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A journal

For Fapstronauts who are disciples of Christ

  1. Of temptation, the nature and power of it. It is part of a three book collection called overcoming sin and temptation.
    Yeah, and it is interesting how I have kind of known this, yet not understood how to put the knowledge into action. I am insufficient, so now what? Well if I am insufficient and the goal is to be holy, then I must put effort into seeing where I err. So that I can even start the quest for holiness. And then I can more clearly see where I need God's help and grace. But I have been very bad at looking into my soul, and seeking out the evil that lies within, so that God can help me with it.
     
    CPilot and Wilderness Wanderer like this.
  2. CPilot

    CPilot Fapstronaut

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    You are on the right path. I think we can all do a bit more when it comes to regularly/daily examining our conscience and seeking the grace to avoid temptation. I don't think our souls are the source of evil but rather our hearts and minds but perhaps these distinctions aren't the most important point for the struggle we are all focusing on here. Do what you do out of love for God and all of these things will fall into place.
     
  3. Rebooter2022

    Rebooter2022 Fapstronaut

    Well-meaning advice: No! Don't put your effort into looking at your own sin. That won't work! Fighting this sin will only make it worse. Here's where you err, in respect of this area: Looking at pornography and masturbating. Yes, there are surely things going on underneath this to discover, like perhaps fear and resentment and selfishness and unprocessed emotions etc. which you can hand over to God when you see them come up. But don't put your effort into fighting those either. Put your effort into relying on God, connecting with God, trusting God, surrendering to God, doing the simple things which your intellect tells you you need to do which actually doing is something different from.

    Tempted? Pray to connect with God. Reach out to meet with a same sex friend, confess to them your struggle. Tell someone you are struggling. Put your effort into connecting with God and others, refocusing on the good, to find freedom, not on searching out all your sin. Take it from me, that does not work and leads to misery. It's God's job to search our hearts anyway, so he is the best one to deal with our sin, when we sit and look at him, and hand ourselves and our sin over to him.

    <
    /impassioned rant>
     
  4. CPilot

    CPilot Fapstronaut

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    When I think about examining my conscience, generally I am thinking about recent events like, what did I do yesterday that was sinful or that could have led me to sin? I suppose this could fall under the category of recognizing triggers in order to avoid them in the future.
     
    SwedishViking and Rebooter2022 like this.
  5. RedeemedIowan

    RedeemedIowan Fapstronaut

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    This is really good stuff

     
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  6. You see, my issue previously was that I was almost pretending like my sin wasn't there. All I am trying to do now is to acknowledge when I sin, or when I am going in that direction, or entering temptation, I don't mean to remove my focus from God and look at sin instead. No! But if I am from repent of something, I must know what to repent from, and what to repent to. If I do what Jesus said, to watch. Then of course I will encounter sinful tendencies, so I must ask for help, repent, ask for help with doing the good things that are commanded, the things that are the love of God.

    So, I will not fully take your advice. I will take the God reliance part, the praying part, the focusing on God part. But I intend to also be watching, to acknowledge temptation/sin when it arrives. If I do what I said earlier, look at my sin, take it to God, ask for help, is that not God reliance? Is that not putting my focus on God? And also, if I can see my own brokeness, then I can see my great need for him. So I don't think it's either you look at your sin or you look at God. It can be that way, but optimally, I think one should lead to the other.

    It is God's job to search my heart as you say. It is his job to sanctify me, to save me, to be my defence and rock. My comfort, and help in time of need. But since when did that not require any effort on my part? It is God's job to search heart, so lets not put effort into that. It is his job to sanctify me, so let's not work on that. It is his job to save me, so let's not work on my salvation(Phil 2:12). He is my defence, so let's lie on the couch while he defends me. He is my comfort, so let's do some things that kills my peace. He is my help, so let's put my self in some dangerous situations, he will surely help me.

    I think this mindset is telling God, that I don't want him to work in me, to search me out. If I decide to sit down and ask God to reveal my soul to me, and I look into it. Then I think that is the work of the spirit, or it is me working because of the work of the spirit. And then if I feel discouraged by any sin, or the condition of my heart. Then I will trust God, that he will help me and encourage me in the time of need. I will first see the truth and be honest, and then I believe God grants me his peace.

    I appreciate your advice, and the time you take to help me, so I am sorry that I can't find it very helpful.
     
  7. Hello, I plan to start up this journal again after a few months. I don't know for how long, if this is temporarily or long term. It might depend on the mentorship at my church working as it should. But for now my mentor has not had time for me. So I see the need for fellowshipping with others who struggle like me, and I see the need for having somewhere to put my thoughts out. And to learn from others. Iron sharpens iron. I have found this group very helpful in the past.

    I have recently experienced how worthless the comforts of the world are, because of some suffering I am going through. The things they tell you you need. That you need to be attractive looking, to make a lot of money, to have the girl, the status and respect. And Christians have been telling me these things are not good enough for a long time. But that didn't seem to wake me up. I did intellectually understand these things are not good enough, but I did not fully put the knowledge to practice. Only somewhat.

    But now I have experienced that these things bring very little value. I understood it before, but now I have experinced it. You can't wipe your tears with a good social status. You can't find peace in the way you look. I have been kind of ugly because of acne, but now when most of that has cleared up it turns out I look pretty good(thank you God!). But there is no peace nor comfort in that. I can only find it in God. And again, I have understood this before. But because of suffering I get to clearly see this concept in practice. And that makes it a lot more powerful. So I hope these experiences burns into my memory forever.

    It is so easy to grow apathetic when things work out as they should. So God sends pain and suffering so that we make changes. So it was with Israel, and so it has been with me.
     
  8. I do not know if it is right to say that God sends us pain and suffering. We bring both on ourselves. Pain and suffering are simply the natural result of turning to anything other than God for satisfaction. God sends us a way back -- himself. Until we find rest in him, we will not know rest.
     
  9. I didn't know either if it was correct at first. But I thought there are some examples in the bible where he does that. Punishing David for example. But whether it is the natural consequences of sin, or punishment that makes us suffer. It still has a similar outcome.
     
  10. Hello! As you might have heard I am going through some rough times because of school-related stuff. However, I must say that I am recovering, and I do feel a bit more happy and optimistic. I think this is mostly because of the comfort I found in the promises in the bible. Especially what I found in the psalms. There are things like him being our defence, our help in time of need, that he will fulfil the desire of those who fear him, he upholds those who fall, he is near to all who call upon him, he raises up those who are bowed down. ( mostly psalm 145) These things have been glossed over in the past I think. But verses like these suddenly mean a lot when you are cast down.

    I have also had supporting family members whom believe I can keep moving forward. When I could scarcely believe it myself after all these failures. So it means a lot when others believe it is not over, I can keep going. And it is not over, this is an opportunity to grow, although it feels heavy.
     
  11. 7 days ago I relapsed not knowing why. My life and habits are somewhat the same, so I am thinking of what I am supposed to change. Because I believe something must change if I am to not relapse again. I have changed one thing. Previously when I had spare time in the evenings I would watch Youtube. But I have changed that since the past few days. Now I smoke a pipe and read a book in the evening spare time. This is a lot more fulfilling. I have found that I am not tempted when I do this. Maybe because I am focused on reading while at the same time being somewhat aware of the rhythm of smoking. It leaves no room for other thoughts. It is also a habit I can easily thank God for and give him the glory. He can be thanked for the the books, and for the tobacco he created.

    But I do wonder if I should do this everyday, it sure is more healthy than looking at screens for entertainment I believe, but it is not completely without risks either.
     
  12. Relapsed yesterday. I did not finish the session, it felt empty and unsatisfying so I stopped. It was a short p-session compared to what I usually do. I hope to keep in my memory how hollow and crappy the p experience is. I did not even like it, a fricking video game is more fun than p. Playing guitar is more fun, enjoying the great weather is better. Everything is better than p.

    Why did it happen? I track it back to struggles with sexual dreams, and struggles to keep the bad thoughts out. I dealt succesfully with that the day before yesterday when I stepped aside and prayed when a hint of temptation showed up. For some reason it didn't cross my mind to to the same yesterday. I will work on turning to prayer whenever temptation shows up.
     
  13. I've been struggling the last couple of weeks. Unfortunatly I have relapsed a few times so something is definetley wrong. Let me write what I think is the ultimate way to quit first, maybe you can see if I am wrong.

    Have a close relationship with God, so close so that God occupies your mind with his holiness all the time, this would make sin distasteful. The goal should be to focus on having this relationship, not to have good works or a nice big streak. The works flow from the relationship naturally when it is made the main priority.

    I think that paragraph describes the way out of our sinful behaviour. For me the questions and the problems come when I try to start pursuing this. So I might ask how I am to build this relationship, and the answers that come up are pray and read the bible (talking and listening). Other answers that come up are to stop doing activities that fill the mind with nonsense-- since it would be harder to hear God and to pursue him if my mind is occupied with how I am to destroy my enemy in Starcraft 2.

    But the latter answer fills me with questions. Am I trying to clean myself so that I can be with God, when it should be the other way around? Maybe I am-- since quitting activites often feel forceful and end up failing.

    To elaborate on this I wish to explain what happened when I got saved 4 years ago. I somehow found a distaste for my evil ways, and I found myself running to God and repenting. In one moment I was up late at night watching p, and I found myself disgusted with what I was doing, so I started crying. I asked God to make me stop watching, so I stopped and the next day I woke up in peace. And the next 5-6 months my mind was occupied with holiness and with the pursuit of God. I was not very focused on quitting stuff, it happened naturally. I felt no need to play video games, I felt no need to watch any self improvement content on Youtube, my heart was kinder, and I was exited to read the bible every day, it was a wonderful time. So I think I lived out the paragraph I wrote on how to quit.

    So when did it go wrong? Well I know I started playing video games some 4 or 5 months after salvation, if I remember correctly I think I started slacking in my spiritual habits as well. And I started to feel tempted to watch p. I was surprised since I thought I was cured. Eventually I gave in and relapsed.

    And since that relapse, it has often felt like I have to work and force myself to do good things. Oftentimes, after a relapse I come up with an exiting plan that I should use to quit. However, I never manage to stick to the plan I come up with. This is an indicator of doing things in the wrong order, cleaning myself so that I can be with God.

    So after all this my question now would be: How can I start doing things in the right order? So that good works flow out of my relationship with Christ.

    I will try to answer it myself first, and then you are more than welcome to comment on it. So I would say, we have some limited amount of willpower and capabilites to do good things. And we should spend all of this to be with God. So practically, if I find myself struggling to motivate myself to do some task, then I should not use my willpower to force myself to do that task. I should use it to pray and focus on God. And if I am correct, then the task I was supposed to do will be done effortlessly. If I find it hard to quit some behaviour or sin, then I should not use my willpower to force myself to abstain, I should use it to be with Christ, and then quitting will happen naturally. And eventually, I think we will not be using willpower at all to be with Christ, since we will long so much for him.
     
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  14. You are on the right track, I think. Life is not all prayer and Bible reading, but these things can become part of all the rest of it. No matter what you are doing, invite Jesus into it with you. No matter what occupies your time and attention, let the Truth be the constant undercurrent that empowers you continually.
     
  15. Rebooter2022

    Rebooter2022 Fapstronaut

    The trouble is that YOU can't stop this. You're powerless over it, clearly. Only God can give you the power to do it. So you've correctly identified that you should be using your willpower to turn to God and focus on him and good things, not to 'fight' sin. That's a good start.

    But if you are just spending time with God to beat porn, that can become just another way of fighting it yourself. Freedom and recovery are a gift we need to receive from God. That is the paradox of being set free from addiction by God.

    There is an ingredient you are missing, however. The ingredient you are missing is 'others'. We can't beat this on our own, even on our own with God. God has designed us in such a way that we need others too. So: Find a Christian recovery group, confess to a buddy or two, get some accountability--find some face-to-face support for this and it will die.

    If really nothing like that is available, I recommend Sexaholics Anonymous. They have groups and meetings all over the world. Get in an SA group, get a sponsor and start working the steps. The steps will give you a scaffolded way to exercise your willpower by focusing on God and things other than your addiction. God will grant you freedom if you humble yourself to connect with him with the help of others.
     
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  16. Muha22

    Muha22 Fapstronaut

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    Have u thought about what is the root of your addiction . PMO is usually not a cause but a result of something wrong in our life . What leads you to PMO are you trying to escape something, are u using it to cope with negative emptions , is it due to some trauma in your life . Just stopping watching P is not enough if u don't address the underlaying issues
     
  17. I have been thinking of this often. And it has been a struggle to think of someone who I can confess to. But I will pray about this. I have been thinking of all that you wrote actually, but am I using those thoughts correctly? I don't know. I think I sometimes think of spiritual duties as a means to quit sin, and that is an issue of my heart that needs sorting out, not that spiritual duties are not helpful. However, they do need to be put in the correct context. If I had a heart that prayed solely out of love for God, and for the enjoyment of his prescense, then I think it would be in a good place.
     
  18. The last two weeks have been calm temptation-wise. I have practiced the idea I previously wrote about. However, I have not confessed my sin to anyone, partly because I don't know to whom I should. But the Lord has now showed me an appropriate person, so I have no excuse. Prayers are appreciated.
     
  19. Let us know how the conversation goes!
     
    Wilderness Wanderer likes this.
  20. Rebooter2022

    Rebooter2022 Fapstronaut

    Remember about 99% of men have masturbated in their lives, 60% of men regularly masturbate, about 50% look at porn, and about 5% have an extreme 'sexual addiction'. Christian or not.

    (Christians might also identify as 'addicted' even though they don't meet the world's standards for the word, because they have higher standards and know slavery when they see it.)

    Chances are the person you confess to will struggle, or have struggled, with the very same thing.

    Go well!
     

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