A realization of how few Friends I have

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Carbon6, Mar 16, 2019.

  1. kruznick

    kruznick Fapstronaut

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    That's fucking rough brother. But don't take that personally, I feel it's just shitty circumstances. If you ever feel like talking just drop me a message.
     
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  2. Marik757

    Marik757 Fapstronaut

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    Yep I too have very little friends, but that's because I removed a lot of the toxic ppl in my life. Heck I'm 30 yet my best friends are in their early 40's-50's ha.

    I've known them for about 3 years now and they are like an mentors to me, and dont mind my company. They consider me family and always invite me out. From them I gain wisdom to shape myself during my recovery. Learning from their relationships, modeling their positive energy.

    You dont know who you will be friends. My circle is slowly building with positive people the more I hang out with them. I try not to spend a lot of time with bars/club folks because it's not my thing.

    Look for positive role models to be your friends. You'll feel better about yourself without negative influences which may hold you back.
     
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  3. GorillaVikingwithaBLT

    GorillaVikingwithaBLT Fapstronaut

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    It seems to me that you're starting to improve though. You're on these forums communicating with people who want to see you succeed and you will! You just have to take it a step at a time; it sucks sometimes I know. But what I recommend doing is focus on yourself right now rather than others. Seek out self improvement and see how you can improve yourself so that you can effortlessly get friends. They'll see how wonderful you really are!

    What are some areas of your live that you think you can improve on? Physical health? Eating better and exercising more? What about social skills? You probably know how to socialize but some insecurities could be keeping your natural ability to socialize flow (I found that NoFap helps me with this). Focus on being positive. It will make you a happier person and causes others to want to be around you.

    I recommend EMBRACING this time alone. Think of it as your time to train. The time for you to improve yourself so drastically to where you feel better about yourself and others will naturally gravitate to you. That's how I look at these times we go through where things seem lonely. You can either train, improve yourself, and take action, or you can walk the path to despair. Don't give up! :D
     
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  4. I'm in the same boat. I just don't know how to talk with people. I'll start up a conversation, and it will be going good. Well make surface level chit chat. Stuff like the weather, ect. Then I'll hit this wall where I don't know how to continue the conversation. For instance, a new guy around my age starred at my work. So I start talking with him. Just chitchat. Then there is a lull in the conversation and I just stand there like an idiot not knowing what to say. I ended up awkwardly walking away. I just don't know how to make friends. Wish I would have stayed in contact with people from High School.
     
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  5. CH3RRY

    CH3RRY Fapstronaut

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    You know what's the best thing that has happened to me? Losing every single friend I have ever known when I was 15. It forced me to be by myself and look at how I really am. If it wasn't for that, I'd still be some mediocre awkward little kid with friends and acquaintances here and there.

    I'd still be living a mediocre life wandering around aimlessly. I'd do nothing and randomly call up a friend who wasn't even my friend to play some stupid video game. I had to lose everything to really grow up to who I really am. And here I am, making progress rather than stalling my own life for something meaningless like having people around who don't care about me.

    It hurt a lot a few years ago, and for a long time after that. But getting through everything, I can rise above higher to where I could never get to if I had stuck with my old life and ways. I'd be wondering, and not doing.

    The world is full of people, you don't need to wish you had stayed in contact with people from your past. The problem with always having friends around you is that it makes you mediocre. You can still be socially awkward and have all kinds of problems but you are comfortable with your friends that know you. This doesn't allow you to grow. I'd rather have 0 friends and be able to socialize with anyone anywhere than have a few friends.
     
  6. Wow. I never thought of it like that. Thanks:^)
     
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  7. GorillaVikingwithaBLT

    GorillaVikingwithaBLT Fapstronaut

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    I've been through a VERY similar time in my life as you (the time of losing your friends and at the same age too) and it helped me to grow tremendously. I didn't look at it too much in that perspective though. It really makes me feel good about where I am in life now. It was painful then but... I don't feel like I could ever wish for things to be back the way they used to be. It made me a much better person.
     
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  8. Carbon6

    Carbon6 Fapstronaut

    Insecurities are definitely stopping me from properly socializing, though I'm not sure particularly what I'm insecure about, perhaps my intelligence on the subjects. I just don't want to sound dumb. I've been working on physical health via working out, switched away from the personal training and instead have been doing my own workout routines(Working much better). Social skills is a definite, but this is one I have to really work on and maintain a level of bravery in order to practice it.

    I'm starting to feel this now, likely because my pmo drugged mind isn't suppressing it. I've been relating to this feeling for the last 3-4 years, but now it's time to finally do something about it. I've had no true friends for a long time. I wish to develop into someone who can talk with anyone, but that seems way out of my league.
     
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  9. Alhabor

    Alhabor Fapstronaut

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    Being an introvert, the only way I made friends was in high school, technical school and church. After awhile I found those that I felt comfortable with and started hanging out with them. Going back to school probably isn’t the best option but church might be if you’d want to try that
     
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  10. CH3RRY

    CH3RRY Fapstronaut

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    I was once you like you. But I changed and so can you.
     
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  11. justafriend

    justafriend Fapstronaut

    I have very good reason to believe this is infinitely possible for you. :)
     
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2019
  12. Roffelaar

    Roffelaar Fapstronaut

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    I believe it is also the environment you are in. Growing up in a small village or in a big city. Some people are more open for friends. I met my best friends during my travels around the world, because people that travel are also looking for company and are in the same situation.
    I have lived all my life in a small village, but all the friends I made in my childhood are now lost memories and to get back into that community after being gone for 5 years is not easy, because everybody has their group of friends already.
    In big university cities it is easier in my opinion.

    Being excluded hurts, but the things that make you feel depressed are also the things that make you stronger.
     
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  13. Carbon6

    Carbon6 Fapstronaut

    At this point I believe the main reason I struggle so much is I'm slow at developing my thoughts, and I used to view this as a positive thing. Take for example thanksgiving dinner: everybody is babbling about the stupidest bullshit, like I'm sorry I don't really care what your coworker was wearing. They talk so fast, with very little space to interject, so by the time I've got my thought fully developed(even if it's just a few seconds) the subject has completely changed.
     
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  14. Roffelaar

    Roffelaar Fapstronaut

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    Haha I can relate so much to this. My brain can not handle all the bullshit aswell. If I really focus on the conversation (so if I care about the conversation lol) I would be able to listen. I will get a headache over time from all the focussing. But because people talk about such dull topics about what someone wears or how someone looks or what car the neigbours bought or whatever crap they love to gossip about, I just do not listen.

    People have such dull boring lifes that stuff like that is a subject in their conversation. It is hilarious to me.

    If you do not care about their smalltalk, then do not try to care. It is okay to be quiet sometimes.
     
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2019
  15. Carbon6

    Carbon6 Fapstronaut

    Today was a good day, made small talk one stranger this morning about what our speeches are going to be like. Talked a lot with a soon to be professor of mine, and learned some mathematics from him. Also had a conversation with another guy who shares my major, I thought he was a junior/senior, turns out he's a freshman(kind of). Slowly learning you can start with small talk and wind up with larger topics, from asking the stranger about their speech to talking about the Fibonacci sequence & the meaning of life. Progress is being made, but so far no irl friends have been made, just a few online ones.

    Thank you guys all for your support, this whole community. To think just 7 months ago I was completely socially awkward, no ambitions, no dreams, no direction in life. Now I'm in school working on stuff I actually ENJOY, have a part-time job with coworkers that I don't absolutely despise, am staying healthy by working out(still need to eat better/more), and now I'm working on developing a social life and ditching the toxic friends i have now. Thank you so much.
     
  16. abacus123

    abacus123 Fapstronaut

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    Great progress! Hope you continue improving your life! This is actually a great community, and I'm happy I found it :)
     
  17. Pity

    Pity Fapstronaut

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    Im your friend.
    Laws of attraction:
    No sooner than you have a girlfriend or an interest that you can immerse yourself into that you love then people will become interested in you. Juxtaposed to that when you are empty or full of longing then you will repell others.

    Its just human nature.

    You have more friends than you know. For now you have space and time to focus on fixing up your life so it is presentable for your friends or a girlfriend and thats exactly what you need.
     
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  18. goodnice 2.0

    goodnice 2.0 Fapstronaut

    I second this. I was feeling similarly to OP and still do to some extent but after months of self improvement and nofap, now people like me a lot more or at least they respect me. They are happy to see me.

    The world sadly has no time for losers so might as well work on self improvement. Only then will people respect you
     
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  19. goodnice 2.0

    goodnice 2.0 Fapstronaut

    same bro, like can we have some DMC’s(deep meaningful conversations) not this gossip and fluff
     
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  20. selfimprovement8008

    selfimprovement8008 Fapstronaut

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    hey man consider getting a customer service or retail job it helped me to open up to strangers alot
     

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