A Letter From Former Porn Star

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by ecd, Aug 5, 2021.

  1. ecd

    ecd Fapstronaut

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    To all PORN FILM addict by Shelley Lubben:

    (Dedicated to all the porn actresses who caught HIV, died from drug overdose and committed suicide.)

    Sex-packed porn films featuring freshly-dyed blondes whose evocative eyes say "I want you" is quite possibly one of the greatest deceptions of all time. Trust me, I know. I did it all the time and I did it for the love of money. I never liked sex. I never wanted sex, and in fact I was more apt to spend time with Jack Daniels than some of the studs I was paid to "fake it" with. That's right, none of us freshly-dyed blondes like doing porn. In fact, we hate it. We hate being touched by strangers who care nothing about us. We hate being degraded with their foul smells and sweaty bodies. Some women hate it so much they can be heard vomiting in the bathroom between scenes. Others can be found outside smoking an endless chain of Marlboro lights…

    But the porn industry wants YOU to think we porn actresses love sex. They want you to think we enjoy being degraded by all kinds of repulsive acts. The truth, porn actresses have showed up on the set not knowing about certain requirements and were told by porn producers to do it or leave without being paid. Work or never work again. Yes, we made the choice. Some of us needed the money. But we were manipulated and coerced and even threatened. Some of us caught HIV as a result of that coercion. I personally caught Herpes, a non-curable sexually transmitted disease. Another porn actress went home after a long night of numbing her pain and put a pistol to her head and pulled the trigger. Now she's dead.

    It's safe to say most women who turn to porn acting as a money-making enterprise, probably didn't grow up in healthy childhoods either. Indeed, many actresses admit they've experienced sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse and neglect by parents. Some were raped by relatives and molested by neighbors. When we were little girls we wanted to play with dollies and be mommies, not have big scary men get on top of us. So we were taught at a young age that sex made us valuable. The same horrible violations we experienced then, we relive as we perform our tricks in front of the camera. And we hate every minute of it. We're traumatized little girls living on anti-depressants, drugs and alcohol acting out our pain in front of you who continue to abuse us.

    As we continue to traumatize ourselves by making more adult films, we use more and more drugs and alcohol. We live in constant fear of catching AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases. Every time there's an HIV scare we race to the nearest clinic for an emergency checkup. Pornographers insist on giving viewers the fantasy sex they demand all the while sacrificing the very ones who make it happen. In other words, no condoms allowed. Herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, and other diseases are the normal anxieties we walk around with daily. We get tested monthly but we know testing isn't prevention. Besides worrying about catching diseases from porn sex, there are other harmful activities we engage in that are also very dangerous. Some of us have had physical tearing and damage to internal body parts.

    When porn actresses call it a day and head home we attempt to have normal healthy relationships, but some of our boyfriends get jealous and physically abuse us. So instead we marry our porn directors, while others prefer lesbian relationships. It's a real memory making moment when our daughter accidentally walks out and sees mommy kissing another girl. My daughter will vouch for that one.

    On our days off we walk around like zombies with a beer in one hand and a shot of whiskey in the other. We aren't up to cleaning so we live in filth most of the time, or we hire a sweet foreign lady to come in and clean up our mess. Porn actresses aren't the best cooks either. Ordering in is normal for us and most of the time we throw up after we eat because we're bulimic.

    For porn actresses who have children, we are the world's worst mothers. We yell and scream and hit our kids for no reason. Most of the time we are intoxicated or high, and our four year olds are the ones picking us up off the floor. When clients come over for sex, we lock our children in their rooms and tell them to be quiet. I used to give my daughter a beeper and tell her to wait at the park until I was finished.

    The truth is there is no fantasy in porn. It's all a lie. A closer look into the scenes of a porn star's life will show you a movie that the porn industry doesn't want you to see. The real truth is we porn actresses want to end the shame and trauma of our lives but we can't do it alone. We need you men to fight for our freedom and give us back our honor. We need you to hold us in your strong arms while we sob tears over our deep wounds and begin to heal. We want you throw out our movies and help piece together the shattered fragments of our lives. We need you to pray for us so God will hear and repair our ruined lives.

    So don't believe the lie anymore. Porn is nothing more than fake sex and lies on videotape. Trust me, I know.
     
  2. Mr.Tony

    Mr.Tony Fapstronaut

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    Wow man, That's really sad...

    When they smile they seem to enjoy it, they seem to like it. They were all smiley and happy... The truth is something else.
     
  3. like2throw

    like2throw Fapstronaut

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    I had to stop reading because some of it was too much. This is why NoFap is so great, and why real men giving it a go and wanting to abstain from PMO do it. It's literally saving lives.
     
  4. PeaceOnEarth108

    PeaceOnEarth108 Fapstronaut

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    I already made the decision to PMO and nothing could stop me. Then I read this letter but I knew it couldn't prevent a relapse. Then I started watching P but it was somehow boring because now I saw the actresses and actors more like humans and it didn't turn me on anymore. So I switched to animated P.
    But still I'm very thankful for you sharing this. I think it helped me a lot on my journey.
     
  5. RavenGT

    RavenGT Fapstronaut

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    They chose this life

    No one forced them so why care?
     
  6. Mercy.
     
  7. Lumkalak

    Lumkalak Fapstronaut

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    That's quite harsh and arrogant, mate.

    You and I, we both wank. We suffer from it. But we do it ourselves.

    Who forces you when you masturbate? So if you relapse, why care?

    If you struggle in life, why care? Is it my problem, aye?

    Or maybe have some compassion to those who are willing and trying to better their ways. Not everybody can be helped and saved, but those who are trying... Don't spit on them.
     
  8. RavenGT

    RavenGT Fapstronaut

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    I dont expect sympathy if i had relapsed

    I dont expect anyone to care about me

    I expect nothing so i can never be disappointed
     
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2021
  9. like2throw

    like2throw Fapstronaut

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    Often they're trafficked into it
     
  10. Lumkalak

    Lumkalak Fapstronaut

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    That's very sad to hear.

    I might sound hippie to you, but you are worth more than that. You are worth of care and compassion.

    Everybody is. Their deeds may be punished and abhorred, but as mere mortals... Everybody is worth loving.

    Hopefully you can find somebody who loves and cares about you.

    You may wanna sound tough, but your words are not wise.
     
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2021
  11. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, it's all very sad and stuff, but go on the first random porn site, look through the first 30 or so results and ask yourself how many of those "actresses" are even remotely likely to have anything to do with physical abuse, alcohol, drugs and so forth. Let's face it, 95% of them are simply sluts who crave attention and come from / live in disturbing backgrounds. That's probably because the vast majority of porn in circulation is semi-professional at most (meaning there's some people who do it for money or because they're perverts, but don't necessarily run huge production companies etc.). The "actresses'" effort in recording this trash isn't very intense, hence there's no need for significant abuse.

    Of course, there still are and will be "victims of the porn industry", but I'm just saying this to put the thing in perspective.
     
  12. ecd

    ecd Fapstronaut

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    So you think the porn actors & actresses are happy in their career ?
    Then I see 3 possibilities:

    1) I've seen/read many documentaries, articles, surveys, which says otherwise. Did you also come across many sources which built your side of opinion ? If you saw/read only couple of sources which are highly individual opinions then I would say that's not enough input to built your opinion, because in any area of life the respective business owners will always try their best to spread their propaganda to keep their business going.

    2) If indeed many sources made your opinion then I would like to analyze that further ?
    3) But if you just made your opinion in your head, then anyone including me will straightway reject that.
     
    ANewFocus and like2throw like this.
  13. ecd

    ecd Fapstronaut

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    Ironical! What are you doing here in nofap community then ?
     
    Rostrock47, Glossi3r and AJ777 like this.
  14. RavenGT

    RavenGT Fapstronaut

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    So i can stop fapping and improve myself and possibly help others obviously

    Expecting nothing doesnt mean i cant pursue something
     
  15. ecd

    ecd Fapstronaut

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    Ironical again! Why only you have the right to "improve" & not the porn actors & actresses ?
     
  16. RavenGT

    RavenGT Fapstronaut

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    That doesnt even make sense

    Just because i expect nothing doesnt mean myself and others cant improve ourselves
     
  17. ecd

    ecd Fapstronaut

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    If porn actors & actresses want to improve, why does not it make sense to you ?
     
  18. Lumkalak

    Lumkalak Fapstronaut

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    RavenGT, I appreciate this one.
     
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2021
    RavenGT likes this.
  19. Meshuga

    Meshuga Fapstronaut

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    I looked a little further into this. Shelley Lubben worked as a prostitute from age 18-26, and in porn from 1994-95, appearing in 15 films. She converted to Christianity, got a degree in theology, and claimed that she cleaned up. About a decade later she began reaching out to actresses in the industry through social media, and eventually launched Pink Cross, an anti-porn advocacy group. However, a few actresses who responded to the group and asked for help say she was a predator who used them and did not help. There are claims that Pink Cross was a tax dodging scam, that Lubben remained addicted to alcohol and prescription drugs despite her claims that "God healed" her, her theology degrees were from unaccredited diploma mills, and her own family has discredited portions of her testimony. She closed Pink Cross in January 2016, and died in 2019 at the age of 50. No cause was given.

    I have two takeaways from this information. First, Lubben was motivated by money and attention, and leveraged her background in porn to get it. We can't trust what she says here, and even if we could, she describes the industry from 25 years ago. Second, people did reach out to Pink Cross. They didn't get the help they wanted, but they did want help.

    I can't say if the women in P are oppressed trauma victims or sluts. It's a mix of both I suspect, and you can't tell the difference just by looking at them. Whether or not P is good for the performers, though, is not the most relevant. It helps to dispel the fantasy, like it did for @Christoph108 , but in the end we don't quit P for them. We know for a fact P is bad for us, and that's why we quit.
     

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