A moment of pure honesty

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Andreid, Oct 29, 2017.

  1. Andreid

    Andreid Fapstronaut
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    Hello everyone! I joined this community last year on December because I was really depressed and I wanted to change something in my life. I was lonely, no girlfriend, a few friends, no social skills and a big addiction for PMO. I PMO'd like 1-2, sometimes even 3 times a day. Shortly, I was a mess!

    The first time I found this website, was on 26th December 2016 and I liked the concept and the honesty of all the users. Some of them were in an awful state, some managed to succeed in their way of self-improving. I decided that it's a good opportunity for me to do the same and to join this challenge. So from that date, I managed to do the No PMO challenge for almost 6 months.

    The main reason I did this was because I was suffering from PIED. I had a bad experience with my first girlfriend in 2014 and that's why I decided to end our relationship in 2015 because I felt to awkward. That was a difficult moment in my life, but I don't want to complain because I improved a lot of aspects in my life since then.

    On October 2015, I decided to give up smoking. I was smoking an average of 10 cigarettes per day and that led me to suicidal thoughts. I believed that this must be the first aspect in my life to be changed and it improved my psychical health a lot. I was also doing sport in the mean time ( running, krav maga, push ups etc.), but I wasn't fully committed and in short time, I gave up to this.

    In the beginning of 2016, I had a new girlfriend, but that relationship didn't last too long, it lasted like a week, because I still had some confidence issues and she decided to break up with me. I felt devastated and I cried for a few days because I felt like she is a keeper in my life, maybe that's why I was desperate and I couldn't control myself.

    Later that year, I started working as a programmer and I began to feel more confident. I didn't had problems with money, because I was paid pretty good for a starter in his professional life. But what's the point in having a great financial status when you don't have someone to spend the money with, someone with who should invest your money and time with? My depression was still there and I was lost again, this time with a bit of hope in my mind.

    I decided to go to the next step and join NoFap and since then, I saw a lot of improvements. As I told at the beginning of this post, I almost managed to do 180 days of No PMO challenge but I relapsed. Why I did this?

    On the end of March 2017, I started dating a girl I met on Tinder, a girl that was very pretty and very friendly. I liked her and we understood in many aspects, one of them was the fact that we were both in our final year of bachelor studies and we supported each other all the time.

    But with all the support, I felt under pressure. I didn't have free time in that period because of work and college and I also didn't have time to go with my girlfriend and I had that weakness moment when I started watching porn again and relapsed in the middle of June. And I started with my old routine again, 1-2 times a day of PMO.

    Me and my girlfriend managed to finish our bachelor degree by the end of July and we had more free time, each one of us. I decided that it's a great time now to go on vacation with her, because that I was my dream since was little, to discover the world with my loved one.

    Unfortunately, she decided to spend her time going to job interviews all the time and to study more, in order to improve herself. I completely understood her, because I was in the same situation.

    In the end she finally managed to start working in September, but she had a complicated job, because she had to be present there like most of the time and I still wanted to go places with her. She somehow rejected all my future ideas I had with her, even a simple evening out to a concert in the town. She told me that next day she needs to study for work, even though it was Sunday then. I lost my mind in that moment, because all my plans were ruined and she didn't care by the way she was reacting. I told her it's sad she chooses career over the important ones and we didn't talk till next evening when she texted me she wants to break up with me. I realised then she didn't care about me as she pretended to. I was still PMO'ing, but I started to go to the gym in August and now I am more committed than I was 2 years ago.

    Now, I have 8 days of no PMO and with the help of gym and some cardio exercises I want to stay positive and become a better person. I still need some social skills improvement, especially with girls I'm attracted to, and also a good diet that will help me physically and mentally.

    Thank you for reading this long post! I needed to share this story here in order to hear your opinions, advice and suggestions. My evolution journey still has a long way in front of me and I think it's better to share it with all of you guys out here, because you completely understand me.

    P.S.: sorry for my bad language! :D
     
  2. Hi andreid! Only advice I can give you is stay away from P and P substitutes forever, if you MO, do it without P. Also, meditate, it's huge, believe me, you may not see the benefits soon, but after a year, you won't regret it, but you'll also see some benefits along the way, so it's not a complete lost lol

    also try reading more, helps you speak better (not saying you speak bad, just in general good for you), exercise a few times a week and up your vegetable and fruits intake (80% vegetables and 20% fruits ratio)
     
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  3. James232

    James232 Fapstronaut

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    That's a ton of improvement in 2 years by the sounds of it. You should be proud! I know it's hard to accept it as such, but think about it this way; if she didn't care about you in the first place then she saved your time and effort by breaking up with you. You have more time, money, and energy to spend on improving yourself and finding someone who actually does give a fuck. Stay on track bro you're doing great things!
     
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  4. Andreid

    Andreid Fapstronaut
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    Thank you for advice! I'm trying to give up P and also M. I think it's better if I make my life harder without any kind of sexual release, except wet dreams or sex with some women. This will get out of my comfort zone and I think will improve my social life with women. I will look up on meditation, many people told me about it and I will sure try it some time when I will be prepared.

    Yeah, I know, I have some issues relating facts and stories, I will definitely consider improving that and also my English skills!

    Thank you! I really am proud and I know it's better know that I am single than with someone I don't get along with. Each day I'm doing some improvements to my life, I learned some things about patience and I will surely see more results in the future.

    Thank you once again guys for your support! I also wish you the best on your road!
     
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  5. Zapster21

    Zapster21 Fapstronaut

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    You just have to wait for the right girl! The right girl for you will make you the main priority of her life. Stay strong, she is out there :)
     
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  6. Hi I think you make some very good decisions already.
    Stop smoking, you want to stop PMO, although sometimes you fall back in old habits.

    Your focus is on being together with a girl, but please, first learn to be happy with yourself.
    First learn to be alone with yourself. The reason you watch P can be that you strongly need some confirmation.
    If you need a girl for this, you will be disappointed again and again. Make yourself important, keep your goals in mind and trust on the fact that if you are ready and clear (that is free from PMO) there will be a girl on your path who fits to you.
    And in my opinion I would add: and if there will be no girl on my path, I still can be happy with myself :) I am 43 years old without partner, but with Jesus, and I am more happy than the years I spent with a woman.

    Do one step a time. Be kind and merciful to yourself. God and life is merciful to you as well.
    Look what life is giving to you: time, food, your body, sunlight and warmth, beautiful nature in flora and fauna, the beach and the sea, people and animals to love and to care.
    It's up to you if you focus on the good things and feed yourself with that kind of energy, or to focus on the wicked and bad things (porn IS wicked.....), which costs you lots of energy.
     
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  7. Andreid

    Andreid Fapstronaut
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    Yes, I know there is a girl that will make a fulfilled person and I will do the same for her! I'm waiting and improving myself till then! Thank you for reply!

    You are right! I need to be happy with myself, first! And for that I need to change a lot of aspects of my life till then. Maybe that's why I am single now, to have more time accepting myself. Unfortunately, I don't believe in religion, I believe everything comes from inside, all the light, all the power, everything.

    Thanks for all these advice and I wish you the best in finding your soulmate fast!
     
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  8. I guess she has been born already :)
     
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  9. Andreid

    Andreid Fapstronaut
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    Or maybe not! You might be the new Hugh Hefner! :D
     
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  10. Sorry but I don't like you comparing me with such a man, I feel no respect for.
    So I'm missing the content of your joke completely.
     
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  11. Andreid

    Andreid Fapstronaut
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    Sorry for that, I had no intention to make you feel bad!
     
  12. I know.

    But to be compared with a man who is partly responsible for problems we all have to deal with here, is not ehhh funny.
     
  13. HegHeu

    HegHeu Fapstronaut

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  14. Andreid

    Andreid Fapstronaut
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    Hey guys,

    After a long time I'm back here. I did some progress regarding some other aspects in my life and no progress with other.

    On the beginning of February I managed to give up on alcohol and weed, especially the first one, because at least once a week I always drank at least 2 glasses of something. I decided to do this change in order to start having fun without drinking or smoking or anything like that and I wanted to build up my self-esteem. It worked great, I did some progress and I'm looking forward for more.

    One other important aspect I did this last months was going to a dancing class. I started 2 latino styles that involve dancing with someone which is also great for building confidence. I improved my posture and I started to have less issues looking into someone's eyes and smile at them.

    But, there is still something that still bothers me a lot after all this time. I still have big issues controlling my PMO addiction. During the last month, almost everyday I relapsed and I feel pretty bad for that. I can't control myself and it kills me on the inside. And because of that, I'm having trouble starting a conversation with attractive girls and I can't invite a girl out unless I do this online. I was using Tinder to talk to girls, but I got pretty disappointed in some cases about how the things went. I still suck a lot on this aspect and everyday I'm having some dark thoughts when I realize I don't have enough trust to go to a cute girl and getting her number or inviting her out.
     

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