A Response to being "Too Shy"

theLittleTachyonThatCould · Mar 24, 2019

I recently helped put on a play involving a lot of supporting characters who had to change microphones frequently between themselves. As a stage crew member, I helped facilitate this change. The only problem was that all of these supporting characters were girls, and the only place that the microphone transmitter could be placed without it being visible was down the back of their bra.

I changed a lot of microphones, but when it came to hiding the transmitters, I left that to my female stage crew counterparts: I assumed that the actors didn't want a teenage guy they didn't know reaching down their bra, albeit the back.

Afterwards, one of the lead actors, a girl who is enough of a friend to be blunt, told me that I should "grow a pair" and just have done the mic changes in their entirety -- that I was "too shy" for anyone to think much of it.

I appreciated the fact that I wouldn't automatically be thought of as a pervert for doing my job, but something bothered me about her statement. Just because I wasn't willing to do something that I assumed would violate someone else's privacy, I was thought of as having an awkward, childish view of the body and intergender interactions.

It seems like this paradigm that other people hold of me has affected my entire high school existence. I kind of had a girlfriend (it was one of those freshman things) and really liked her, but that fell apart and I, thankfully, remained a virgin and do to this day. Ever since then, I feel like people view me as unapproachable in some ways, like my silence indicates that I'm not open to conversation or that my respect of girl's boundaries means that I'm some sexless thing, instead of somebody who needs help to control their desire for sex.

Has anyone else encountered something similar, where your intentionality in how you interact with others has caused you to be practically viewed as a sexless, genderless, and desireless person?

Roffelaar · Mar 24, 2019

It is not about what other people think of you. What do you think about it yourself? Do you consider yourself a sexless, genderless and desireless thing?

That actress that said that probably doesn't care if a guy does the mic on her. But some girls do care about it, she does not represent ALL girls.

Infrasapiens · Mar 24, 2019

Yes to your question, also do not get provoked by things like that, she was probably waiting for you to react in a wrong way and then play victim.

theLittleTachyonThatCould · Mar 24, 2019

Roffelaar said: ↑

It is not about what other people think of you. What do you think about it yourself? Do you consider yourself a sexless, genderless and desireless thing?

That actress that said that probably doesn't care if a guy does the mic on her. But some girls do care about it, she does not represent ALL girls.
Click to expand...

No, most certainly not. I just hope that I can make an impression on someone that doesn't rub them in that way.

castlerock39 · Mar 25, 2019

theLittleTachyonThatCould said: ↑

I recently helped put on a play involving a lot of supporting characters who had to change microphones frequently between themselves. As a stage crew member, I helped facilitate this change. The only problem was that all of these supporting characters were girls, and the only place that the microphone transmitter could be placed without it being visible was down the back of their bra.

I changed a lot of microphones, but when it came to hiding the transmitters, I left that to my female stage crew counterparts: I assumed that the actors didn't want a teenage guy they didn't know reaching down their bra, albeit the back.

Afterwards, one of the lead actors, a girl who is enough of a friend to be blunt, told me that I should "grow a pair" and just have done the mic changes in their entirety -- that I was "too shy" for anyone to think much of it.

I appreciated the fact that I wouldn't automatically be thought of as a pervert for doing my job, but something bothered me about her statement. Just because I wasn't willing to do something that I assumed would violate someone else's privacy, I was thought of as having an awkward, childish view of the body and intergender interactions.

It seems like this paradigm that other people hold of me has affected my entire high school existence. I kind of had a girlfriend (it was one of those freshman things) and really liked her, but that fell apart and I, thankfully, remained a virgin and do to this day. Ever since then, I feel like people view me as unapproachable in some ways, like my silence indicates that I'm not open to conversation or that my respect of girl's boundaries means that I'm some sexless thing, instead of somebody who needs help to control their desire for sex.

Has anyone else encountered something similar, where your intentionality in how you interact with others has caused you to be practically viewed as a sexless, genderless, and desireless person?
Click to expand...

I actually have kind of experienced this- I've been told by lots of people that I have kind of a dark, brooding, reserved vibe that's very off putting. I think this is because I do tend to be very quiet and intentional around people I don't know very well. It's not that I mean to act rude, but it's just who I am. It does make me unapproachable at times, especially when it comes to girls and all that- all through high school people usually just assumed I was asexual (I'm not) and used to make jokes about me being perpetually single.

I have to be honest though, it's not something that's ever really bothered me. I don't really like small talk or dealing with people that much anyways, so it hasn't really had much negative influence on my life and I've never wanted to change.

I also have to say, even though you said the girl was a friend, I think that was kind of a rude comment to make- especially if you were volunteering your time. It was very thoughtful of you to take the cast's preferences into consideration (and I don't know much about theater, but isn't that kind of part of a stagehand's job?). I wouldn't let it get you down.

thedaring9 · Mar 26, 2019

So...were you tempted to put your hand under any bra?

...can't help it sorry XD

Jackb97 · Mar 26, 2019

I'll put my hand wherever but I don't want to get metoo'd

GorillaVikingwithaBLT · Mar 26, 2019

Honestly, it sounds to me you were just being respectful and didn't want to make them feel uncomfortable in any way. Maybe a little bit of shyness too, but that's okay. Don't let what she said get to you. I had terrible shyness back in high school (I'm still pretty quiet) but I found that when I get high up on my NoFap streaks I tend to be less shy... so maybe that'll happen to you too

Remember: It's okay to be shy. But at the same time, don't let that shyness keep you from doing the things you want to do.

justafriend · Mar 26, 2019

theLittleTachyonThatCould said: ↑

No, most certainly not. I just hope that I can make an impression on someone that doesn't rub them in that way.
Click to expand...

Let’s just rewrite the dialogue in your memory. You reply, “It’s called respect. You’re welcome.” And smile.

Roffelaar said: ↑

That actress that said that probably doesn't care if a guy does the mic on her. But some girls do care about it, she does not represent ALL girls.
Click to expand...

This. ^^^

Don’t ever apologize for being a gentleman. It’s highly attractive.

Be *confident* in your respect versus insecure.

Letskickthis · Mar 26, 2019

I think the best way to approach this situation in my opinion is to ask the girl. That way if she is uncomfortable with it she will tell you but if not it will just come off as you are being respectful.

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A Response to being "Too Shy"

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