A question for those with a girlfriend or with experience on the topic.

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Der Drachenkönig, Sep 28, 2020.

  1. Der Drachenkönig

    Der Drachenkönig Fapstronaut

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    Good evening to you all.
    I have something on my mind about which i'd like to inquire. About, well...... exactly what it says on the tin (or in this case the title of the post).
    Before asking i would like to give you a quick summary: I'm currently 30 years old and i have never dated let alone have a girlfriend. Came close when i was 18 with a 25 year old girl when i started at uni, she was one of those 9-10 girls. At first i did not think much of her, in my back then immature mind labeling her as an airheaded bimbo. But i learned a valuable lesson: We became good friends and it did not take much effort, our conversations were fun, and i discovered she was a wonderful human being. In time we fell for one another, and we could have become a couple. But neither had the courage to fight for it, and in matters of love life both were badly damaged. In my case, my insecurity was such that i simply found it hard or impossible to believe a 9-10 girl would like me in that way. But such was the case. And in the end nothing came of it. One year after i got into a 2 years long distance relationship with a girl from another country, and breakup was damaging to say the least after many months of hell. I'd say we could consider this a mercy kill of sorts.
    Now that i got many things sorted, i'm open for the possibility but do not consider it a priority as i'm currently working to put my life in order, starting by my finances which have been dwindling without a job, in the middle of a pandemic, you do the math.

    My question to you, who have managed to get a girlfriend in the midst of your process or after overcoming the addiction:
    "What would you say dating and having a girlfriend means to you?"

    For me it would be a companion. Definitely not what those sappy romance movies sell you, somebody who will come to repair your damage and fill a void, a person who will save you with his or her love. Idiocy which is nowhere near true in real life. Said person accompanies you through life and motivates you to improve, in other words going together but not tied to one another. Something which confused me for a good part of my life.

    I would like a girlfriend, that much is clear to me about what i want. But as i said before i have my stuff together on that and am focusing on improving my life, turning it into something i can feel proud of, always on a state of learning.

    What i ask may seem like the most obvious question to many. But i'll be honest when i say my understanding of romance related topics of limited, and i do not have much experience in it either. I can have my opinions based on analysis but i feel there is much i need to learn, as i am aware of certain behaviours in me which can put relationships at risk, the most prominent one being keeping things to myself all the time thinking i can handle things on my own always. I admit it i have to work on that. I truly don't feel i can speak of something i don't know of or have very limited understanding about. However even if that's the case that's not a place i intend to remain in, as i am of the idea you can always learn new things as long as you have the disposition.

    And that is why i'd like to know what that has meant for you. Has it enriched your lives in any way given your circumstances? What have you learned from this that you did not know before?

    That would be all. Danke für deine Zeit
     
  2. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    Just become your best version. Be proud about who you are in the moment and have goals. When you reach that place of happiness then you are ready to share that happiness with a woman. That way you are going to attract and find a woman in a similar place that is going to share her happiness with you.
    If you look for a woman when you are not happy or need someone to fill your void.. you are going to share with her your baggage, you are going to attract woman that are also not happy and also needy for love... the result is not going to be good at all.. something like you had with this 9..10 you said you had in you late teens. She could be a 9.10 physically but if she had a lot of baggage she is not a 9.10, she is barely a 6 overall. Good to have fun with but not girlfriend material at all. A 9.10 that is happy is never going to settle for you if you are messed up.
    Be your best version, be happy and produ of you and you are going to attract woman that are in the same place and that's the best case scenario to consider having a girlfriend.
     
    becomingreat and Metis07 like this.
  3. Der Drachenkönig

    Der Drachenkönig Fapstronaut

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    Im happy where I am because of what I have accomplished, its important to value the things you achieved already but not dwell on them. A matter of balance we could say
    As for the 9-10 girl in my story, well you're right I never actually considered that. In that regard she was honest and correct when she told me "I love you but I cannot offer you anything" precisely because of what you said. She knew she wasn't ready to start anything as she was and that I wasn't either. As for the rest I wish I understood it when I was 20. I tried too hard back then
    I look for someone to be happy with, not someone who makes me happy. I already come happy from home, thanks.
    Thank you for this realistic insight. Really good
     

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