A sad wife's journal

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by OneSadYear, Jun 28, 2017.

  1. OneSadYear

    OneSadYear Fapstronaut

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    It's an absolutely beautiful day, but I'm just sitting inside on the couch with my stomach in a knot over the pain of this whole stupid thing.
    Why does this have to be so hard? My heart hurts for all the men who are struggling so much with this. I feel bad for my husband, he doesn't like seeing me broken and crying, he is worried about whether our marriage can stand this. He feels like an a**hole. His life hasn't been fair. He was exposed to this at such a young age. He had a broken home, now he's in a home that is crumbling and it's all his fault. I wouldn't want to be in his shoes.
    But I also feel bad for me. I can only understand him to a point, then my female brain takes over...insecurity, jealousy, betrayal...does he even love me? Why is it so hard to choose me? I'm pretty and nice and fun and our sex life is (was)crazily awesome...why does a 20 year old bleach blonde with fake boobs win? Why can't he choose me? Why don't I have even that much value? So a young woman's bod is pretty to look at...whatever...it's superficial...I'm supposed to have his heart. All of our years together, the memories, the love, it's all worth less than the fun of ogling a pretty girl? So it gives him a rush and makes his penis feel good...that's worth more than my heart? It's a decision...why isn't it an easier decision. It seems simple to me, why can't he say, "When I look at porn, I am killing my wife. She doesn't trust me, she's so sick with sadness that she can't eat or sleep, she feels like I hate her. We have a wonderful marriage and she's amazing to me but...oh well...I'd rather risk it all to look at this girl's body."
    Why?
     
    Sadgirl and breakmylove like this.
  2. FlatlineFred

    FlatlineFred Fapstronaut

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    Why does the woman in the diet Coke ad get her friends to come look at the cute repair guy?

    It's the law of attraction.

    If you love him, support him and his recovery.
     
  3. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    @OneSadYear
    You are entitled to your bad day.
    So are you Fred.
    I think that coke ad is giving you a good excuse at the moment because you think alot of women do it too.
    We don't.
    Ads do influence us, however and this one, in reverse, is just showing that women can and should ogle.
    No.
    I'll pass on the dopamine drip thanks.
    And diet coke ads are what's wrong with society.
    They teach children it's ok to act like that growing up.
    It's not.


    Furthermore
    If you are truly happy and attracted to your partner... That doesn't happen.
    Unless that person is a addict.
    Here's how I know.
    I actually look like a P actress.
    This is my real life.
    "I'm not bad, I'm just drawn this way" - Jessica Rabbit
    Yet, it applies to me.
    It still didn't stop my partner for years.
    He had to Want to quit.
    Talk about giving me some mental problems!
    But it doesn't matter what you look like, you will feel not good enough because what they were looking at is nothing like what they have at home.
    Welcome to the forum and the club!
    You aren't alone and you are among friends!
     
    hope4healing, OneSadYear and Acheron like this.
  4. Acheron

    Acheron Fapstronaut

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    He is just an addict. Like the rest of us. And if he doesn't commit himself to NoFap and the community, he will probably stay as an addicted person.
    This question is like, "Why can't a heroin addict chooses needles but not taking a walk in the nature? Its more fun and more healthy." Why can't people quit smoking? They know how unhealthy it is. Well, its simply because those are the only thing that makes people happy because they are addicted. Simple is that.
    Addictions are so cruel and they are like nothing else.
    He's been taking dopamine (happiness of life) from porn for so many long years. Please think, if someone just takes the only thing makes you feel alive and "normal", what would you do? Please, don't judge a person who has imbalanced brain chemicals. He just can't think this right. But maybe he can, with a little bit help and support.
     
  5. OneSadYear

    OneSadYear Fapstronaut

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    Thanks Acheron, I know I need to try to remember that and to also remember that he's not actually fine with hurting me. I guess if I had to compare it to another addiction, it would be more like if he was a violent drunk who beat me up...I'd wonder why the bruises he'd given me weren't more of an incentive to stop.
     
  6. Acheron

    Acheron Fapstronaut

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    Did you ever talk with him about Nofap and its benefits? Or bad effects of masturbating perhaps? I think if you somehow let him see it or visit yourbrainonporn.com etc, things may get better. Even if he refuse it and don't believe such effects (Refusing addiction) the matter would be in his mind/radar to see and relate the bad effects. Hope things get better very soon.
     
  7. OneSadYear

    OneSadYear Fapstronaut

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    Thanks Acheron. I have shown him some of the info on porn addiction and he barely believed it...figured it might apply to some guys,but not to him. He figured he could easily give up porn. Now that he's fallen into the porn trap again, he realizes that even though it might look different in some ways for him than for others, that he is addicted. This is probably a really good sign and a reason for hope.
     
    hope4healing and Acheron like this.

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