A place to talk about 'Second Life'

RiverBlue · Jul 9, 2021

So you got my curiously piqued and I went to the SL site -- not to download it but to look around. So this is the pic they've got on the Join page. This tells you all you need to know about what the place is these days -- talk about dead eyes!

CAKCy · Jul 9, 2021

todolist said: ↑

I have been debating whether to make this thread or not as Second Life (SL) is such a harmful place for P addicts and I don't want to give anyone ideas of joining it. Disclaimer: DON'T FUCKING JOIN SECOND LIFE

My experience:

SL was really the catalyst for turning my P habit into a full blown addiction. It lets you play out your fantasies with other human beings completely anonymously and with zero consequence as you're acting through a virtual avatar.

For me, it started quite tame. I made an account just to see what it was all about, with designs to study and write a piece about it. Of course, I got sucked in immediately. I can't speak to what it used to be like in its heyday, but I can say for certain that now almost the entire platform is based around virtual sex and roleplay. I suppose this is because it's the ultimate consequence free environment to live out perverse fantasies that you would never have the chance to do in real life.

I entered SL with some kinks and a predominantly 'dominant' sexuality. I left as a confused, scarred and addicted submissive with unhealthy and unrealistic obsessions.

It's bizarre. Like most men I've had the thought of 'what if I was a girl, like the ones in porn?' which I believe to be pretty natural. Many women I've spoken to have had the same thoughts about gender swapping and as a horny teenager these thoughts were rare but existent. I can say for certain that I'm most comfortable as a straight man - men simply don't arouse me - but those occasional teenage fantasies were allowed to flourish in SL where you can literally play as a woman and barely anyone questions it. Despite having both a male and female avatar, I found that slowly I would only play as the female one, with my tastes getting more and more extreme. What’s even stranger is that this 'lie' about ones real life gender is completely accepted in SL, as most of the women you see are probably men behind the screen, and everyone knows it.

So I started slow but the investment became both emotional and financial rather quickly. To have an avatar that anyone will even chat with, you have to spend a large amount of money making them look good. I don't even want to know how much RL cash I've wasted on virtual items over the years but it was a lot. Once you look good, you go out and find what you want in this fake world. I met hundreds of people, some were nice, others deeply disturbed. Some I submitted to, others I made submit. I feel sick thinking about it, but those relationships have such a strong hold on me even today.

Still sound harmless? At my peak I was on SL for 4-6 hours a day, sometimes much more if I wasn’t working. This time was spent mentally and physically 'edging' and either waiting for someone particular to come online or finding someone new to 'play' my fantasies with. I would very rarely get off from SL alone, so at a certain point I would switch to P when I wanted to finish.

At the time, I was in total denial of what I was doing. Sure, I had this 'thing' I did every evening, but it never crossed over into my real life and all my problems were because of other things... right?

I finally got out for good last year. A perfect storm of meeting a new domme (who was also probably a dude) who got far too deep into my psyche and started using that to get personal details out of me (shamefully the most exciting thing i've ever experienced), and my computer dying with no hope of a quick fix (literally forcing me to stop using SL). Like any addict I had horrible withdrawals as the crushing reality of my situation came down on me. In the end I found a therapist with a specialisation in porn addiction and discovered nofap. Today I am happy and confident. A totally different man and one who sees a future for myself. I still get strong cravings and flashbacks, but I can say with certainty I will never go back to SL again.

Thoughts:

Second life is exactly what it says it is. A SECOND LIFE. One that dissociates you from reality the more you use it, eventually becoming stronger than reality itself (Some people on there were at a point where they never left their house. Literally living 24/7 in second life).This attracts people like us. We have something missing in our lives and SL - like any P or Psub - Is there to fill it.

Like heroin, Sl creeps up on you. It seems harmless at first but it can quickly become the only life you find any pleasure in. Projected through a virtual version of 'yourself' which in reality just represents your wildest desires.

Finally:

What do you guys think? anyone else had any experiences with SL? How did you quit? How did it mess you up?

I've searched through nofap before and have seen the subject mentioned a few times, but never in any detail. My goal is to have somewhere where ex-SL users can discuss and heal together, so feel free to chat and ask questions.

P.S.

I think it goes without saying that if you are still on SL: STOP.
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Fun fact: SL is where I met and fell in love with my wife for 13 years.

SL is just what you make of it. Exactly like the "real" life. It could lead one to dark alleyways or open highways. I don't think a person NOT having problems in "real" life can get any worse in SL. At the same time a person with a messed up "real" life will look for the same kind of mess in SL too....

todolist · Jul 10, 2021

RiverBlue said: ↑

I was on SL back in its heyday, when people thought it would somehow replace the Internet and people paid beaucoup bucks to buy up virtual "land." I never could see how any of that could really happen, and it didn't. There was already a subculture of kink and fetish and plenty of sexual roleplay. I guess I was on there just about the time, it started to get expensive. I, fortunately, I guess, didn't really want to spend the money for the realist looking dick and the "leather" clothes. So I didn't ever get sucked in. And I'm guessing that the graphics/immersive nature were probably not at the level they are now. I haven't been back for years, although I've been curious to check back in. Thanks to your report, I don't have to! LOL
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It has improved massively in terms of graphics and complexity. I was on it for years so spent a lot of time talking with people who were there from the beginning. Ultimately this is what fascinated me about it - how could something that had such utopian ideals fail so badly? In the end, like so many of the other critics, theorists and philosophers that I admired at the time who delved into SL, I became sucked in.

CAKCy said: ↑

Fun fact: SL is where I met and fell in love with my wife for 13 years.

SL is just what you make of it. Exactly like the "real" life. It could lead one to dark alleyways or open highways. I don't think a person NOT having problems in "real" life can get any worse in SL. At the same time a person with a messed up "real" life will look for the same kind of mess in SL too....
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I agree. Like I say in my original post, it turned my porn habit into a full blown addiction, so I guess I was already somewhat predisposed. I met plenty of people who had pretty normal lives outside of SL, or were in a place where the cybersex aspect of it was not debilitating. Ultimately though I see it as a place of intense sadness. I also met someone on there early on who became close to me, even beyond the virtual world of second life. Back then I was still mainly using my male avatar and being more like 'myself', which thinking back brought the best experiences. It really is what you make of it, but it can quickly get out of control.
I don't know how long you spent in SL, but for me it started quite tame and even produced a few meaningful, healthy relationships with women. But as time progressed those kinks and fetishes which were just a passing thought became sims I could visit, communities I could be a part of and eventually the crux of my entire online existence. Soon the idea of being 'myself' was boring as I was able to be whoever I wanted. At a certain point - as painful as it is - we eventually have to admit who we truly are and be that person. SL is a fantastic distraction from that.

CAKCy · Jul 10, 2021

todolist said: ↑

I agree. Like I say in my original post, it turned my porn habit into a full blown addiction, so I guess I was already somewhat predisposed. I met plenty of people who had pretty normal lives outside of SL, or were in a place where the cybersex aspect of it was not debilitating. Ultimately though I see it as a place of intense sadness. I also met someone on there early on who became close to me, even beyond the virtual world of second life. Back then I was still mainly using my male avatar and being more like 'myself', which thinking back brought the best experiences. It really is what you make of it, but it can quickly get out of control.
I don't know how long you spent in SL, but for me it started quite tame and even produced a few meaningful, healthy relationships with women. But as time progressed those kinks and fetishes which were just a passing thought became sims I could visit, communities I could be a part of and eventually the crux of my entire online existence. Soon the idea of being 'myself' was boring as I was able to be whoever I wanted. At a certain point - as painful as it is - we eventually have to admit who we truly are and be that person. SL is a fantastic distraction from that.
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I'll say it again: SL is what one makes of it. If I remember well, my wife and I were on it only for a few months. Then we met in "real" life and pretty much gave up SL. It is definitely a place of lonely people having the chance to meet others if, for some reason, they cannot or do not want to do it in reality. For people like myself (introvert/unsocial) SL was a great opportunity to meet other people while being in my safe zone and exchange thoughts/ideas/emotions so for me it was a positive experience.

RiverBlue · Jul 11, 2021

todolist said: ↑

Ultimately this is what fascinated me about it - how could something that had such utopian ideals fail so badly?
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This is definitely fascinating, and it could be broadened to every social network out there -- Facebook, Twitter, etc. How can one strike a balance between a network that achieves the utopian goals of bringing people together, creating community, and, especially, free expression with the "cesspool" of human nature.

I think that SL and other networks in their infancy were naïve about this. And of course allowing any sort of expression probably worked for them in building critical audience share to start with. But in the end, can any social network survive with unfettered conduct by its members?

SL is interesting because it attempted to recreate a virtual version of real life society. But it thought it could get by with little or no social controls. Real life society is of course full of social controls -- laws, regulations, police, courts, etc. It can't exist without it. But SL thought it could create a slimmed down version of all this and thereby foster a more open and vibrant society. But that turned out to not possible within its own virtual world -- where the majority of members, whose number at its height was impressive, voted with their feet and left. But it also ignored that SL's society was not really fully contained in its online world. There were and are RL consequences -- which, @todolist, your experience of your porn use/addiction being exacerbated demonstrates.

One wonders if a more carefully regulated online society could have achieved some of the loftier aspirations that were expressed for SL in it heyday.

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A place to talk about 'Second Life'

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