A part of me still thinks I can use porn "casually"

I need to somehow erase this lingering belief. I keep thinking I can go back to how it was before long-term use escalated into several self-destructive fetishes, but it doesn't work. Whenever I slip up, no matter where I start, sooner or later I end up going right back to the worst of the worst stuff, and it sickens me afterwords.

It's like casual porn use is forever ruined after I was exposed to the most deviant, harmful kinds of content out there. I wish I'd never seen it in the first place. In any case there's a part of my brain that still tricks me into thinking I can find some middle-ground with PMO - like maybe I can still indulge in porn but limit my viewing to more "vanilla" stuff.

Experience tells me this is no longer an option for me. So somehow I have to rid myself of this mistaken belief, but I'm really struggling to eradicate it. If anyone has any suggestions on this let me know.

 

Thanks for the input @Wugazi32. If you can make an arrangement like that work that's great imho. But I know I couldn't stay in control personally, my addiction cycle is too far down-the-road at this point - anyway it's kind of a moot point since I'm single anyway .

Anyway yeah I guess we all have to determine for ourselves how seriously we have to take the issue. Honestly for many years I was able to casually PMO during "dry spells" between girlfriends or whatnot, without it really adversely affecting my life, but several years ago things took a dark turn, and that was my wake-up call that I couldn't really do that anymore without consequences.

It's weird though, even though I've logically come to that conclusion, there's this part of me deep down that still doesn't want to accept it, and when I get into certain moods, then my brain seems to trick me into thinking it's no big deal, and I get into trouble.