A tip a day keeps the P away (66 TIPS IN TOTAL)!

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Deleted Account, Nov 18, 2022.

  1. Well as a reader, and a believer in self-help and the collective effort, I come acorss gems of wisdom on this forum (and on the web), written by many, I'll collect them here for all to read, ponder and enjoy during our hardships and struggle!

    Note: I freely edit / alter what I collect for clarity and simplicity; also to add my 2 cents sometime..

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    All of you are welcome to discuss/ comment / contribute; so let's begin!
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    (1)
    Today I am aware that there are lots of levels of 'escapism' in terms of porn. What I mean is that stopping using porn makes me aware of: not only how I could binge on porn; but that probably "off and on porn" has been a kind of 'comfort' blanket, a way of coping with and avoiding a lot of challenges for a long time.

    So without it, life is raw, real and has to be dealt with, no escape hatch. I feel much better, sleep better, more time, calmer, and yet, the reality of challenges that I have been avoiding is present, everyday.

    Life is challenging, and without a lot of support, community and friends to be honest with, it is a set up to want to escape it.

    I feel that we all need to understand that the underlying issues as to why we developed patterns of avoidance, escape and denial all have to be dealt with. It has to involve a new way to deal with emotions, relationships and involvement in our lives.

    That is the key for me, to see that giving up porn gives me the chance to deal with life intimately, be vunerable and try new things out with joy and openess. That is not comfortable, but it is the blessing of life, to be present and deeply with it all.

    As we all know, everyday. We need to stay with ourselves, explore our feelings, talk to others honestly and learn to cope with the challenges of the modern world, family, work, stress, physical challenges, children, temptations, and find a way to live our dreams.

    Not easy, but I feel lucky to have the chance. The alternative is to throw away the chance, lose others, to hide, and to spiral down and waste life. My answer to that is: No thanks!

    Thanks to @Jackj3 !
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2022
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  2. (2)

    Proven, Physical, Long-term effects of addiction to PMO:
    1. Downregulates neurotransmitters (e.g., dopamine and serotonin) - 1, 2, 3, 4
    2. Disrupts hormonal balance (e.g., testosterone, prolactin and adrenaline) - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8
    3. Decreases the volume of grey matter in the brain (prefrontal cortex) - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6
    4. Reduces the density of androgen receptors - 1
    5. Deteriorates mental health - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6
    6. Exhausts the central nervous system - 1, 2, 3, 4
    7. Decreases gastric secretions and induces GI ulceration - 1, 2, 3
    8. Disrupts gastrointestinal motility - 1, 2, 3
    9. Promotes insulin resistance - 1, 2, 3, 4
    10. Leads to sexual dysfunction and decline in sperm counts - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
    Thanks to @TheRisingShogun !
     
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  3. (3)

    Understand that you are engaged in a war to regain the possession of the life you unknowingly gave away to PMO.

    It should be treated as a hostile enemy because it doesn't play fairly. By not taking this seriously or by taking this halfheartedly, you not will get very far before frustration causes you to surrender to the enemy.

    Be warned, failure is a part of the process. Not every battle will be won. There are many It should be treated as a hostile enemy because it doesn't play fairly. By not taking this seriously or by taking this halfheartedly, you not will get very far before frustration causes you to surrender to the enemy.

    Be warned, failure is a part of the process. Not every battle will be won. There are many Success Stories to show that victory is possible but remember, an addict always has the opportunity to fall backwards and thus again surrendering the life you have fought so hard to regain.

    The battling may end soon for some but the war may last a lifetime for others. That doesn't mean there will be constant battles for life. Even in times of peace the enemy is out to still, kill and destroy you.

    Take up your shield and your sword and prepare for war!


    Thanks to @D . J . !
     
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  4. (4)

    Addiction... Am I really an addict?

    You wonder if you really have an addiction or you "just happen to like porn/ masturbation" well, the way you know something has control over you or not is, to choose to stop doing it, at that moment, to never do it again.If the thought of that unnerves you, there's a problem, if you can't do it, you have an addiction.

    This is a marathon, not a sprint. Along the way, the addiction will talk to you, and never in a good way. It will try numerous times:
    • It will joke with you;
    • it will threaten your life;
    • it will tell you you cannot do it; that getting clean is impossible;
    • It will lie to you;
    • reason with you;
    • shout at you;
    • scream at you;
    • whisper to you;
    • beg you;
    • threaten you;
    • blackmail you;
    • it will tell you that it is your only true friend, the only thing in this world you can, actually, count on.
    You must NOT listen.

    This addiction is lying, you must defriend, disown, eradicate, hate, and expel it from your life. If you adopt this attitude: you will win. You cannot beat the addiction while staying friendly with it.

    Thanks to @D . J . !
     
  5. (5)

    Just because you've progressed more than you initially expected on your first (or first few) tries, it doesn't make you any less of an addict than those who are struggling lots more or who have a darker history.

    Accepting that you're an addict is not enough, you are a serious addict, we are all serious addicts.

    There are no "stages" or "degree" in a PMO addiction (at least that's how your mindset needs to be).

    Thanks to @ZenPhysics !

    So in essence; we need to take this seriously :)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 21, 2022
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  6. (6)

    It is time to get real. Reality hurts, at first.
    Then, later, you just become a person who eats pain like candy.
    Then, later, the pain recedes. Welcome to the fight..

    Addiction acceptance means you acknowledge what you thought you were controlling is now controlling you.
    Once you accept you have an addiction:
    • Delete all of the P that you have from your computer and smartphone, including any history. Close all accounts / delete them.
    • Use P blockers on your computer and smartphone. This will buy you time during impulses.
    • Identify your triggers. What are the things that you happening in your world to cause you to turn to PMO for escape and comfort! This is the most crucial step in the process.
    • Once your triggers are identified, determine healthy ways of dealing with those triggers such as exercise, running, leaving the stressful situation and going outside for air.
    Here are some common emotional triggers:
    • Laziness
    • Fear
    • Hunger
    • Anger/ aggravation / frustration
    • Loneliness
    • Tiredness
    • Depression
    • Inebriation
    • General stress
    • Need for control/ feeling out of control or loss of control
    • Boredom
    • Helplessness
    • Illness
    When dealing with triggers, remember to STOP!:
    • Stop
    • Take a breath
    • Observe feelings, sensations and thoughts
    • Proceed with something that will help you in the moment (i.e. coping skills)
    Thanks to @WilliamOneAndDone & @D . J . !
     
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  7. (7)

    Guard your eyes. Be careful of what you allow yourself to see. No, you can't live with your eyes closed but you can determine how long you look at something. If you know it may cause you to fall, flee from it! Run in the other direction, sometimes that needs to be literal.

    Be careful of visual triggers from social media. Delete accounts if necessary.

    Stop placing yourself in situations where the situation has leverage over you. That means stop placing yourself where you know you may get weak and either give in at the moment or later on.

    When you see yourself beginning to be in a bad situation (ex. alone with a computer and horny), say what you feel or know you are about to do or likely to do so you can hear yourself say it. (Ex. "I'm alone in a room [with a computer] and I'm feeling lonely [or whatever the emotion is] and horny and I want to [watch watch porn and] masturbate but if I do that, I will have lost the progress I've made and strengthened the desire to do it again". By hearing you say what you are about to do, you may realize the price you pay is not worth what you will receive in return.

    Be careful of porn substitutes (p-subs). Whether it is Facebook, Instagram, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition, adult comics, erotic fiction, etc., using them may eventually lead to porn and in as the name suggests, are often used as porn. The same goes for television/movies and music.

    Begin a journal so that others can encourage you and connect with you.To create a journal, go to the Reboot Logs, find your age group, begin a thread. That thread is your journal. Go back to your first post and place a link to your new journal there so people can find you can follow you.

    Become active in this community. The more active you are, the less time you will spend focused on you. The less time focused solely on you, the faster time goes. There is an old saying, "a watched pot of water doesn't boil any faster", which means for this example, focusing solely on yourself and your issues won't make them go away sooner. It's OK to track progress but when spending more time actually living and encouraging others, you will notice the time of your sobriety will go so much faster than if you didn't.

    Thanks to @countryboy94 & @D . J . !
     
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  8. Biscuit09

    Biscuit09 Fapstronaut

  9. Thanks, you know I'm benefiting myself so I thought to share it with everyone; thanks again!
     
  10. GeorgeJetson

    GeorgeJetson Fapstronaut

    As others have mentioned, this is definitely a fantastic thread. Lots of good stuff in here. Thank you @optimistic7!
     
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  11. tawwab1

    tawwab1 Fapstronaut

    Thank you for compiling this.
     
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  12. You're welcome; thanks a million :)
     
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  13. Welcome dear brother :)
     
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  14. (8)

    Whatever you feed will grow and whatever you starve will eventually die or become so weak it's ineffective! Each time you PMO you feed the addiction, each time you resist, you starve the addiction.

    Along your journey, reflect back to who you were but don't go backwards! What I mean is don't fight to gain a week or a month or 6 months sobriety then waste the progress by "checking to see if all still works because I've been flatlining and I haven't been horny in awhile".Really? That is only a lie you are telling yourself to PMO. Seriously! You cannot have it both ways! You cannot complain when you are always horny and then complain when your not horny at all. What's the problem with that?? It's means you're on the right path!

    PMO is not a need; it is not analogous to our needs for sex and relationships and food. PMO is an addiction; a drug. It is an artificial construct; asimulation designed to hijack our brain. The fact that there is no single "physical substance" only makes PMO more dangerous. The physical substance being abused in the case of PMO is our brain.

    That said, we will NOT allow our brain to be abused by P. We will NOT crave the company of pixels over our friends and families and over our success. We will NOT be a slave to witless desires that ruin our relationships and stunt our personal and professional growth. We will NOT stop yearning, striving and persevering against PMO.

    Learn from your past mistakes. Making the same mistakes will wear your resolve to fight longer. If smart, learn from the mistakes others' have made (many around here)! There are far too many new mistakes that can be made than to get stuck making old ones. If you have a relapse/ reset, ask yourself "What could you have done differently which could have led to a different outcome?", then the next time you are in a similar situation, do that!

    Thanks to @Tomato_Bisque & @D . J . !
     
  15. (9)

    For all those who don't know how NoFap works / need a quick summary / want to understand the science of addition / need a PLAN to WIN...

    Watch this 9 minutes life-changer :)


     
  16. (10)

    Many NoFap will foolishly believe you can keep repeating the same behaviors and make progress and then rack your brains wondering why you are back at Day 01!!! Well, you MUST KNOW that when you choose to do differently, different results will occur.

    Beware of what I call the urge ambush. Urge ambushes are those times when all seems to be going well and you feel as though all is fine and then, from out of nowhere, BAM!!!! You get hit by powerful urges to PMO, not provoked by anything you have done but they, at times, can seem crippling and you really have to fight your way free from those urges. When that happens, you've been urge ambushed! NoFap works best when you see the damage PMO has done to your life and you want to regain what you have given away. Stop & think; Stop & think; Stop & think!!!

    You must renew my commitment for sobriety each day. The commitment is only valid for 24 hours. Next day you are free to make a new decision. Each day choose for sobriety.


    Thanks to @alex_sober & @D . J . !
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 25, 2022
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  17. (11)

    Don't exchange a problem with a problem; ex. those exchanging PMO with lusting after women in real life / relationships with women; at the SAME TIME; are just setting themselves up for failure.

    It would be better if we looked within for the root / deeper issues:
    - Not glad with our success status
    - Need improvement / getting serious with our work
    - Feeling lonely / unhappy (ourselves)

    Let's start with working on the roots from within, its OUR PROBLEM; and not run from a problem to problem to disappointment to PMO (downward spiral).
     
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  18. (12)

    Unfortunately, we see here many examples of limiting self beliefs.

    You will never be able to complete nofap until you overcome your inner narrative of being a failure or a loser. You must seek confidence in yourself and your capabilities. You want to be happy, you wants to accomplish your dreams - which by human nature, happens from winning.. but how can you do that if you are calling yourself a loser?

    Friendly reminder, a relapse is not a failure. Giving up entirely, like many do, is the failure. What matters is you keep going and keep building on that why.

    Why do nofap? Why? If you are ignoring the reason why, and instead focused on the fact that it hurts too much or its too painful, you will never make it. Someone who successfully quits something addictive like smoking, etc, ultimately has to build a strong reason why they are quitting - for the best results.

    Once your "why" is powerful enough, the feelings don't matter. Abuse of sexual pleasure is a horrific reality to be in, and the negative health implications are highly underestimated. So if you are ever thinking about doing nofap again, re-evaluate your reason why - and look into the "why" of others, especially those who make it far.

    Thanks to MysticalAgent8927865 (from Reddit)!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 26, 2022
  19. The seeker

    The seeker Fapstronaut

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    @optimistic7

    This is a very insightful and inspiring thread. Please keep up the excellent work.
     
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  20. I thank you dearly for the encouragement; I will hopefully do so on a daily basis :)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 1, 2022
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