A Progressive Challenge-A different kind of challenge- all levels

Day 26/31. Today I was feeling shitty and depressed in the morning and stayed in bed. I guess that was what I needed, but it felt so bad. I had many nightmares - sexual, violent, drugs and alcohol, social anxiety, everything that I am battling came up this morning in my dreams. Damn.
I finally got up, exercised, took a cold shower and now I am back to feeling good, although a little shaken.

Good, let us know if it helps! There are also some apps for guided meditation that can help get you started.

Yes you can. You are finding out how little control you actually have and this is a shock for you. We've all been there! It's like learning to walk. Little by little you get more control and finally it's second nature. Get back up, dust yourself off and get to 5 days! You can do it!

That's the spirit! In it for life!

Congrats on a week, good job.

Yes, I have experienced this as well. It feels very unpleasant when "evil" thoughts pop up. It feels like you're not in control, this can be a source of panic and anxiety. In my experience, this calms down a lot after two weeks of rebooting. It's all about being aware and not fighting it, but simply thinking about something else. The grounding technique of "name 3 things you hear, 3 things you see, 3 things you feel, 1-3 things you smell" has also helped me a lot when "evil thoughts" happen.

Don't worry about it, just get back up and keep going. You can do it, you've gotten to 5 days a few times now. Make plans, know your triggers. You can do this.

 

Good post. Grounding is very useful. We practice this a lot in martial arts training, just standing, breathing and feeling the body in space. This is helpful to get rid off and prevent stress.
But sometimes, I have simply been too anxious and wired to even start breathing or exercising. Then I take long hot baths. My plan looks something like this:

• Able to focus?
  • Yes:
    • Anxious: Meditation (grounding/breathing)
    • Depressed: Work-out/Cardio
  • No:
    • Anxious/Wired: Hot water
    • Depressed/Sulking: Ice cold water

If I'm out and can't take showers, I use the "name 3 things" technique to ground myself.

This is just what works for me. But it sure helps to have a method that works. I recommend finding out your own strategy.​

 

1/5. I was outside the whole day. First day completed easily. I will also be outside tomorrow with friends. Good luck to everyone.

 

I totally messed it up today.

This afternoon I came across a tempting picture on Instagram, and I couldn’t get it out of my head. It was going from bad to worse. I looked up some tempting pictures and video’s that weren’t blocked by my filter. I didn’t MO. I quitted, but I thought ‘I already relapsed, so I’m gonna MO too’. And that’s what I did.

I am at the bottom right now. I can’t go on like this, and keeping doing the same things over and over, keep making the same mistakes, and think that I’ll succeed one day. Because that’s not gonna happen. I’m keep falling in the same patters and cycles.

But WHAT can I change? I know I have to, but what can I do? Maybe I’ll going to work out, but I don’t think that working out is something for me. And besides that: is that gonna be the magic trick that will make the difference? I don’t think so. Anyone got suggestions?

One thing is sure: I am going to quit this. I just hate this habbit so so much.

Forgive me guys. Forgive me God. I am a fool.

 

@Single Palm Change tried to meditate. Shut my mind off etc. I just didn't seem to get out of my own head. Did some squats and sit ups which chilled me out. Weird how I thought my main issue with P was alcohol. 98 days clear of that. But only 4 no PMO. More focused and trying harder

 

Hey, guys, I relapsed today. I'm actually not mad at myself. This is the first time I really tried and I made it past two weeks.
but what's more important is that I learned some new things.
What I learned is that the further I went the less I talked on this forum. Someone said to me the opposite of isolation is connection.
my problem is I like to isolate myself. When I found it the easiest I talked to friends more often and
I went out on walks to feel connected to nature. What I felt the last couple of days was more Like I was not even human.
I felt trapped and shut off. This is what lead me to relapse. So I start tomorrow knowing more than yesterday. I think we need to look at certain relapses as necessary. If I didn't I would have lived feeling trapped and not knowing what I did wrong. Also, what is the chaser effect I saw someone mention it?

 

First of all, it’s good that you’re asking. Knowledge about your addiction can be a key to succes.

I am not an expert, but the chaser effect is the extreme desire to PMO 1-3 days after a relapse/a sexual activity. So be aware for the first days.

What you are describing in your post sounds like a flatline to me. Again, I’m not an expert so correct me of I’m wrong. A flatline is a period where you feel really low. You have no energy and no urges. You feel sort of depressed. I’m just suggesting things but it could be...

 

19/21. Tough urges today

 

Day 26/31 done. Had a hard day, emotionally. Was informed today that my regular income will stop come next month. Damn. Really a bummer. Have to get through this one. Gotta sell some of my stuff, I guess. There will be a way. I will get through this. But.... damn...

 

I forgive you. I remember my last relapse. There was some nudity in a movie I saw. I just couldn't get it out of my head either. A day later I had some alcohol and my brain short circuited, like you describe.
It is really tough when it's like that. When it just won't go away. But I think, when we finally do make it go away, or deal with it in a positive way, then we're going to go far!

O.k., if exercise works for you, then by all means go for it! There is huge meditation hype going, so don't feel pressured if it doesn't work for you. The main thing is just finding something that works.
Great with the no alcohol streak!
These different addictions we have, it's like they are working in shifts sometimes.
Alcohol gets fired, PMO comes to work. PMO gets fired, vacancy filled by sugar. Sugar gets fired... Vacancy again. Hmmm... time to look at the HR team...

Like TC10 said, it could be a flatline starting. It makes sense taking the time frame into consideration.
While I get what you saying, I don't think all relapses are necesarry. For sure, there is a better way to deal with feeling trapped and shut off. You learned something this time, but next time, you can't do the same thing again.

Anyway, now you know that you can get past two weeks! This is great. So do it again This time you are prepared for the "inhuman" feeling.

Hang in there, only two days to your goal!

 

Day 15/20...half month is over

 

Checking in on Day 27/30.

I have been in this fight a very long time and honestly, it has been too long.
I am now 3 days away from a full month. After 2 decades, this is a rare statement by me.

I last acted out December 30, 2017. It was like every other relapse I have had- had a thought, searched for psubs, and then PMO.

However, something different this time around. I changed my counter goals. A reset is an intentional search for dopamine. Strict? Maybe, but also needed.

Just.Don't.Start. This has been my life statement. Something changed when I made this decision, it does not really even feel like a goal, it just is.

I feel like something is wrong after all these years of failings to be able to come here and write that these 4 weeks has not even been a struggle. I do not want to say it has been easy, but the days keep rolling along.

Life is still hard. Triggers are still there. I still objectify more than I want, but I have put a stick in the sand, I will not intentionally start a search.

Intentionality has been the switch for me.

Thanks for having this space for me to write this. This is very therapeutic for me.

 

Wet dreams aren't of your free will, so I'd say keep your streak up. It's okay man, happens to the best of us.

 

56/60 days... I think. I'm not 100%. Life is a breeze, lol. Been keeping myself busy with some combinatiom of errands, work, and volunteering today. I'd recommend doing some volunteer work at a local food bank or anything to anyone here! It's a healthy, positive thing to get into, it'll keep your urges off your mind, get you in shape and give you a way to help out your community.

 

2/7

 

Day 27/31 - Existential crisis

Yeah. I guess you're right. But every issue of money and security has a way of provoking an existential crisis for me. It becomes a question of losing everything - losing my identity.
I don't know. I have been crying a lot this morning.
Things remind me of my problems in life, my depression, the reasons I cannot keep a job or finish an education...
I am really sad about this. It is a very tough time. I feel like I have gotten to the root of it, and I've realised that there is nothing to be done. I'm bound to this human condition of differentiated thought, dualistic thinking.

I am researching buddhism, taoism, zen, and other traditions that have supposedly found ways to transcend this condition. But the more I search the more I realize, it can't be done. There's no way out.

Should I be content with this? Can I? I don't know.... Tough day to day..