A Journey back home: reclaiming who I really am!

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Randylobers, Jun 9, 2021.

  1. Randylobers

    Randylobers Fapstronaut

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    Greetings my friends,
    Hope you all are for some motivation, insights,strategy : well, this might help you.

    The article is divided in following pieces:
    1)My story
    2)Why I decided to leave this burden of Pornography?
    3)My way, that WORKED FOR ME:
    4)message for you

    These will be in written in BOLD,so,you can quickly skip to information,you're looking for:
    so,Let's begin:

    P.S.:'The content below,is my personal experience,not a generalization. If any part of the content hurts you or somewhere doesn't resonate with you, I apologize, know that It was never my intention'


    1)my background: just like any fapper, exposure to porn in early life, years of misery.Then,having realisation of what I was doing,came to know about PORN AS ADDICTION. THen,trying various methods ,on /off streak .

    This is a journey,live like one. Try,fail,rise up and learn and keep walking.

    2)Why I decided to leave this burden of Pornography?

    Life became a big burden for me, I had lot of issues,which were not naturally present. Hence, reasons are:
    a)Strange fetishes developed: Naturally, I am a softcore,delicate and romance loving person,that is my natural. I have always desired to get married, share beautiful moments with my wife/lover only,not someone I didn't connect deeply.

    But strangely, with compulsive use, I became interested in INCEST SEX- Mother son and Mature women with young guys.
    Also,obsession with chubby women, big boobs and ass developed,which was not natural setting.

    b)Desensitisation: My brain became numb to small events and even big in life and was simpy ,bored of reality. I started hate to WAIT, BECAME IMPATIENT -in life and with people. The small things- SMILE OF PEOPLE,WIND BLOWING BY FACE etc. just didn't matter.

    3)Objectification of people: this was worst. I literally,just never used to see people faces, for so many years,their eyes .I saw them as objects(unintentionally), as a means for something,as robots, with no emotions; EVEN MYSELF,I USED TO SEE AS AN OBJECT,WASN'T HUMBLE WITH MYSELF AND OTHERS.

    4)poor personal life: I always felt ashamed,guilty and BAD ABOUT myself.
    I always knew,I can do better, Ihave potential ,but still was not able to do it.
    I settled for mediocrity,as had no energy,motivation to work hard. I BECAME HIGHLY CRITICAL OF MYSELF,ASLO,STARTED TO HATE MYSELF.

    5)FELT LIKE I AM LIVING A LIE: This just hit me. I always had this void within,while consuming pornography,always felt,I am betraying myself, I am lying to myself,this is not what I really want. HENCE,WANTED TO CHANGE AND BE MYSELF.


    3)MY STRATEGY:

    so,I tried all the conventional methods,that we all know:
    1)maintaining calendar 2)being sober for certain days etc

    A)what worked for me:
    I realized: a)URGES ARE A THOUGHT and contain energy with them.
    2)This (porn addiction)is a deep rooted habit and has lot of triggers,hence ,need for self awareness,to know trigger.
    3)This is a journey- there will be fall ,rise etc. ,MERE STAYING SOBER FOR FEW DAYS IS NOT THE GOAL,thing is to change lifestyle and habits.

    strategy:
    Since,URGE IS A THOUGHT, and whatever I resist ,persists and GROWS.

    if you realise,that whatever you say 'no' to ,mind will do that only.

    hence,I would suggest use positive statement as goal: Ex: '30 DAY SEMEN RETENTION' OR '90 DAYS A FULL REST TO BRAIN FROM ALL ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION"

    I deleted this NO word and had no objections with the PMO i.e. I didn't put my focus on 'NO'

    BUT I MADE MY GOAL as " BECOMING WHO I AM'

    SO,for,this ,I decided to give this break of 90 days to brain.

    hence forth, WHENEVER THE THOUGHT/TRIGGER ARISED(you have to cultivate awareness, writing your thoughts will help) ,I didn't fight it, resist or didn't gave any reaction.
    RATHER, took a breath, and simply acknowledged:'MY MIND DESIRES TO HAVE SEX/WATCH PORN' smile, breathe.


    You may write this down. Also,write down,what made it do so?
    ->some person
    ->some mental stae(fear,anger etc)
    -> is it an escape from problems? etc

    This would help you develop AWARENESS ABOUT YOUR ADDICTION,TRIGGERS AND YOURSELF (MIND'S PATTERN OF WORKING)
    This would require practice,but will be helpful.

    B)OTHER things are:
    when urges hit:
    - do pushups
    - go and sprint in home only/or outdoors
    - deep breathe for 5 mins
    -write down abt your environment,triggers and thougts and genre of porn,mind desires to watch.

    else:
    - INSTALL a PORN BLOCKER,choose a credible app,not random.
    - deactivate social media(if possible)
    - Disable Youtube(I DID IT)
    the methods are endless

    4)MESSAGE FOR YOU:
    1)IHAVE been on this journey of reboot,for over 3 years: UPS AND DOWNS, educating myself about this addiction and reading many books and watching videos. Hence, These methods have evolved,by trying .
    They might seem useless to you or might not work for you. don't lose heart ,keep trying,you' ll discover your strategies.

    2) This is a journey,there will be ups,downs, tougH days. KEEP MOVING. If you fall (relapse),be humble to yourself, you're doing this first time, you're not an expert in this, so ,pick yuorself up and remind yourself:"you're not level zero. you have made some progress and this is a journey- ups and downs. KEEP MOVING.' I HAVE FAILED,EVERYONE HAS FAILED,BUT FAILING DOESNOT MEAN,YOU'RE USELESS. IT IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN AND BECOME HUMBLE.

    3) BE YOUR ON LIGHT: There is ample of information on this thing. Almost every youtuber is making video on their SUCCESS STORIES on nofap . DON'T TRUST ALL,NOT ALL ARE TRUE. Only few are true.

    only read and see credible sources:


    MY RECOMMENDATION:
    1)YOUR BRAIN ON PORN
    :- by GARY WILSON( He is no more,RIP)
    THIS IS A BIBLE ,AND ENOUGH .

    2) youtubers like:NOAH B CHURCH AND GABE (RECOVERY NATION)
    (MY PERSOAL OPINION)

    with this I end my case. I have tried to be honest and share all I can.
    hope it helps

    LAST POINT: DON'T BE OBBESSED ABOUT BENEFITS OF NOFAP OR STREAK DAYS.
    they became irrevelant after a time.

    ALSO,YOU CAN STUDY /WATCH ECKHART TOLLE AND OSHO TEACHINGS., THEY WILL HELP YOU IN LIFE TOO. (PERSONAL OPINION)
     
    Toni7 likes this.

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