up with her, but I do recall feeling more grateful after we broke up.

    As for the most recent ex, I’m definitely thinking about the fond memories more now since I don’t have her.
    You don’t know what got until it’s gone. Which is clearly self sabotage and regret. Another flaw porn created.

    This sh*t has messed my mind up more than I can comprehend sometimes. It’s as if I’ve been an alcoholic since I was 14. I’m now 34. Think about the effects of substance abuse on your physical and mental state for 20 years. Porn is no different.

    And thanks to this girl I actually heard it from someone aloud. She doesn’t know about my addiction, but she knows about my depression (another thing also linked to porn). And I’m grateful for her poignant words last week, which I honestly think I’ll remember for life.

    And for that, I can start to feel the gratitude she was talking about.
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2019
  2. Chappo030891

    Chappo030891 Fapstronaut

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    Bro, I am sending you love and positive thoughts. I am happy that you have a person care for you to say that, she seems to see you. I wish you'd learn lessons from your relationship with your ex and move on and have a great relationship with the current one, if thats what you want. Sometimes, its not worth it to trying to enter again when the doors are closed.

    PS: It was funny af when you mentioned #awkward :D
     
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  3. greenishmoon

    greenishmoon Fapstronaut

    That sounds like one of those divine moments that happens rarely, bizarrely and randomly sometimes in life.
    It is hearthwarming, what she said, and how it moved you.

    Cheers!
     
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  4. iaj

    iaj Fapstronaut

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    Thank you bro, I appreciate your words
     
  5. iaj

    iaj Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, you’re right. It was like divine intervention
     
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2019
  6. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing this, man. I strongly relate to that tendency to seek, look for, and sometimes unfortunately bypass what's here and now. For the utter disappointment of those who love me. There has been a great deal of improvement on that front when I started practicing mindfulness-based meditation (just through an app, it's a daily thing). Maybe you can benefit from this as well, and I surely wish you the best with this. My experience is that it can be countered for the better.

    A side note though, I deeply wonder if our 20+ years of seeking P has taught us to think that "better is around the corner", or that we've always been like this and just developed it more freely with that particular never-ending stream of content+pleasure. I mean, there are books and stories dating from all periods of history (i.e. up to times when P was widely available publicly) describing restless people who were always animated by the hunt for more, be it in "love", power, experiences, etc. Could that flaw be inherently human? Could P then be just another way of activating that flaw?
     
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  7. I think she was referring to herself and your relationship with her. Meaning that she is worried you are looking for something better (namely other women) and are not really grateful for what you already have (namely her). And that it will not make you happy (in your relationship with her). Profound it was, but maybe not in the sense you understood it...
     
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  8. MuzzyTheArab

    MuzzyTheArab Fapstronaut

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    I definitely agree with Charly on this one. However, if it helped you understand things in another way then I guess it was a good thing for her to say either way.
     
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  9. iaj

    iaj Fapstronaut

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    I totally agree and I clocked that too. In the past we stopped seeing each other because of my messy mind so she has reason to feel anxious this second time around. I know she’s indirectly telling me this (about herself) but I also gave her the benefit of the doubt to say it objectively. I know she cares about me as well as having her own interest at heart. But either way, what she said was true and I appreciated it.
     
  10. iaj

    iaj Fapstronaut

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    Exactly :)
     
  11. iaj

    iaj Fapstronaut

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    I think it’s both. We are innate seekers hence famous discoverers and travellers. However we’re also susceptible to addictive behaviours from adolescence and porn (since broadband and smart phones) has increased those behaviours.
     

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