A question to people in relationships

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by captainkid867, Oct 12, 2014.

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  1. captainkid867

    captainkid867 Fapstronaut

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    How is it that you're addicted to PMO when you've got access to sex? You've got a girlfriend or wife that you can have sex with almost whenever, do you get bored of them sexually (I actually don't even understand how thats possible) or is you're sex drive much stronger than theirs that they're too tired to keep up?

    I ask this as a virgin who's going to be 22 in a few weeks.
     
  2. abrex

    abrex Fapstronaut

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    LOL...Well - first off, I have been PMO for 32 years - longer than you have been alive.

    I have been married 18 years and she is my best freind and soulmate. Unfortunately she has a low sex drive and is also very "vanilla" in her sexual desire. I cannot blame her for this or expect her to have desires as extreem as mine since I have been exposed to extreem porn for years.

    I love my wife, but I also have loved the fetish from porn - I thought I was taking care of myself and protecting my wife by continuing PMO - therefore the addiction continued. Only now am I realizing I have stressed my marrage for years and am lucky she has stayed with me. When you get married it is not like living in a porn flick - women do not normally want/need sex as often as men.
     
  3. MadHatter

    MadHatter Fapstronaut

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    Much like abrex, I too have a wife whom I deeply love and usually very much desire - but her sex drive is relatively low and her body has been through a lot (especially since childbirth over two years ago), plus she is also somewhat vanilla in bed, even in HER opinion.

    She has her own deeply rooted body-image issues which can sometimes inhibit her own sexuality and libido. Furthermore, we abstain from all physical contact during her cycle and for several days afterwords, in accordance with the Hebrew faith. Unfortunately, in the past, I would use all of those reasons to justify my P use to myself.


    Bottom line - just because someone CAN sleep with you, it does not at ALL mean to say they will be on your constant beck and call, 24/7. The truth is far from that, in most cases.
     
  4. jfats100

    jfats100 Fapstronaut

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    Wives who have "low sex drive" and "vanilla" interests are women who have not had their sexual centers awoken properly. All women have the potential to be extremely sexual on a very frequent basis. It's the responsibility of both partners to awaken that sexual center in the female.
     
  5. abrex

    abrex Fapstronaut

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    Okay - I am going to try to keep this polite - My wife has explained to me that it would not matter if I was Bred Pitt - she is just to overwhelmed with everyday stresses to get to a place where she is wanting sex. We are here to help one another, not try to compensate for something lacking (which I think is your story).
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 13, 2014
  6. eldish

    eldish Fapstronaut

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    Hi Captain Kid,

    I can say for me personally my wife has a moderate sex drive but I seem to have a hyper sex drive or something because I seem to look at porn even if I've had sex with my wife recently. For me, looking at porn an masturbating is a deep rooted problem that I developed around 11-12 years old and I'm 24 now so it is something that started before I got married. I would argue that a person can be a porn addict and still be married because the only qualification for being a porn addict is not being able to give up porn despite wanting to. That is me. I want to quit porn but my experience shows despite my ideals, I compulsively look at it now and again. Honestly, I only look at porn a few times a week but the problem is I cannot completely stop forever and both I and my wife agree that it is not monogamous to look at other women naked online, it is similar to cheating.

    I hope this answers your question man.
     
  7. A.W

    A.W Guest

    My situation is different from other posters here. My wife and I had sex multiple times day, every day for years on end (until recently, due mainly to having kids - makes it a bit harder to find the time). However, despite this abundance of sex; I would still sit on the computer at night for several hours, or worse, if I had a day alone, the entire day PMOing.

    I don't know why this happened, I think I am sick in the head, and I have definitely suffered from this addiction and continue to suffer while I end the addiction. So I can't really say exactly why it happened like this, but I know it had a lot to do with depression, anxiety and addiction.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 13, 2014
  8. Dad

    Dad Fapstronaut

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    I think that I got into extreme PMO because I didn't want to cheat on my partner (we are both male). He, like other guys have described their female partners here, has a much different sex drive than I. He has body image issues, a low libido and a disinterest in any thing out of the ordinary. He has never met my needs sexually, but is an extraordinary life partner in every other way.
    Human sexuality is a very complex area. We all have certain assumptions of what it is. It is different for everyone.

    (You need to check yourself jfats, your comment is way out of line).
     
  9. jfats100

    jfats100 Fapstronaut

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    Alright BigTex-abrex: calm down. anytime someone reacts like this, it's usually because they found some truth that they don't want to hear.

    I am here to help, and my comment is helpful for those with an open mind.
    I am not compensating for something I'm lacking, how did you arrive at that conclusion?

    Lastly, you identified your wive's blockage: she's overwhelmed with everyday stresses. Possibly, if the two of you worked on that, she would have better sex drive?? JUST A GUESS!

    Edit:
    This is a section from the nofap forum rules. Please try to follow them a little better.

    "NoFap is one of the most supportive places on the internet. Please keep it that way. Be nice to other Fapstronauts, be helpful and supportive, be positive, and although you may not agree with somebody, always assume they are operating in good faith until proven otherwise.

    Please treat other Fapstronauts with respect. No name calling, no insults, and no degrading comments. Err on the side of not personally attacking other users. Please keep in mind that everyone is entitled to their opinion - and although we may have differing viewpoints, we're all here to help each other abstain from PMO.
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2014
  10. jfats100

    jfats100 Fapstronaut

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    Please, elaborate....
     
  11. Karegador

    Karegador Fapstronaut

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    I got addicted in my teen years. I'm one of those people women like to have as a friend and nothing more. My wife, whom I've been with for 4 years and married to for 1, is the only woman I've ever been with. Seriously, she was my first and, as it happens, I was her first.

    So in answer to your question. PMO was a pre-existing condition.

    Oh and having seen some of jfats' comments I'm throwing my hat in here with those who were offended. Sorry dude but your statement is waaaaaaaaay out of line, misogynistic and flat out ignorant.
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2014
  12. HandzOff

    HandzOff Fapstronaut

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    Sex and PMO are entirely different. I can only speak for myself, but when my wife and I first got married, we had sex just about every day, or every other day. Even then I would PMO when she was out of the house because, well, 1) I was addicted and 2) PMO never affected my sexual performance with her. After our daughter was born my wife's sex drive dropped off the radar which ended up making my PMO addiction even worse.

    Ultimately, you can't just force your partner to have sex with you, and if your partner has no sex drive at all, there's no point in even asking. That's why PMO addictions can continue -- and maybe even get worse -- when you are married. To her credit my wife has tried to accommodate me but she simply has a lower sex drive than me now, which is tough; at the same time, my sex drive is most likely abnormally high due to PMO, so I'm hoping that doing NoFap will help bring me back "down to earth," so to speak.
     
  13. jfats100

    jfats100 Fapstronaut

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    Misogynistic?! How??

    Ignorant?! How??

    No one will explain with logic why my comment was so "OUT OF LINE"

    I would like to know so I can become a better member here.
     
  14. jfats100

    jfats100 Fapstronaut

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    Welp, even though I have yet to hear a good reason for why my comment about women's sexual centers is inappropriate, I'm sorry to those of you that I may have offended. It is never my intention to offend or hurt the feelings of anyone.

    Do I intend to challenge your thoughts and belief systems, even if it may be controversial? Damn straight I am. As I would hope you do the same for me.

    If it really is that inappropriate, I trust that a moderator will remove it.

    For the record though:

    Misogynistic means "exhibiting hatred towards women". I love women. And by saying that women with low sex drive do not have their sexual centers awoken, doesn't even come close to misogynistic.

    Ignorant means "lacking knowledge". My statement was based on many hours of research into Gnosticism and Taoism. If you would like more information, I'm willing to share.

    Calling someone an asshole is in direct violation of the rules and should be reprimanded.

    And for those of you who are willing to take stabs at me and then lack the courage to explain why you're so offended: I hope you feel great. I hope you get your heads out of the sand one day.
     
  15. HandzOff

    HandzOff Fapstronaut

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    Or women who are dealing with a variety of hormonal issues men will never be able to properly understand. Or women who are tired out from working all day or caring for kids or whatnot. Your statement comes off as ignorant because it ignores a variety of other factors involved in sex drive and implies that a woman is "broken" or at the very least incomplete until she has had her "sexual center awoken," whatever that is supposed to mean.
     
  16. jfats100

    jfats100 Fapstronaut

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    Well you're right. Sex drive is influenced by a variety of things.

    Hormonal imbalances, lack of energy from too much work or dealing with children problems... yes, they all could lower the sex drive. And guess what, they can (and should) be worked on and made better. Not only to improve sex drive, but quality of life. I haven't ruled out any factors, I'm including all of them.

    In no way have I implied they're broken or incomplete. If anything, it's the husbands who are saying, "well we don't have sex BECAUSE MY WIFE HAS LOW SEX DRIVE" like there's something wrong with their wife and it's the wife's fault. Take responsibility bros!
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2014
  17. Karegador

    Karegador Fapstronaut

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    You come off as a misogynist and ignorant because aside from ignoring everything involved in sex drive you also suggest that the poster you were replying to was simply doing something wrong. Like he doesn't know how to flip the magic switch that will turn is wife into the horny sex machine that porn and our much of our culture make women out to be.
     
  18. IWantABetterLife22

    IWantABetterLife22 NoFap Moderator

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    This thread got off track quickly. Please refrain from name calling and defaming others. Please take up any personal issues in the private messaging system. Sorry captainkid867, thread closed.
     
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