A group for Recovering married PA’s with 7+ months of Sobriety

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by RecoveringLion, Oct 23, 2018.

  1. RecoveringLion

    RecoveringLion Fapstronaut

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    After seven months of successful recovery, the process starts to change. You most likely have systems in place, accountability, have gotten through the worst of withdrawal, etc. At this point we are more focused on our growth as men and individuals than we are on simply not acting out. We generally start to become less self focused and more outwardly focused.

    Who would be interested in a group for those of us with at least 7+ months of sobriety? Requirements are that you are married, 7+ months of no PM, already done a full disclosure with your SO, and have spent time in therapy.
     
  2. Banjaxed

    Banjaxed Fapstronaut

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    I’ll give you a call in 3 months...
     
    Trappist likes this.
  3. How would we meet?

    In a section like 40 plus where others can read or more private?
     
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2018
    kropo82 likes this.
  4. -Married
    -10 months sober; no pm
    -Not discovered, but told my wife the general outlines of my acting out.
    -Time in therapy only before realization and now focus on SAA.

    Extra credit?
     
  5. Does 90 days hard mode while married accelerate the timeframe? ;-)
     
  6. Banjaxed

    Banjaxed Fapstronaut

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    Ha yeah - my time has all been “hard” time, that has to count for something o_O
     
  7. JustSadPorn

    JustSadPorn Fapstronaut

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    @RecoveringLion, may I ask what you've seen happen at the 7 month mark? I'm curious why that time period of recovery is so significant. Can I look forward to meeting the "new and improved" version of my husband in 5 weeks when he hits the magic seven?! :)
     
    Trappist likes this.
  8. I had the same question.

    Doubt it’s a magic period,
    Suspect it’s more that
    the 200 day
    Sobrietist is cleaner,
    Past the intitial withdrawal
    And more into recovery development.

    Or some such reason,
    How would you describe
    Your SO at 6 months?
     
    JustSadPorn likes this.
  9. RecoveringLion

    RecoveringLion Fapstronaut

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    Actually Yes. If you can complete 90 days on hardmode then there is a level of maturity which would qualify in my opinion!
     
    Professor Abraham likes this.
  10. RecoveringLion

    RecoveringLion Fapstronaut

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    Looking forward to it!
     
  11. RecoveringLion

    RecoveringLion Fapstronaut

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    By full disclosure, I mean a guided revealing of your acting out. NOT all the nitty gritty details. More of a “I have been watching porn on and off for X amount of years.” Sounds like what you did qualifies.
     
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  12. RecoveringLion

    RecoveringLion Fapstronaut

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    Sorry if this got your hopes up, it wasnt intended to. Seven months is just indicative of a level of maturity and consistency that has been established by the PA. They are not necessarily any happier or better to be around at this point. In most cases, if he is going through a proper process, Month 12 -14 is when you will see real change GENERALLY starts to blossom.
     
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  13. Banjaxed

    Banjaxed Fapstronaut

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    I’ve done over 4 months hard mode (continuing), have 3 different counsellors and am almost entirely grey - I’m not sure what is more mature than that

    I realise this post may have reduced my chances of admission
     
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  14. JustSadPorn

    JustSadPorn Fapstronaut

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    Much improved from 4-5 months ago. It's still hard, because I can't predict what version of him I'll get from day to day. Recovery Husband is pretty great, and he's here most of the time. I don't see Addict Husband much at all, thankfully. But Sober-ish Husband is still hanging around, occasionally throwing himself pity parties and lying about dumb things.

    I would have been pleasantly surprised had you guys reported on this thread that after seven months, things level off. I just want to wake up next to Recovery Husband every day. Maybe I'll get that in another 6 months.
     
  15. Truly,
    from your lips
    to god’s ear.
     
    0111zerozero11 likes this.
  16. RecoveringLion

    RecoveringLion Fapstronaut

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    I am thinking maybe the requirements should be 90+ days of hard mode completed. That alone takes a level of grit and determination that I dont want to exclude from this potential group.
     
  17. NF4L

    NF4L Fapstronaut

    Count me in. Haven’t done therapy, but do group. Hoping to help and learn from and for each and every one of us.
     
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  18. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    I'm curious if you have given your spouse the opportunity to know as much stuff as she wants. Saying "I have been watching porn on and off for X amount of years" doesn't really do much for a traumatized wife.
    She's going to eventually remember a bad time her husband caused on vacation, & she's going to want to know if it was because he was needing his PMO & she were ruining that for him. Every time she has one of those thoughts, it retraumatizes her & she gets them more frequently as things become clearer. That's why full disclosure in a therapeutic atmosphere is crucial in the early recovery. She's not going to care if you are 3952 days sober, if you have not willingly provided all of the info she deserves & asks for.
    Also, it's a violation of human rights to pick and choose what your spouse knows...I'm just saying.
    Carry on, superior ones.
     
  19. @cakeinacrisis

    Ending with a zinger! Usually a way I know my SO is mad about something and may be correct in your observation. Or not in some cases?

    I disclosed and ‘came out’ to my wife when I initiated disclosure about my PMO addiction. And how I was going to work through to recovery.

    She knows I’m here and can read if she wants. It told her anything she wants to know; I will tell her anything if she asks, as well. She asks and I answer, keeping my recovery as part of how I’m doing as she tells me how she is doing.

    The disclosures vary from what I’ve seen in SAA may be based how how you ‘feel the fire or see the light’ to recover as some have noted.

    @RecoveringLion may have a better answer.
     
    0111zerozero11 likes this.
  20. Banjaxed

    Banjaxed Fapstronaut

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    Count me in then, if you’ll have me
     
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