Hi I'm Sebastian, I'm from Colombia (so sorry for my grammar and spelling) and I'm 19 years old. So this is my first time here, I found the site today while searching on the web while always after a workout I feel extremly horny and I realized by reading a few posts that I should be here and stop doing PMO. I'm gonna tell you why. Sadly since a very young age I discovered masturbation while I was just sleeping, I was 8 or 9 I guess. Also I can tell that when I was a kid I knew I was different from the rest and now I can say that I have this huge sexual energy going trough my body and it just feels awarkd, I can't relate to it because I don't wanna be part of it you know. I never wanted. So since age 9 I started masturbating in my room, when my parents leave the house I always felt the necesity to masturbate and I had this stupid rituals where it was just me naked in my bed touching my entirely body until I got satisfied. By age 10 I discovered that my father had xxx movies hidden in his closet so everytime he leave the house I went there and then put the movies in my tv, watching and masturbating in front of it. After doing this I always felt guilty and I guess this is where my social anxiety started. I need to be complete honest with you, I'm homosexual and since I was a kid I always knew so this is another kind of guilty you know. Being gay and addicted to porn are the worst feelings ever. And I'm not even ashamed of my sexual orientation, I love myself and I'm proud of me but when this two topics converge, well, are the awful feelings ever like I wrote. Maybe because are two of the greatest subjects banned by our christian society. So, I'm ashamed of being addicted to porn and masturbating not for being gay but let's continue. When I was in high school things got much more weird, my anxiety and embarrassment increase a lot and I guess it was because I was growing up and all of those things just dind't go well mixed, masturbating and growing up. When I was like 14 or 15 I started thinking this is bad, I souldn't do this, this is ruining my life and I still do. So since this age I experienced a low masturbating necesity, before this I used to fap like everyday in the shower or after school, even in web sites with people on cam. After this age I started masturbating like 2 o 3 times a week. When I was in high school things got much more weird, my anxiety and embarrassment increased a lot and I guess it was because I was growing up and all of those things just didn't go well mixed, masturbating and growing up. When I was like 14 or 15 I started thinking this is bad, I can't keep doing this, this is ruining my life and I still do. So since this age I experienced a low masturbating necessity, before this I used to masturbate like everyday in the shower or after school, even in web sites with people on cam. After this age I started masturbating like 2 o 3 times a week. Now I'm in college and I found that sometimes I get so embarrassed in public for no reason or I can't see people the way I should. Sometimes I'm just so full of angry and sadness about this thing and I can't relate to people. So I'm gonna start this program, I'm gonna set a goal and see what happens. I feel that it's going to be a huge change in my life and obviously I'm so sad about the fact that I should be started before, that I have wasted a lot of time in doing this instead of doing the things that I love. I love books, I love music and movies. This is what I'm studying so I need this change to be a better person and concentrate and appreciate the things that matter the most, like my family too. I want to start 2016 clean, full of joy and love. Thanks for reading. I hope someone relate to this. Feel free to share with me your thoughts on my case or to share yours with me. I know that the cure is also in finding compressive and supporting people about this topic.