First of all, I have no clue what retention, sexual transmutation or any of this means, I didn't look any of that up. I'm a 22 years old guy, I'm not religious, but I believe my life should be lived by acting out what I believe in. I've always had an idea in mind, ever since I was a kid, and I always knew deep down that this is the way I would do things. I would have one person in my life, no more. So I have been careful to find the one, the real right one, so that we would stay together forever. And I had many opportunities in my adolescenthood to have a partner, but I always refused if they were not searching for something serious, and after a while I found my partner. About a month ago we parted ways, after knowing each other for nine years. And for no good reason either, we were a happy couple, but the perspective of a life together since youth is so violently repressed within our horrendous culture that she became an idiot and started fearing lifelong happiness (her words, not mine). A day after we went our own ways, I decided that I would put an end to sexual activity, as I believe is the right thing for me to do. I will keep bettering myself and I won't stop myself from trying to be attractive and charismatic, because it has many benefits and powerful argumentative value. But would the perfect woman come along for me, I would be closed and unavailable. After a few weeks now, I'm starting to feel conflicts growing inside, the sexual part of me is deeply concerned and tries to fight back. It doesn't want to be useless, the continuation of the species must be assured and yadi yada. But other than internal conflicts, I started feeling love for more and more people. By love I mean, non-sexual love, actual care for my fellow human, woman and man alike on a level playing ground. I feel like It's something I could get used to, but there's a cerberus inside me, trying to pounce its way out, and its heads are Lust, Love and Loneliness. My desire is now to part ways with sexuality itself, whether it be sex, masturbation, pornography, flirt, arousal and any of those things overall. I want to achieve this, but I have to tame my beasts first. I had a hard time today, my beasts are well spoken and quite argumentative when it comes to "the meaning of all this". But somehow I still know, deep down, that I'm doing what I must. I believe in Love, hence my choices. I don't know why I'm posting this, the day has been rough, I guess I'm just ranting. Is that what we would call ranting ? I don't know. Hope you people are having a wonderful day and your lives are going great, best of luck to you all and keep drinking water, much love.