First of all: my english isn´t that good, so sorry for spelling mistakes! I´m 30 years old. My parents told me that I liked to hang out in front of the TV as a child. So at that point I was like 5 years old or sth. I liked it so much that I even got up in the middle of the night and turned on the TV. Fortunately, my parents caught me at one time or another and saw that I had, of course, unknowingly, unintentionally - pornos on the eyes. (Then my parents were so nice to work sth out, so I could not turn on the TV) Later, so with 10, I've been digging our VHS tapes and found an 80s Beate Uhse video. When I was alone at home, well .... But definitely without masturbation, only a good feeling (Masturbation came with 12). Between 12 and 15 I discovered FHM and Playboy. At 16 - first PC and Internet connection. From now on ... phew I believe it did not go 1-2 days without any click. I was always online gaming with friends from RL. And from then on, the subject of porn always followed me. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Sometimes I had a girlfriend, sometimes not, but I think, like the majority of the youthful guys, porn and photos of naked women glared and stuck anchored in the head. My social life has happily never suffered from it, but I think that´s simply luck because I´m an open extrovert type innately. Between 21 and 24 sometimes I had a number of ladies at the same time and had not even really done something for it. Still, porn was a part of my life everyday. Then there was also the beginning of my first fetish (shemale). I thought at first: yes hey, then that is just my way how I want to live out my sexuality ... hahaha forget it. At this time, the fetish was only on the screen. At 26, I met my ex. We moved relatively quickly together and so it had to come out, of course, that I always look some porns. At first she did not accept it at all, but she forced herself to do and live with it (because I was so firmly convinced, watching porn is normal, everyone is doing it, masturbation is my right, etc. - it is, but you should be aware of what you are doing exactly to yourself and why) At some point, I lost control of the whole thing and even began to move in some sexchats. Write with porno-like women, watch them live etc ... she also accepted it, when she figured out this! (even if it is obvious that at that time we had no chance, because I was absolutely not able to open my eyes and really change something!) Long story short: we were together for 4 years and have been separated last year in April and the end was long overdue. Then there was my emotional crash, which drove me to drug consumption, as well as prostitutes (coke and whores you know?!) Not just once, but maybe 8-10 times?! I also "lived" my shemalefetish, had uninspired sex with women I met on Tinder ... I completely lost my inner stability. The highlight was when I visited a SM-Domina, slept with her and caught gonorrhea. (Not to mention all the other shit I could have... fortunately not, I'm now as fit and healthy as I've probably never been!) - Shit I thank you - whomever - every day for getting only this black eye THANK YOU!) That was January 2017. After this big happening, I slowly began to realize how careless and tired of life I've spent my last months. Goals? Motivation? I did not know myself anymore. Dissatisfaction with myself and no idea where my journey should go, let me slip off inside for a few months. (Outsiders have not really noticed all that stuff). In March I began to get back on track. The idea that the masturbation and the porn topic should be changed?... not really. I had it in my mind, but a conscious perception, a concrete thought ... nothing. For 4.5 weeks now I do the Wim Hof Method and last week I realized: When I do the breathing exercises and the cold shower I have really nice energy! But when I masturbate sometimes afterwards, everything is completely gone. (Surprise ... LOL!) And so here I am. Today is Day 3. I decided to start a new chapter in my life from now on. (feels little bit like fight club atm ) I am unspeakably thankful for seeing how many men are fighting the same fight out there! Keep on going guys! I´m proud of you! I´m proud of myself and believe in myself, that I can change! It´s our decision! Thank you so much for the fact that there is a forum like this, where you can express yourself, motivate each other and exchange opinions! Thanks!