A sailor's life

Hey guys,

I'm a European seafarer and started a 30-day PMO challenge 7-days ago. All was going well until today, when I got the news that after 3 months at sea, and now 4 weeks of holiday I have to join a ship again in 2 weeks, whereas I normally get 8 weeks of holiday. 2 weeks less holiday doesn't sound like much, but when you are away for 3 months it's fantastic to be among friends and family again and than 2 weeks can be very precious. And now I will again be away for 3 months. This message from my crewmanager in itself let me feel depressed today, increasing my lust for PMO, which I am trying to control right now. It's working quite well, I wanted to listen to some sad songs but then decided to put Give it away from the RHCP on live in slane castle, because John Frusciante is my favourite guitarist and he also broke free of a heroin addiction 'Cold Turkey' style, which is lightly said Impressive! So until this moment I have resisted the urge, but it's hard to get it out of my head.

Being away for 3 months has 1 big advantage, the internet on board is rediculously slow, so I won't be able to download or watch any P. So as long as I don't personaly ask P from one of my colleagues' HDD I won't have any temptations on board.

My actual trouble at the moment is that I am still a virgin, and I would love to have a girlfriend, not just for sex, but to share everything in life with. But in these 3 months away, I ain't seeing no girls, it's just 20 guys on a ship. So every time when I get near my holidays, I promise myself, that, THIS holiday, I will find and meet girls. But then at the end of the 2 month-holiday, I think to myself, Here I still am without any girl in sight. Since I started the PMO challenge, I've felt a lot of self-confidence and energy and I even noticed that I have some more eye contact with girls, in the super market and other places (nothing more than that though). But now that I've heard that I'm off again in 2 weeks, it feels like I again missed the chance to meet anybody and now again have to wait 3 months (which means that I will be back in the middle of March). It sucks to have only this seemingly short period of time to find somebody before I get off again. I know that this is the life that I chose for and I really don't regret it, but this is the downside of the medal I think.

It feels like there is some kind of pressure for me to find a girlfriend and have sex, before I miss out on it. Any thoughts on that fellow Fapstronauts?

 

I feel with you @SyrusDrake! It's something that you want to change but can't get any grip on, because it's not in our hands who we meet. It's even more frustrating when you see some douch treating a beautiful girl like a dick while you know that you can offer that girl so much more than that guy. But that's life I guess.

What you say about focusing on self-improvement is definetly true! Maybe after my 3 months on board and hopefully the same time without PMO, I will have gained more confidence and improved myself.

What frustrates me is that some people, usually guys who have just stumbled upon a girlfriend or where the girl did the first move, have no understanding for our situation and just think that we are shy and lazy. That is so frustrating. They have some kind of girlfriend that they have known as a friend or close schoolmate, and than they expect you to start talking to random strangers. I have promised myself recently to never follow any dating advice from these guys because most of this advice is just crap. Worst of all, they go to some random girl in a bar and say that you like her, that's like immediate suicide, and the worst of all is that after that whole akward situation, they feel awesome because they did that, while you feel crap because you and the girl didn't like the whole situation. It has more to do with their self-satisfaction than with your well-being, even though they think they do out of good will.

 

I think the best approach to this problem is believing that we, fapstronauts, take the hard, difficult and rough road rather than the easy one. I believe this is the case in any part of life. There is usually an easy road to succes and a more difficult. You can just pass a test or you can study hard for it and get an A+. In both cases you pass, but which one is worth it? I think that's why this forum exists, because there is a group of guys that want to take the hard road to succes. That can be succes in life, in a job, in relationships, etc. On this road we will be confronted with huge mountains to climb over and deep crevases out of which we have to climb. There will be barely anybody on this path to help you, maybe you get a supporting message of a fellow fapstronaut who already made it to the top, but that's about it. You probably won't get a reward for what you are doing, nobody cares. You do this just for yourself and for your own future. And you will see people walking the easy road, guys who just stumble on girlfriends, or who have a dad with just the right connection to get the job that you wanted, but fuck them, what have they learned on their road. So maybe the fact that I don't have a girlfriend yet is because I'm taking the hard road, but I believe that ultimately, this hard road will end and lead to a beautiful finish. A few days ago when I wrote the first post of this thread, I had fallen in a crevase and luckily managed to climb out before committing to PMO. But I think this crevase was situated in a canyon, and by starting this PMO challenge, I hope I have found a road out of this canyon and up to the mountain! Thinking about this visualisation gives me strength and tranquility to continue the journey!

 

To be honest, I've seen a lot of colleagues with excellent relationships. Being away from each other for several months enables that the relationship keeps young. The only requirement is that the girlfriend is mentally strong enough to be alone for several months. That's something I look for in a girlfriend and is hard to find. But I think it is an essential quality and I am determined to find a girl with that character trait. A friend of me has a relationship with a girl. During the latest exam period her laptop broke down and she got a mental breakdown, she just went completely mental. My mate had to make a one hour rush drive to get to her, and comfort her. Apparently she was a wreck. I can't have that happening while I'm at sea, because I can't be there for her at such a moment. This makes my task of finding a girl harder, but I'm determined to find her. And like many people say, first things first, self-improvement should be my number one priority!