A question for the men

S

Sad_wife

Fapstronaut
Reading a lot of old posts that speak of carnal desire.

I wish and have asked my husband to just let loose, let his animal side take over and do whatever he desires with me.

do you feel you can even if it’s just occasional thing let fully loose with a partner? If no what is the block?

I mean obviously he went there with porn. He knows there no judgement from me if he wants to try something. It’s just heartbreaking that he feels insecure no matter how much I reassure.
 
Sad_wife said:
Reading a lot of old posts that speak of carnal desire.

I wish and have asked my husband to just let loose, let his animal side take over and do whatever he desires with me.

do you feel you can even if it’s just occasional thing let fully loose with a partner? If no what is the block?

I mean obviously he went there with porn. He knows there no judgement from me if he wants to try something. It’s just heartbreaking that he feels insecure no matter how much I reassure.
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I think that the reason why I did it was because of a deep feeling of disgust towards me, and my sexual desires. I always thought that it should be repressed, but my body couldn't ignore it so I fell for the PMO cycle. When I came to the realization that it would also make my brain forget about the pain and struggles I went through in my daily life, it sealed the deal. Pain forgot, desires met, nobody but me involved so no shame. Didn't even think about the damage it could do to my relationship. I was selfish, and I didn't fully commit to my partner.

I am new to this forum, reading posts from people that are in situations similar than mine is just what I needed to come to terms with what I've done, who I am and what I will do from now on. Thank you for this posts, and I hope you and your husband the best of luck on your journeys.
 
earthshaper said:
I think that the reason why I did it was because of a deep feeling of disgust towards me, and my sexual desires. I always thought that it should be repressed, but my body couldn't ignore it so I fell for the PMO cycle. When I came to the realization that it would also make my brain forget about the pain and struggles I went through in my daily life, it sealed the deal. Pain forgot, desires met, nobody but me involved so no shame. Didn't even think about the damage it could do to my relationship. I was selfish, and I didn't fully commit to my partner.

I am new to this forum, reading posts from people that are in situations similar than mine is just what I needed to come to terms with what I've done, who I am and what I will do from now on. Thank you for this posts, and I hope you and your husband the best of luck on your journeys.
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That makes sense. I even asked if he was going to do it do it in front of me. Include me. But shame makes sense.

I guess it’s about allowing yourself to feel vulnerable. Has your wife requested you let loose?
 
Sad_wife said:
Reading a lot of old posts that speak of carnal desire.

I wish and have asked my husband to just let loose, let his animal side take over and do whatever he desires with me.

do you feel you can even if it’s just occasional thing let fully loose with a partner? If no what is the block?

I mean obviously he went there with porn. He knows there no judgement from me if he wants to try something. It’s just heartbreaking that he feels insecure no matter how much I reassure.
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Omg you are the coolest wife ever. Hahah.

No in all seriousness, I do whatever I want with my wife lol (ofcourse with her consent) ;)
 
It really depends on your partner. Some women will just let you go balls to the wall, others want you to work within quite clear lines. If given the green light, I imagine most men will take the opportunity and go for it.
 
I’ll answer for my husband since he can’t stand this forum. I’m the crazy one. I’m the one who wanted it all. He is so self conscious that in spite of 37 years together, me never once saying no to anything ever, he has to “ work” up the courage just to initiate sex with me. It takes him between 2-3 days to work up the guts to ask. For just sex. It’s maddening. He was literally taught by his mom that no woman wants sex, he shouldn’t want it and he’s bad for wanting it, you should only have sex for pro creation. It’s a sin for anything else. The amount of shame she piled on him is so sad. 37 years. I’m amazed I convinced him to try half the stuff I did. Oh, and I sleep naked. And air dry naked every day after my bath. lol. Can’t get much easier than I am ….
 
I was also a virgin when we married. Never been with anyone else in any way except I kissed boyfriends before ( not even French kiss) so nothing for him to be compared to or feel self conscious about.
 
Psalm27:1my light said:
I’ll answer for my husband since he can’t stand this forum. I’m the crazy one. I’m the one who wanted it all. He is so self conscious that in spite of 37 years together, me never once saying no to anything ever, he has to “ work” up the courage just to initiate sex with me. It takes him between 2-3 days to work up the guts to ask. For just sex. It’s maddening. He was literally taught by his mom that no woman wants sex, he shouldn’t want it and he’s bad for wanting it, you should only have sex for pro creation. It’s a sin for anything else. The amount of shame she piled on him is so sad. 37 years. I’m amazed I convinced him to try half the stuff I did. Oh, and I sleep naked. And air dry naked every day after my bath. lol. Can’t get much easier than I am ….
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wow this breaks my heart for him and you. You’ve obviously talked about it. Maybe keep reassuring him. Maybe if it starts going long whisper ask me in his ear? That’s a hard one.
 
When my wife and I first met, the acting out our "carnal desire" was a 11 out of 10. Now being in our 60's with 25 years of our relationship behind us, we have toned it down a lot. My mind longs for the carnal desire, but it's a promise that my wife and my age makes it difficult to fulfill. I guess the point is, get it while you can!
 
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MikeSilva said:
Omg you are the coolest wife ever. Hahah.

No in all seriousness, I do whatever I want with my wife lol (ofcourse with her consent) ;)
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well I know not all women are like me. But my brain has been warped by P too. My ex worked on and off in the P business. Mostly photo and video editing. But he’s been in front of the camera with his ex wife who was a p star. So I’ve seen it all. Nothing underage ever, but I’ve seen all and I mean all the rest.

reading the threads where men actually ask and want to do things and their wife’s turn them down give me mixed emotions. Frustration, guilt and shame for liking what I like, and sad for both sides. What a pickle society and the P industry let us to.

I talked to my husband on if it was shame and guilt, why he could go there with P and not me. He finds it highly degrading. Especially the money shots which are the best part for him. He has gone there with me… but it makes him feel so bad. It was very very rare. I have fantasized about those time a lot. I told him how can it be degrading if I want it and like it? I mean it still is. But that’s what makes it more charged an experience. And sharing something so naughty makes me feel alive. Like we have this super secret naughty thing between us. It’s what makes me happy. Feel really close to him.
 
Sad_wife said:
well I know not all women are like me. But my brain has been warped by P too. My ex worked on and off in the P business. Mostly photo and video editing. But he’s been in front of the camera with his ex wife who was a p star. So I’ve seen it all. Nothing underage ever, but I’ve seen all and I mean all the rest.

reading the threads where men actually ask and want to do things and their wife’s turn them down give me mixed emotions. Frustration, guilt and shame for liking what I like, and sad for both sides. What a pickle society and the P industry let us to.

I talked to my husband on if it was shame and guilt, why he could go there with P and not me. He finds it highly degrading. Especially the money shots which are the best part for him. He has gone there with me… but it makes him feel so bad. It was very very rare. I have fantasized about those time a lot. I told him how can it be degrading if I want it and like it? I mean it still is. But that’s what makes it more charged an experience. And sharing something so naughty makes me feel alive. Like we have this super secret naughty thing between us. It’s what makes me happy. Feel really close to him.
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Wow, quite a story
 
Am I the only one on here that doesn’t want my husband trying to act out porn with me? I’m sorry, it’s gross. A lot of it is violent. And demeaning. If those are his wildest, carnal side then he can take it and go. None of our amazing times have been remotely like porn, that’s a crappy substitute. Our sex life has improved more and more the longer he’s had zero of that garbage in his head.
 
used19 said:
Am I the only one on here that doesn’t want my husband trying to act out porn with me? I’m sorry, it’s gross. A lot of it is violent. And demeaning. If those are his wildest, carnal side then he can take it and go. None of our amazing times have been remotely like porn, that’s a crappy substitute. Our sex life has improved more and more the longer he’s had zero of that garbage in his head.
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Normal positions are the best
 
Sad_wife said:
That makes sense. I even asked if he was going to do it do it in front of me. Include me. But shame makes sense.

I guess it’s about allowing yourself to feel vulnerable. Has your wife requested you let loose?
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It's definetly shame. Catholic upbringing, religious exploration from a young age (13yo) that ended with more fear and insecurities, trauma related to my first girlfriend that treated me badly, and some of my current partner's attitude towards me that really stick to me. There's a lot behind everytime I reject intimacy, but the PMO cycle just made it easier to avoid and worse to fix.

And about my partner asking me to let loose, she definetly did. But at the time I was so inmersed into this pool of trauma and addiction and resentment that I just didn't answer. The last time I said no she really seemed confused as to why I didn't wanted to be intimate. She felt really bad, and she explained me that she really needed it. This has happened a few times before, but this time it really affected me because she felt completely distraught, and I finally understood that this wasn't supposed to happen. I am supposed to fulfill her desires because I love her. The next day I started abstaining.
My NoFap journey is quite short, I kept a 17 day streak and relapsed on Monday. That same day I started to read this forum, and it changed the way I understand it now. I recognize that the way I confronted this challenge was naive. This is not about a thing that I do to feel better as a man, as single guys do it. This is for her, she deserves better, she deserves a partner that is completely commited to her, she deserves to see that side of me.

There has been some improvement, we shared some time together and it felt right. I don't want to go back again.


Thank you for your time.
 
When we were first dating, my wife was very adventurous. Now things have cooled off. Part of that is my wife has a lot of body consciousness issues she feels she’s very ugly and fat , she doesn’t realize that I find her incredibly attractive. Yet I broke her heart by turning the porn because I could not fulfill my desires with her. Because I wanted more and more. But maybe there’s hope.
 
used19 said:
Am I the only one on here that doesn’t want my husband trying to act out porn with me? I’m sorry, it’s gross. A lot of it is violent. And demeaning. If those are his wildest, carnal side then he can take it and go. None of our amazing times have been remotely like porn, that’s a crappy substitute. Our sex life has improved more and more the longer he’s had zero of that garbage in his head.
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That’s fair. Like I said my brain is warped. But I like the loving love make if just as much. Energy play, tantra… it just depends on mood. I like it all.
 
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