A part of me

A part of me doesn't want to forget about porn. If it wasn't pleasurable then it would be much easier. For example years ago through boredom I watched the horrible beheading videos, I had them stuck in my head for an while but eventually I stopped getting the flashbacks, but with sex/porn it is "acceptable" because it's pleasurable and "a normal part of life"

Part of me also feels boring and a goody two shoes for being repulsed by sex/porn thoughts but I know that I am ruining my life. I don't know anymore.