A girlfriend trying to understand porn addiction

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Voyageusedutemps, Jul 25, 2018.

  1. Voyageusedutemps

    Voyageusedutemps Fapstronaut

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    Hi everybody,
    I'm new here and I don't really know the rules to introduce myself but I will try my best. I'm a 23 years old girl from France. My english is not perfect, you will probably found some grammar mistakes, not so much I hope.

    It's been a year that I am in a relationship with my 5 years old best friend. During this past first year, I discover that my boyfriend was a porn addict. He had a lot of difficulties to explain it to me at first but then, he said that I am the person he can talk to, so to have a 100% honest relationship, he decided not to be ashamed to put word on the problem he is confronting and ask for my help.

    So here I am.

    I grew up in a little city in france with only my father as a parent. My father wasn't a big fan of technology so the first time I used a computer, I was 12-13 years old. I discover Internet at that age. Porn was not a thing I knew about. The first time I saw something was at 14, when I wanted to watch a movie at home, and I played a videotape (yet, not a big fan of technology) and at the end of my movie, there was like 2 minutes of lesbian porn that was recorded.. You know, the kind of videotape that you can record other things over and over again on it.. anyway i was a little bit chocked and porn was in my 14-year-old-mind disgusting.
    I grew up my teen years pretty much typical, without looking at porn until my 19 or 20th years..
    I remembered that during a summer, I was a little bit curious and decided to see what it was. I tried a lot of different categories, hoping to find something that I can like.. But it never happened, so I decided to never go to porn websites again.
    Here is the all story of my porn video life haha.

    Sometimes, Porn appared in conversation with some of my friend, and few of them thought I was the kind of girl that can be chocked to see a dick, or a naked girl... I will not discribed myself this way. When I see a naked body, any gender, I see the beauty of the pictures, the angle, the beauty of the body but I have not a sexual view on them. For example, on Instagram, I am following a lot of "Suicide Girls" and there photos, I appreciate a lot of them, but never in a sexual view. I am more like "Oh, I love her tattoos, her hair.. or the way the pictures is taken..."

    Since february 2017, I'm dating my best friend. It was perfect.
    I notice that our sex life was a bit different than with my previous boyfriends.
    It was like "fellation is an obligation", "cunnilingus oh no, that disgusting", the speed of the penetration were very high, he was trying position I didn't knew about...
    And then, he had some trouble to have an erection. At this moment, he tried to explain to me his addiction.
    It's a very good point that he is aware of it. We had a lot of conversation, hours and hours and I tried to understand this thing that is pretty much unbelievable in my mind.
    He decided to reduce the number of visit he's making on porn website, to reincrease the effect real sex life can had on him.
    Our sex life is beginning to get normal, I am trying to explain him some "rules" that are in porn are not the same in real life.

    I am here today to read how I can help him, to understand a little bit more what he is going through that maybe he don't know how to explain it to me...
     
  2. Jinkazama

    Jinkazama Banned

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    Does he love you?
     
    JoePineapples likes this.
  3. Clean Plate

    Clean Plate Fapstronaut

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    It can be related to porn. And honestly, you have to know how long hes been into watching porn, how much he watches daily,etc. Ask him how long hes been into it. Then look for some people on here for advice. I used to watch porn everyday, I would masturbate about 3-4 times a day everyday. Its hard to break the cycle and it takes dedication and consistency to succeed.
    Porn can cause disinterest in real sexual experiences. If you can get him to talk about it more in depth (his history with porn) then it could be of benefit. There are alot of resources here. I would advice him to learn some things in this forum.
     
    Broken Beauty likes this.
  4. MuscularSherlockHolmes

    MuscularSherlockHolmes Fapstronaut

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    I believe @AnonymousAnnaXOXO has some real good information about this. Although it is more about married couples but I reckon some bits will be the same.
    @Voyageusedutemps you can try and contact her for more information.
     
  5. Jason_Tesla_19

    Jason_Tesla_19 Fapstronaut

    Welcome! I wish you the best in your relationships. I hope your boyfriend can heal properly, so you can have a healthy relationship, and not end up losing the friendship.

    Some English grammar tips:
    Names of languages, countries, and months are always capitalized: "English", "France", "February".
    "my 5 years old best friend" in English sounds like you are saying your best friend is a five year old child. If you say "my best friend of five years", then it sounds like you are saying he has been your best friend for five years.
    Instead of "choked", I think you meant "shocked". "Choked" is when someone can't breath. "Shocked" is when someone is surprised and maybe offended.
    Overall, you're doing a very good job with English. A lot of people say it's a very difficult language to learn. I know I struggle trying to learn other languages. I basically only know English, and a little bit of Spanish.
     
  6. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

    Check out my resources in my signature, it can be a difficult journey in the beginning but with resources and the people on NoFap you will find support and guidance.
     
  7. Love_rules50

    Love_rules50 Fapstronaut

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    It’s great that he has been so willing to be honest, and that you are so willing to listen. Well done! Keeping those lines of communication will help your relationship a lot. Have you told him exactly how his P use makes you feel? My SO had no idea how his behaviour was hurting me and became a big motivator for change. Would you feel comfortable sending him some of the articles on here? P can actually change the structure of the brain and thankfully, that can be reversed. There is another useful website that explains how P addiction affects the brain - yourbrainonporn.com
     
  8. Voyageusedutemps

    Voyageusedutemps Fapstronaut

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    Thank you ! Recently, we have talked a lot and I told him how I felt about this. I told him a found help online, and he said that he is ready to read some stuff. He asked a lot about what I've read, feels like he was asking if he is normal, if he is the only one..
    I will continue to check different posts in here

    Thanks everybody for answering my 1st post on this website !
     
  9. phuck-porn!

    phuck-porn! Fapstronaut

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    we all do this porn and masturbation thing in secret, assuming that we are the only one with the problem, the only one this broken and disgusting. Discovering that we are not alone is HUGE. Your boyfriend needs to know he is not a freak and not alone. try to get him on here with his own account.
     

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