A Quick Peek Into Day 308

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Strength And Light, Jun 21, 2017.

  1. Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

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    Today is Day 308 without porn and masturbation for me. I'm 40 years old and married. I post regularly to my journal, but this is my first post in the Success Stories forum - I've been a bit superstitious about it.

    I'll probably make a better thread in this forum sometime around my one-year mark and detail more in-depth about my journey, but today I wrote an entry in my journal that I thought might be appropriate to share here. It follows below in quotes:


    "I've been trying to come up with a journal entry that somehow describes to a NoFap newbie to or to a fapstronaut struggling with chronic relapse what it's really like to be at Day 300+. I have a small illustration to make that may help.

    I just took a short walk to get out of the office for a few minutes, get away from the computer, get the blood flowing. I was walking past a row of cars at another building down the street and an attractive woman was getting out of one of the cars. As I walked past, she smiled at me. I tried my best to return the smile, but it was a little bit forced - I scrambled for it and came up just short of a good, friendly smile. I started to think about why I wasn't prepared to smile as I walked by. I wondered a bit if I should work on trying to be more radiantly friendly with people I randomly encounter in my life. A simple smile is something I am always capable of, it's a nice and easy way to put out a teaspoon of kindness into the world, it costs nothing, and it feels good to do it! As I continued on down the street, it occurred to me that I had encountered an attractive woman, one who smiled at me, and all I thought during that moment was that I could stand to use some work on my friendly smile. Here's a list of thoughts that I did NOT have:

    Ugh. God I want to fuck her.
    Jesus, her (insert body parts here) looks unfuckingbelievable.
    Yep I got the smile. She wants to fuck me.
    I bet she does (insert sex skill here) really fucking good.
    Yes please.
    I wonder if she works around here? I'll keep an eye out...


    These are just a few quick examples of the kind of automatic thoughts I would have before I started reboot, and even for quite awhile into reboot. Depending on my mood, there could just as easily have been automatic negative thoughts about myself like:

    She would probably be grossed out by me. A woman like that likes different guys than me.
    I'm not attractive to her because of factor x, y, or z.
    I probably look too old/young/tall/short/hip/square.
    I'm walking too hunched over.
    I shouldn't have worn these shoes. I look like an idiot.
    I bet she hates tattoos and thinks I'm a tool.
    I look so lame all dressed up for work.


    And so on and so on.

    So here's the point: I didn't have any of these automatic thoughts or responses. I'm not in a daily habit of putting my thoughts on cruise control. I'm not using cyber or P to fantasize that attractive women want me. I'm not in an addictive habit that results in crippling my self-esteem or chastising and berating myself in attempt to curb my behavior. I'm not clicking through streams of photos and videos of women's bodies and sex acts like they are in a catalog or on a menu that I choose from based on my momentary whims and desires. Yes, I did notice that she was attractive. I saw this the way I see a jogger is wearing expensive sunglasses or a guy mowing his lawn is wearing heavy-looking boots. There was no weight attached to her being attractive. It did not disturb my natural train of thought at the time. I was not prompted to puff out my chest, to try to make eye contact, to figure a way to sneak a dirty glance. All that happened was she smiled at me and that made me think that I could use some work on my natural friendliness.

    Reboot does still move up and down, but when you average it, it always moves forward when you continue to abstain from PMO. In August it will be a year of abstinence for me. I'm slowly diluting the addiction and the improvements continue. There's no reason to think that after 25+ years of PMO that the benefits of abstinence will all be reached anytime soon. And by benefits all I mean is my natural abilities and self without the crippling effects of PMO. It might be decades before I reach a plateau in that area. That's exciting to me.

    Just wanted to open my skull so you could peer inside the brain of one guy's Day 308."
     
  2. noonoon

    noonoon Fapstronaut

    Right on!!
    I'm very similar situation and similar results!
     
  3. Ukulele

    Ukulele Fapstronaut

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    It's good that you finally acknowledged your efforts in this section S&L. I've been following your journal, and I am sure that with your mindset, commitment, daily insightful updates/reflections, and your objective view on rebooting, you will reap more benefits down the road. I've learnt to think longterm, 2-3 years in terms of rebooting, and to stay alert daily thanks to reading your journal. Thank you for sharing.

    I wish you continued success! Keep leading the way!
     
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  4. ptrjovskis

    ptrjovskis Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for posting this. I've been doing PMO since I was a little boy and I've always seen girls as "sex-objects" wich I hated. Ever since I'd started my NoFap-journey I wondered if I'm going to get rid of those automatic thoughts. Thank you for telling what it's like to not have those thoughts anymore. Found this very motivating:)
     
  5. Pure_Dhamma

    Pure_Dhamma Fapstronaut

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    Awesome. Thanks for sharing S&L! If you didn't share this I wouldn't be as inspired as I am right now. Thank you!
     
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  6. Sans_Fear

    Sans_Fear Fapstronaut

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    I am the same age as you and I can completely relate to your reaction to that attractive woman. However, I am quite lagging behind your breathtaking achievement and commitment. Since I stopped PMO my thinking has become clearer and clearer. I killed all the addictions that chained me to them such as alcohol. I am trying to turn darkness into light. Let's hope so.
     
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  7. northsouth

    northsouth Fapstronaut

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    I can really relate. Thank you for this post. I miss being able to look at a woman without thinking about what I would do to her or that I'm ugly.
     
  8. Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

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    Attracted but not perverted is a good way to put it. My quickest and easiest advice is just to keep abstaining no matter what - chew on a table leg if you have to. As you force yourself to abstain through all kinds of situations when you REALLY want to cave in, you'll learn that things aren't at all what they appeared to be while your brain chemistry was in disorder from all the PMO. You have a great attitude and that will serve you well. Best of luck!!
     
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  9. rogi

    rogi Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing this S&L.
     
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  10. Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

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    Hi @noonoon. I just read your journal and I really like it. I had a huge problem with anxiety as well. The MD who pioneered cognitive behavior therapy, Dr David Burns, wrote a book called "When Panic Attacks" that I highly, highly, highly recommend for anyone suffereing anxiety, OCD, depression, etc... The book is incredibly educating and full of exercises that you can do on your own that will dissolve the anxiety. I am anxiety and depression free. When Panic Attacks does for anxiety what NoFap does for PMO addiction. It works!
     
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  11. Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

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    Thank you @Salt. I think that long-term thinking was one of the primary reasons I've had sustainable success. I see in your journal that you made the connection about allowing bonding, vulnerability and intimacy with other people and how this influences your well-being. That one took me a long time to begin to understand.

    I somehow or other learned that the thing that's bothering you the most is the thing to work on. It's usually not something that happened in your childhood, it's often more like something currently going on at work or in your relationship or the weird pain in your elbow that you've been putting off getting checked out. PMO addicts have usually trained themselves to push everything aside in order to focus on PMO, so you end up with all kinds of little issues that you've allowed to balloon into huge looming monsters. This makes it seem like life is full of huge menacing creatures and you kind of turn your palms up and wonder if it's even worth your time and effort to give up PMO because life without it is so brutal and uncomfortable. Ahhh but when you abstain long-term you have no choice but to battle these monsters. As you sleigh them one by one, you pull your sword out of them and realize that they really weren't made up of much anyway, they are just balloons shaped like monsters. Once you've popped all the issues you have let balloon out while you were PMOing, you can see that life isn't just a series of difficult and uncomfortable situations with a damaged protagonist at the center of it - it's a really cool and interesting play with a constantly unraveling plot.

    Congrats on 27 days and thank you for the kind words!
     
  12. Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

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    Thanks @Oscar G! One of the main reasons I made this post was to get this message out to the people who are just starting out. I wanted to provide some type of small example that could be used as motivation, a starting point, or a goal for down the road. It's inspiring to read that my effort is actually being realized! Great luck on your journey!
     
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  13. Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

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    You're very welcome @Pure_Dhamma. We do this together!
     
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  14. Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

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    180 days is a serious commitment and something to be very proud of. I think it was shortly after 200 days that I really began to hit a stride. These measurements of days are absurd of course, but it gives us something to take inventory of our progress. Our well-being is tough to measure and convey.

    Wise move to work on draining the streams that feed the PMO ocean. You are doing amazing!
     
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  15. Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

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    I think it's helpful to not try to get back to a point in the past, an attitude that you used to carry. Obviously our pasts led to addiction. I think it's more beneficial to work with where you are now and figure out how to get to where you want to be in the future. I hope this makes sense.
     
  16. Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for reading @rogi. Good luck building your own Success Story!
     
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  17. Xience

    Xience Guest

  18. Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

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    :)
     
  19. noonoon

    noonoon Fapstronaut

    Yes!!! I've been reading/practicing that book as well and it's helped me tremendously. Thanks!!
     
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  20. Pure_Dhamma

    Pure_Dhamma Fapstronaut

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    You're very insightful, S&L. I'm looking forward to more posts from you. Thanks for being a part of this community!
     
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