PasterofMuppets
Fapstronaut
Guys. I think I should tell you the whole affair.
My life has been more fucked up than I ever realized. My mother is absolutely nuts. She's a control freak. You gotta think it exactey her way, or you're an enemy. She beat me quite a lot more than what's ever considerable healthy, sometimes being very brutal and using a shoe or closing my hands an mouth for a long time if I was shouting, and she often told me stuff like "I'll fucking kill you, you bastard" or that I'm a shit person even as a very small child. I kind of always felt I lacked a normal family and one of the things that I always hated before was not being normal.
She also was pretty abusive to my father, who was a recovering heroin addict, and while that may not be a good thing, I'm pretty sure being an asshole to someone like that is much worse.
So, since my mother is a jealous and vindicative bitch, I grew up seeing my father sparingly, like it was a secret, even if he, at that point in his life, truly was a good person and just wanted to raise me the best way he could.
I was an incredibly smart, at least in terms of knowledge, and curious kid, and I have always grown tired of stuff and wanted to push it to the next level. What does that make you think of? Exactly.
I started masturbating at around age 3, then kinda forgot about it and started again at age 7 or so, and I would spend hours doing that, striking my groin on any surface in any house, even in shops, really in the weirdest ways I could find. I ended up making my dick red and bloody once.
Then, after dropping it just like it had come for a few years, since, as it usually happens with "smart" kids, a PC became my best friend. I would spend my days there, reading stuff, watching videos and stuff like that, and I soon got to porn. Meanwhile, I started being an asshole at everyone except a couple really old friends I liked to talk with. I think it was because I envied my peers more than anything. I envied the fact that they could just call a friend and say "yo, you doin' something today", I envied their bodies, their hormones, everything.
So, porn became, as everyone here knows, boring. So I started with the devious kinda stuff.
Meanwhile I found out by accident that whenever I masturbated by laying plain on the couch, my dog would go and try to fuck me. At first it was gross and horrible, but after some exposure to more outlandish porn, which made me think I was bisexual for really no reason but to feel different (hey no offence bi guys, i know bisexuality has nothing to do with that but it's my case, I believe), well i started liking to pretend that my dog was fucking me. Then I started to masturbate anally almost every night, to have a piss fetish and in the end, you know what? I fucking blew and bottomed my dog. I'm dead serious. And all of this before I even produced sperm cells, if i recall correctly.
However, things have actually improved by themselves in the last years: in 2015/16 (can't remember, I recall something about NoFap in 2015 but my first account dates 2016) I started doing NoFap. I've had tons of on and off periods with different accounts. I haven't managed to stop watching porn yet, but now it seems like vanilla porn does it for me, and the frequency has been greatly greatly reduced. It's like I got from heroin to methadone, I guess. NoFap has helped me greatly in this, at least unknowingly. Now I have a higher level of consciousess on porn and I find it absolutely disgusting in most cases and my goal is to make it disgusting in all cases.
My social life also got much better because I found people I trusted and opened up to the world, especially in the last year. Now I can become friends with someone just by sitting near him with my friends on a friday night.
I worked on myself and got over quite a lot lo limits of mine last summer, thanks to nofap, and this was I think the beginning of real change for me. Then I subscribed to a scout association and that made me grow the fuck up too, and I made two of my closest friends there.
Also, what absolutely helped me grow up was getting back in touch with my father some months ago. He's one of the most sensible and wise people I know and he's very good at making you understand what you need to. He also told me I remind him so much of his past self he's almost scared I could end up like him, also because I act so much older than my age. I always had an addictive personality I think.
Also, one other thing I believe changed me for the best is marijuana. Seriously. The social aspect of it made me understand a lot of social balances and how to make everyone happy, often sacrificing yourself for the greater good. I learned when you just gotta stop even if you're tempted, basic functional economy, made a lot of real friends, and also got myself in dangerous and unpleasant, but surviving them made me grow up fast by learning from and dealing with my errors. But also, marijuana made me realize a lot of things about myself, and make peace with them shortly after. It does free you of a lot of chains that keep yourself from looking unbiasedly and clearly at everything around you. In fact, I decided to come back here after I remembered about my dog yesterday after smoking some really good hash. I swear, I had completely erased that from my memory. I never ever thought about it once in years. In fact, I'm still processing this. I seriously can't believe it, but I know it's true.
My life has been more fucked up than I ever realized. My mother is absolutely nuts. She's a control freak. You gotta think it exactey her way, or you're an enemy. She beat me quite a lot more than what's ever considerable healthy, sometimes being very brutal and using a shoe or closing my hands an mouth for a long time if I was shouting, and she often told me stuff like "I'll fucking kill you, you bastard" or that I'm a shit person even as a very small child. I kind of always felt I lacked a normal family and one of the things that I always hated before was not being normal.
She also was pretty abusive to my father, who was a recovering heroin addict, and while that may not be a good thing, I'm pretty sure being an asshole to someone like that is much worse.
So, since my mother is a jealous and vindicative bitch, I grew up seeing my father sparingly, like it was a secret, even if he, at that point in his life, truly was a good person and just wanted to raise me the best way he could.
I was an incredibly smart, at least in terms of knowledge, and curious kid, and I have always grown tired of stuff and wanted to push it to the next level. What does that make you think of? Exactly.
I started masturbating at around age 3, then kinda forgot about it and started again at age 7 or so, and I would spend hours doing that, striking my groin on any surface in any house, even in shops, really in the weirdest ways I could find. I ended up making my dick red and bloody once.
Then, after dropping it just like it had come for a few years, since, as it usually happens with "smart" kids, a PC became my best friend. I would spend my days there, reading stuff, watching videos and stuff like that, and I soon got to porn. Meanwhile, I started being an asshole at everyone except a couple really old friends I liked to talk with. I think it was because I envied my peers more than anything. I envied the fact that they could just call a friend and say "yo, you doin' something today", I envied their bodies, their hormones, everything.
So, porn became, as everyone here knows, boring. So I started with the devious kinda stuff.
Meanwhile I found out by accident that whenever I masturbated by laying plain on the couch, my dog would go and try to fuck me. At first it was gross and horrible, but after some exposure to more outlandish porn, which made me think I was bisexual for really no reason but to feel different (hey no offence bi guys, i know bisexuality has nothing to do with that but it's my case, I believe), well i started liking to pretend that my dog was fucking me. Then I started to masturbate anally almost every night, to have a piss fetish and in the end, you know what? I fucking blew and bottomed my dog. I'm dead serious. And all of this before I even produced sperm cells, if i recall correctly.
However, things have actually improved by themselves in the last years: in 2015/16 (can't remember, I recall something about NoFap in 2015 but my first account dates 2016) I started doing NoFap. I've had tons of on and off periods with different accounts. I haven't managed to stop watching porn yet, but now it seems like vanilla porn does it for me, and the frequency has been greatly greatly reduced. It's like I got from heroin to methadone, I guess. NoFap has helped me greatly in this, at least unknowingly. Now I have a higher level of consciousess on porn and I find it absolutely disgusting in most cases and my goal is to make it disgusting in all cases.
My social life also got much better because I found people I trusted and opened up to the world, especially in the last year. Now I can become friends with someone just by sitting near him with my friends on a friday night.
I worked on myself and got over quite a lot lo limits of mine last summer, thanks to nofap, and this was I think the beginning of real change for me. Then I subscribed to a scout association and that made me grow the fuck up too, and I made two of my closest friends there.
Also, what absolutely helped me grow up was getting back in touch with my father some months ago. He's one of the most sensible and wise people I know and he's very good at making you understand what you need to. He also told me I remind him so much of his past self he's almost scared I could end up like him, also because I act so much older than my age. I always had an addictive personality I think.
Also, one other thing I believe changed me for the best is marijuana. Seriously. The social aspect of it made me understand a lot of social balances and how to make everyone happy, often sacrificing yourself for the greater good. I learned when you just gotta stop even if you're tempted, basic functional economy, made a lot of real friends, and also got myself in dangerous and unpleasant, but surviving them made me grow up fast by learning from and dealing with my errors. But also, marijuana made me realize a lot of things about myself, and make peace with them shortly after. It does free you of a lot of chains that keep yourself from looking unbiasedly and clearly at everything around you. In fact, I decided to come back here after I remembered about my dog yesterday after smoking some really good hash. I swear, I had completely erased that from my memory. I never ever thought about it once in years. In fact, I'm still processing this. I seriously can't believe it, but I know it's true.
Last edited:
