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A redoubling of effort praise and hopefully faih

For Fapstronauts who are disciples of Christ

  1. It really is adorable! You are talented. :)
     
  2. lol Thank you, I need to get back into using the program I used for that... ArtRage6 gives better results then photoshop.

    Day 16 going on 17 some temptations but not going to act on them. Did morning daily office readings was good. Also still praying in my own words to God and listening to tunes. Went for a walk for the first time in ages I had a swagger and felt confident... normally I feel meek and self conscious, so that's an improvement,

    Will prayer the Rosary later which I think its good as a Meditation. Its kind of like Buddhist mantra meditation.
     
  3. Starting off everyday with God is highly recommended. I have been doing it for years and it sets the tone for my day. I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself to do so many things. would encourage you to pray for God to reveal his words to you through reading the bible and listening to preaching from pastors. The Oneplace app has many good free podcasts on there. I LOVE the puppy picture. Is this your dog?
     
    Tao Jones likes this.
  4. well day 18, struggling with my faith a fair bit but haven't read the bible yet today, still praying also haven't done to rosary... shall fix 1 of 2 of those.

    Been digitally painting again though which is good. Still no real waves of temptation, want to get to the 500day club really. Nearly beat my personal best of 30 days just gonna hang in for 2 weeks more, then go the next goal of 90 days then hopefully 500. I think ive realised ive got to turn my back on my old ways. and find a new way what ever that is.

    Even if I backtrack on my new found faith will still volunteer with this radio station doing promo work. I still think its a good cause even if I'm doubting my faith, and still will continue with nofap.
     
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  5. well day 19 woot, decided to continue with Christianity but having some timeout from the bible to get my flat sorted. Set a small worship/bible reading area next to my pc. With incense crusifix bible and a decent oldschool candle holder... see if that helps. Have tried reading the bible but my mind isnt receptive to anything lately, difficulty concentrating and stuff.

    Also have neglected the rosary in the past few days... started it a few times but got distracted before the end of the first decade.

    But have listened to some abide, decided i didnt like the hallow app, going to do an dailly examen.

    Still have some doubts but going to push past those and continue trying to be as devout as possible.

    Nearly jumped ship last night back to Buddhism... But cant meditate and thats the whole point of Buddhist doctrine it seems. So pray and contemplate is my path forward. An opposite way to Buddhism but seems to work ok. Just hope i can stop my monkey mind from swinging.

    Been tidying cleaning and doing skillshare courses today. so not a bad days worth of productivity.

    EDIT/UPDATE: Done the rosary cant sleep so might get round to reading some of the bible... or just start a new bible plan perhaps.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 18, 2021
  6. Well lost faith for a few days had two relapses both gay and straight p**n, Just got discouraged by some things like the whole apologetic thing(catholic ignorance towards other faiths, some anti lgbt that i thought anyway)but had a chat with the christain place I'm volunteering at, about the whole lgbt rights within the church and my lack of ability to relate and apply what's in the bible and my lack of beleif in some parts of the bible. They where really kind and understanding, which surprised me. I did think they would be all hell and damnation but they weren't.

    Apparently there are a small amount of gay and catholic Christian brothers. apparently the bible doesn't say its against gods wish to be totally straight just to abstain from "harmful sexual practice's" but that goes for those who are straight too. i.e. no sex before marriage and stuff. God calls us all to live chaste lives outside of marriage. can understand and relate to that so all's good.

    also might be going freelance soon. Doing a course on how to manage finances and stuff.

    so alls not to bad day 2 i think today maybe 1 full day. the relapse didnt bring happiness if anything quite the opposi
     
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  7. Kemar935

    Kemar935 Fapstronaut

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    I relapsed today as well geester, I know the feeling, it sucks. Let's keep on going though!
     
    geester likes this.
  8. yer will do, had a productive day today so thats helped, flats a tad messy(thats an understatement) so really have to clean tomorrow.


    But today is a new start of nofap and this time i SHALL kick out the devil from my mind saying "'oi you devil out!"
     
  9. day 2: So, decided that i shouldn't base my efforts just on the strength of my faith alone, though that helps, got to keep going for my own sake, that way if the ebil one puts thoughts and sets temptation on my path I can say: "oi you, satan, get out!"

    First goal beat 20 days, second beat my previous best of 30 days then 90 till i join the 500 club.

    Update: Tonight's a bit more of a struggle, feeling totally disparaged against myself, my fails in life (mostly due to the porn, my original sin), the voices I sometimes hear... luckily not as might right now but fear a flair up might happen, my anxiety... also not as bad as it has been previously, also fear a flair up might occur. Maybe its due to being in lockdown or the odd phone call i recieved earlier who know. Also unsure how realistic i was by seriously pondering going freelance, what with all the limitations i put on myself

    Going to battle on, its the only thing left to do... tried self distructing far to many times, I serender to ye ol lord, have mercy on me, a sinner. Did the anglican rosary was fun helped with the voices i was having at the time... till i know if i can memorise some of the prayers(there based from the psalms) I wont know for sure. Good to mix things up occasionally and theres far more different prayer sequences for the anglican rosary then there are for the catholic rosary... Also never really understood praying to mary, i know she was Jesus's first disiple and crowned queen of heaven but... would prefer to pray directly to the father son and holy spirit.

    That and the fact CofE are more excepting of minority(Still kind of think im bisexual) with inclusive churche services. Feels more realistic and unsure if i really beleive in transubstiation. I dont think i would be allowed mass at a catholic church idk. But I would say this think i owe the catholic church a lot due to the schools i went to and the help i got unlike CofE run schools i went to who didnt recognize my dyslexia and dypraxia.

    Oh well no point in dwelling on the past too much, but fear for the future too so cant dwell there right now either.

    Things to ponder....
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 22, 2021
    Kemar935 likes this.
  10. Kemar935

    Kemar935 Fapstronaut

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    Nice goals you've set! Yep I agree, faith should be the main thing, and the only thing that helps during temptation. But there are still a lot of things we can do with our own efford which helps us to get less easily tempted. Let's keep going, day by day!
     
  11. Yer for sure. Day 3. Hopefully, the day will be full of cleaning and working. Going to try to find an online Sunday service tomorrow. Might keep the sabbath holy, watch a few different denominations... benefit of being in lockdown.

    Really hoping I get some self-control on the go. Not really the greatest at stopping impulsiveness and my track record doesn't look to great. Was totally sex/porn obsessed as a teenager and it's having a knock-on effect in adult hood. oh well now it's time to grow up and behave, be obedient to the Lord saviour... etc...

    Kind of wish i found somewhere like this before it had such a disasterous effect on my life.

    UPDATE: Reaching out to a Church of England church that does inclusive churchs services. Slightly bored so might do the anglican rosary or start a new bible reading plan or catch up with some ive already subscribed to. Reading Gospels in linear manner isnt working out for me right now, going to just keep it to the odd passages then might read some of the verse's context.

    Does anyone know the best way to approach memorising verses and is there any good way to do a journal on the bible's Verses?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 23, 2021
    Kemar935 likes this.
  12. I can recommend Warren's "40 Days in the Word" as a good intro to Bible memorization.
     
  13. ah cool thank you,

    Another note I've decided doesn't matter if I'm gay or straight or in between or out there somewhere still got to live a chaste life and not sin against my Lord. So, no more dipping the pen in the ink no more bashing the proverbial bishop. At least it if I'm straight I could do the nasty if I get married... which isn't happening now so... still need to live like a monk. With some extra liberties like music and some other benefits of non monkhood
     
  14. Last night was rough deleted my art web site last night... due to being paranoid about some things was going on to much about pondering going freelance.

    Day 4: gone ok, went for a short walk in the snow, watched a Church of England Service, though was quite distractable during it, set up a new website for my art, did a pop art dog and think I'm going to do the Anglican rosary in a sec.

    Going easy on reading the bible for the moment still haven't really got the concentration. Need to read up with bible.com some bite size verses i think in a second too. might do that before the Anglican rosary.

    no real urges today, expecting more as time goes on. By day 7 I recon.

    voices are still slightly a pain but got headphones on which eases the paranoia shame it doesnt rid me of those vicious demons. But compared to what they used to be like i have it easy.
     
    Tao Jones likes this.
  15. Stay tuned in to the Spirit's voice. When you learn to listen to him, all other voices will be turned down to a dull murmur.
     
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  16. I have been praying and trying to listen more, it's said that the holy spirit is closer than consciousness itself which I like. Voices for me anyway always seem distanced from myself rather than straight in the ear as other schizophrenics seem to have them. Continue I shall to try to pray and listen.
     
    Tao Jones likes this.
  17. Day 5 again some temptation also been slack with the praying due to being distracted by art and discord though the art I did do was quite introspective in some respects about the battle of devil vs the hope and grace Jesus offers. But i have let the side down by socially withdrawing a bit lately, need to force myself out my front door every day, it's a struggle some days.

    Makes my urges worst being stuck inside as get self-defeatist and act on urges more freely due to the negativity I feel towards myself and the bitterness i hold against the world... that's the life of a recluse though, got therapy tomorrow over the phone.

    Need to do a walk to see where this church im thinking of attending come sunday is. Its a more inclusive anglican church. Feels important to be welcomed to me no matter what and i shall then be more receptive to gods word. Still it will be anxiety prevoking at first. Will try to get out daily from tomorrow. Hopefully the ice and snow will have melted by then.
     
  18. day 6: feeling down, also unsure i want to call myself a Chirstian after some of the things that were said about other faiths on discord yesterday,

    [rant ahead]
    That type of thinking is behind every genocide, ignorance breed contempt and condemnation. It also pushes me away from wanting to be a Christian and people like me. Going to stick with God by my side and just ease of the discord or perhaps, from here too if it starts another debate.

    That and though I call myself a Christian still i still got lots of other denominations trying to lore me to their way of thinking and what not. Why preach to someone who's already converted, be me orthodox or catholic or church of england.... its mind boggling just a way to put some off christianity as a whole... where all worshiping the same God.


    Been doing a digital painting and planning on staying off pmo, but had a slight relapse with temptation and gave in slightly but gave up after 5-10 mins p or o just some m.
     
    Tao Jones likes this.
  19. Can you say more about what happened? DM me if you want to discuss details. I know the Discord server in question, and I do not want to continue to recommend it as a place to go for support and encouragement if it is not that.

    I am very, very sorry you experienced this. It is vile, and God is not pleased with that sort of behavior. I hope you will forgive those involved and cut through all their noise to find a clear view of God once again. I am here to chat any time, my friend.
     
    geester likes this.
  20. cheers I don't blame them; certain denominations are just evangelical but at the same time it was just slightly off putting. I probably overreacted idk, just don't deal with intolerance to well against anyone. Was just a tad low before i entered into the discord server and struggle with certain aspects of my faith as it is. It's good that people are welcoming, but I just don't get why try to convert the already converted... I like to beleive in the more healing grace of god and still think that the bible is a positive message and force... at the same time Christianity can be quite offputting in places.

    Just wasnt prepared for debates and arguments and head butting against walls. Especially as some of the arguements leveled against say Buddhism was based around illconceived notions and half truths or distrotions of half truths.

    I do agree with some of what was said but not for the same reasons, and re: sexual sin, i know sleeping out of marriage is against gods will but and i am glade for the greek orthodox for pointing out that it is healible in the eyes of god to heal such transgressions if you gay OR straight.

    God wants all to live a chaste life out of wedlock... but still idk im wondering if im finding what im after in Christianity... due to certain view points and what not.

    If Christ was alive today I wonder what he would make of the Religion that was founded in his name...

    All just my personal oppinion just going to stay away from Discord servers about such devisive subjects as Denominaions and Religigious subjects and what not.
     
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