A redoubling of effort praise and hopefully faih

Going to use the following thread as my NoFap journal

Day 2 nofap restart: day 25 no porn no orgasm, but keep taunting myself with you know. so reset my counter yet again.

I'm going to stop doing divine office and instead do a set of prayer from a more basic prayer book will add some scripture reading morning and evening. Also its a modern world so might use abide to open up to God and meditate in Jesus.

Also going to quit tobacco again with patches and doing a few days keto deit to make it easier to fast on fridays. It's near impossible to fast for me while there's are carbs in my system. Won't be strict keto by carb cycling. 2 days keto 1 day fast on Friday maybe back on weekend on light carbs then prob next week back on keto till Friday fast than light carbs.

My Dr will absolutely kill me but...

Still heaving dreams of hearing scripture while asleep last night thinking I had been reading or hearing something along the lines of: Trust in Christ my lord. Can't remember exactly what the verse was I heard... No as bad when I dreamt God telling me to go convert Colombia I think there already Christian ha... Year I need to get out more.

Missing doing art so might have to do some today.

 

So far so good day 1 of nofap/strict mode. Was wondering if anyone wanted to join me any bible reading plans on bible.com(PM me or something), back to using that as my pc is taking up my desk space. No room for my study bible right now... plus its more convenient.

Been blendering and once I find my stylus will be doing some digital 2d graphics if and when such a thing happens.

 

man i really was not thinking with that title at 2am this morning... oh well

2 Corinthians 5:17-19
VERSIONS NLT

17This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!
18And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. 19For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation.

 

well day 2 is going ok no temptations lost track of how long I've been without porn coming close to a month now(25 days). Back doing some art again and blender modelling again, but alas packed away my pc again due to wanting the space to read my bible(big large print study bible). Might get a gaming laptop or workstation laptop for blender, have an iPad for 2d art. It’s something I’m keen to do though... just want to make sure I can be impeccable(God,I love that word) first.

also tempted to get an amplified bible and/or a more compact but large print bible that’s nlt, fail that some devotions from the bible, unsure if anyone has any suggestions just to take with me while I’m away, saying that I do normally take my iPad with me so may not.

still if anyone wants to ap with me or join me on some bible.com study plans pm me. I shall try not to spam honest gov.

Tomorrow shall be day 3 totally strict no pmo. No p and/or o in 25 days good for me infact really good for me surprised how easy it’s been and surprise surprise I haven’t died because of it or things haven’t dropped off.

 

Found a decent radio station premiere Christian radio. Used to listen to it while feeling ill year's ago but rediscovered it.nwasnt fully committed to Christianity back then but got me through some bleak phases. It's Protestant I guess not that that's an issue preffering sermons to mass

 

Day 3 no m today no porn in 26 days or so, no o in 26 either, some temptations in The last 24 hours, surprised how much faith I get from abstaining. Like my fortress said been placing my troubles at the lord feet, rather then doing written or memorised prayer, it helps.

got a new nlt bible coming from premier Christian radio, should be more portable then my study bible. Also brought prison to praise.

going to be checking out some different sermons and what not on Sunday from different denominations, see what I prefer. Might do mass online a]but I’m unsure right now.

I don’t see that I owe it to anyone to stay inline with the Vatican just because I was christened at birth and was confirmed before I knew what I was doing, my dads not alive anymore. Got a nasty cold lately. But do like some ritual but... only time shall see. If it makes me want to rebel against Christianity what I hear during mass then I think I should at first find a church that’s suits my mentality.

slightly feels like the world is harassing me though, but know that can be a trigger to fall into sin so might stick headphones on or do more abide meditations and ofc pray and read scripture.

still pondering if I need a new laptop or not, could be good for blender and easier to pack away compared to a desktop. We shall see.

 

Also found trans world radio which is also good. Day 2 or 3 no pmo strict mode has nearly gone ok. Pigged out not as coldified. Feels like the world has collapsed in on me. Looking for more books to read... some temptations of flesh. Havent read my Bible yet today

 

hmm temptation abound, got a broken boiler cant sleep just incase the engineer calls... so here I sit on the laptop wondering hmm could get a quick pmo in... silly I know but been edging a bit. idk if that counts as a relapse. Just a tad meh like a hot bath in the evenings... though I guess this is saving the environment a bit...

so to get off this laptop and read a physical bible which would be sensible or keep on the laptop and read bible.com?!

idk why things are becoming difficult lately. not even horny just want to quickly pmo for some reason. it's not even late only 10pm

Prob should leave the flat tomorrow now my cold is going or gone. Been inside for 4 days now.

 

John 8:34 (NLT)
Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave of sin.

 

relapsed late last night with the MO no P but just discovered i have no running water like doh

 

It will be day 2 from around midnight today, I've let too much slip like prayer and like bible reading. But I have been busy doing art and 3d graphics, going to just read the bible online for a while, finish up reading luke and do some bible plans.

Trying to learn to do 3d sculpting.

Going to just take what I disliked about my relapse ie smelling and the fact I found out it's smelly and makes me feel quite negative and like a hungry ghost the wants of the flesh. Not what I want from life. I think though 28 days was a good innings with no full pmo and glad I didn't relapse with porn.

Oh started reading Prison to praise late last night.

unsure ill shall be buying a laptop or investing any more in tech now, but I'm prone to changing my mind. It depends on how the next 20 days go.

 

hmm I've slacked of reading the bible and doing Catholic prayers, still trying to talk to Christ, but faith is wavering since that relapse, but might just have happened anyway, Tried to keep the sabbath holy by doing some online sermons but lost concentration on both. I seem to always go through these temporary intense obsessions this time it was the bible next time it's looking like art or blender 3d but it's been a lousy day, I thought I had things in balance before while reading the bible... but nope didn't last.

Wondering if life would be better if I cut my internet cord or got out of my contract while I'm still ahead then focus down on what I've got rather then being constantly distracted by temporary pleasure like that of Netflix gaming and constant shopping and wanting and lustfulness. But who would I share my art with... though saying that I haven't done any decent drawings or paintings in a few months or so. doh.

Did feel like I was missing out by not going to a church even an rc one and not praying written prayer of Christian prayers or common worship... but I don't think ill be able to do RC now I've blown it with the priest... so Anglican or Methodist I think might be my go-to I'm still planning on shopping around. CofE/Anglican seems good for the architecture seeing as they swiped all the catholic churches and the Music is good and the Services seem more informative.

oh well, day 1 or 2 whatever it is is nearly over still 28 or 39 days without using any porn, so at least that's a win.

sorry for the longish rant

 

yer, sorry twas but a bad day yesterday, I shall try to relax more today though did notfap yesterday so looks all good to keep on going for now. Also did in the end finish of reading Luke's Gospel.

 

day 2-3 is going ok, no urges. done some art no longer trying to learn blender much prefer 2d graphics and drawing, but also back reading the bible and prayed mondays rosary, might do evening daily office later idk, not worried about going to church right now as anxiety and paranoia are still high. Tried listening to live mass but got worried about illogical fears. Been feeling slightly down today and last night though... and very tired today. Nightmares last night, so thats not great.

 

had a wobble of faith but still nofap success of no fapping(pmo) nearly day 4. should be able to at least make 30 days, just ensure I'm doing the right thing about converting to Christianity it can be as barmy as Wicca or anything else what with prayer warriors and what not just my personal opinion from listening to twr and premier Christian radio, though there's still a lot to like apart from such, I just don't think prayer will solve my issues when I'm technically totally and utterly insane.

 

Jeremiah 29:11


For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Keep going brother! Seek the LORD with all your strength and ask him for more!
Only when we fully immerse ourselves in the Holy Spirit may we overcome all temptation!

 

sorry was being most negative yesterday... I apologize, still trying to read the bible daily going to do evening prayer I think out of my book. Still, my faith isn't what it was, but neither the less shall stick in here for the foreseeable moment and try to read the bible daily and worship in my own way... Day 5 is nearly done onto day 6 tomorrow going to try to beat my last streak of 28 days... haven't used porn in what 32 or 33 days. But I am doing gesture drawing from some nude models occasionally not counting that as it's kind of essential for the art I want to do. I don't get tempted by them so...

 

Day 6 nofap, 32 days no porn. Not too shabby, but been arting loads today and some gaming haven't had too much time for prayer or whatnot might read the bible before bed. Also struggling to give up the chewing tobacco/ snus.

 

well, nearly 7 days in 4 or so hours. Still, I m reading the news and thinking wtf is happening in the world and my country, no-deal Brexit, second wave pandemic. seems like the world has gone upside down. I'm quite outraged that our govt didn't really put any effort into negotiations, but they're all multi-millionaires anyway so doesn't bother then as much... But idk I fear for my future now, and the future of family and friends. Just a double whammy.