about 40 days without porn. losing sex drive

M

mopeydick

Fapstronaut
married +1. 34 year old.
i have a strong sense i`ve been molested when was around 8 years old, i remeber the scene and things that's been said and the feeling i get while remembering. but draw blanks when trying to recall actuall acts.

i came across porn from about the age of 10,it circled around the town in floppy disks!
and on pirate tv cables.
was watching from now and than, until internet porn kicked in.since that day i've been watching porn for 19 years for almost everyday.
right now my marriage is in shambles.
i have doubts about the reasons we are married.
after watching porn i have been trying to get her to have sex with me. even thuogh she sometimes didnt wanted to.
but now after quiting porn i feel like i almost have no sexual attraction to her anymore.
its like the lack porn promted me into lowering my sex drive, in the first 20 days i was affraid to get arroused,/
but now i feel like its gone most of the time.
unless i see some women even in the street i feel like overly attracted to them.
dont know even what i`m trying to say here. but you guys will probably relate.
i think the doubts in my mind are harder to bear than quitin porn.
i know i dont want to watch porn anymore, and the default reflex is almost gone.
also before i quit porn i used to watch some sissy fetish and for a while taught i might be gay., i mastrabated a few times without porn. but i was sticking a dildo up my ass and pretening to suck a dick also.
its actually turned me on. i dont know if it feeds my porn crave or whatever.
thinking about having sex with guys repels me but a lady with a cock is something else/ so i dont know if its like a porn fetish residue or is it actually my thing
so i hope that in time things will be clearer.
i have no other option then to keep on pushin on untill reaching clean 90 days including like "soft" relapses like bikini babes and hopefully things will start to make sense.
right now feel like a total mess.
dont know if anybody will actually read the whole thing,. but just wanted to get it off my chest
so if your made it this far.
cheers!
 
It's your part of rebooting, you're probably on flatline ( fatigue, dead penis, no sexual urges). It will pass, be patient. Your brain experienced years of watching porn and is changed. It's healing, symptoms are the same like abstaining from drugs. Prepare for tough fight. Best of luck :)
 
Echoing @Veeav here.

And even if it isn't a flatline, per se, your mind will be clearer after 90 days, and you will be able to make better judgments then. Your mind and body are linked in many ways, and a time of healthy abstinence can do wonders for both.
 
You may not feel like it today, but you sound like you are healing well. In no-PMO, we begin with a time of strong urges, which fades into a time of no urges or desire. We call it "flatline." Our heart still beats, but it is like we have died sexually. Our temptation is to try reviving desire with a PMO binge, but that only resets us back to day zero. We have to resist and allow our body to heal. Our brain has to relearn how to function and feel good without the dopamine from PMO.
It lasts as long as it lasts. Each person is different. It helps to eat well, sleep well, exercise, stay social, develop hobbies, and work.
This is a necessary step to healing. Your body and mind is learning to compensate, and you will become a new person who does not need PMO.
Stick with it. Stay faithful. Enjoy the results.
 
HappyDaysAreHereAgain said:
You may not feel like it today, but you sound like you are healing well. In no-PMO, we begin with a time of strong urges, which fades into a time of no urges or desire. We call it "flatline." Our heart still beats, but it is like we have died sexually. Our temptation is to try reviving desire with a PMO binge, but that only resets us back to day zero. We have to resist and allow our body to heal. Our brain has to relearn how to function and feel good without the dopamine from PMO.
It lasts as long as it lasts. Each person is different. It helps to eat well, sleep well, exercise, stay social, develop hobbies, and work.
This is a necessary step to healing. Your body and mind is learning to compensate, and you will become a new person who does not need PMO.
Stick with it. Stay faithful. Enjoy the results.
Click to expand...

Well said : )
 
thanks guys! the forum is amazing.
after i posted that i read some more in the forums and learned more about the proccess and flatlining. so i guess its true.
you are an inspiration.
 
You're having flatline issues! The first 40 days are always the hardest for everyone some people's it's more. It'll will get better after 50 days trust me. Out of nowhere you will feel more confident with yourself. Find reasons to love yourself again and enjoy your wife's company again. If you find yourself feeling distant, always REMEBEr why you fell in love with her ! Love will always conquer negativity! Your wife loves you and that's all you need to conquer this plus help from us and you're golden :).
Everyday give yourself positive reinforcement and everyday tell yourself why you're life is better without PMO! Some days you will be tempted or have thoughts about it but that's PMO trying to win you over. Think of as a crazy ex girlfriend saying no I can change they only want to show you the "good" and once you're latched you'll be trapped ! You can overcome this my friend! I've been clean for over 100 something days I just recently wrote a success story few days ago and I describe my life feeling so much better before I was always flatlining and thinking I wasn't attracted to my girlfriend but I knew it was PMO trying win me back. Now on cue I can get hard asap ! It's the best feeling because it feels like the first time all the time without any bad fuel in my head no regrets no guilt nothing just me fully happy lmao !

You can do this too man I believe in you ! Good luck!
Stay strong !
 
mopeydick said:
married +1. 34 year old.
i have a strong sense i`ve been molested when was around 8 years old, i remeber the scene and things that's been said and the feeling i get while remembering. but draw blanks when trying to recall actuall acts.
Click to expand...

I am sorry that this was your introduction to sex. It should be something enjoyable and shared, not abusively taken. It is amazing how our minds can protect us from what we cannot handle. Some survivors internally develop alternate persons complete with independent personalities. Other survivors develop forms of amnesia with some memories returning decades later. I know someone who continues to be surprised by occasional new memories after over 50 years. I have no idea when you will suddenly remember the actions from 26 years ago, but it will not happen until you are ready to deal with it.
Whether or not you remember the acts, you are now living your own life well, freeing yourself from PMO to be a better father and husband. You are impressive.
 
HappyDaysAreHereAgain said:
You may not feel like it today, but you sound like you are healing well. In no-PMO, we begin with a time of strong urges, which fades into a time of no urges or desire. We call it "flatline." Our heart still beats, but it is like we have died sexually. Our temptation is to try reviving desire with a PMO binge, but that only resets us back to day zero. We have to resist and allow our body to heal. Our brain has to relearn how to function and feel good without the dopamine from PMO.
It lasts as long as it lasts. Each person is different. It helps to eat well, sleep well, exercise, stay social, develop hobbies, and work.
This is a necessary step to healing. Your body and mind is learning to compensate, and you will become a new person who does not need PMO.
Stick with it. Stay faithful. Enjoy the results.
Click to expand...
Wonderful summary!
 
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