Hello everyone, I just wanna share the feeling that I'm having some diffuclty to remove in my life. A young man who had everything (not everything, I'm not rich nor a good looking nor famous nor having a relationship, I mean just a simple life that's so awesome) . Or if you watch Batman Dark Knight Rises, there was a quote that explain my life. Bruce Wayne/Batman: You told me a child did it. Prisoner: But no ordinary child. A child born in hell, forged by suffering, hardened by pain. Not a man from privilege. I'm not happy nor contented on my Iife due to comparison and self doubt. Yes, I am a man from privilege. My parents can give me what I want (but not all, just those important stuffs) like they can support my studies and willing to sacrifice their strength in order to give our needs. I studied on a great university (not in the world but I'm saying all schools who teach good stuff for students are great schools) but I never give my all (the best of my best) to achieve my dreams and goals to my future self, I just always failed on my subjects and I became a laughing stock. Because of comparing myself to other person, I lost my confidence and I hated those person(I just don't want to be with them). It leads to loneliness and self doubt that maybe all the people that surrounds me will be happy when I'm gone and I admit that suicidal thoughts pops up in my head when I didn't start nofap. There was a time that my friends having a good time without me. They're in one of my friends house and having good time singing and eating. The self doubt was so strong that leads me to loneliness. Then I used the computer to escape this feeling but it leads to edging then relapsed. And there was also I time when I met a guy that who was good-looking and kind was liked and loved by the people around me. I don't know why I envied those people. Then the cycle gone around again. Comparison > self doubt > loneliness > relapse Then I was thinking now to leave them (but I don't know if it is a good thing) and go somewhere else. I'm trying to change but I guess I was not good enough totally. Now I don't know the feeling or the attitude to be content and to appreciate what I have on my life. And the most frequent reason to relapse was due of that than being bored or triggered on some sexual images or movies Thanks for reading and sorry for my bad english.