About attention from women...

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Thechosenone, Jul 30, 2016.

  1. Thechosenone

    Thechosenone Fapstronaut

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    I have to say that you don't need to go on nofap for attention from women. Infact, the idea of wanting attention from women is quite a weak frame to be coming from. I say this because instead of seeking attention you should actually go up and talk to some girls instead.

    Also some stories about how girls magically look at you etc-etc seem fetishised to me. It just feeds into fantasy again, which is like mental masturbation. Any thoughts you have about girls giving you the eye over you are your own thoughts and any chances you experience this in your life is probably freudian projection - you project that wish onto your experience/ reality.

    The bottom line is that if one of your goals for nofap is to gain more attention from women, you need to re-evaluate this need. Instead you should focus on having great daily habits, and ACTIVELY approach instead of passively 'hope' for this. Approaching is an Alpha male quality, unlike passively hoping you get looks from women while on nofap.

    Don't get me wrong, women DO look at you more when you have a great streak going. Infact some even start spontaneous conversations with you, they want to be around you etc. But don't lose sight of the more important goal of getting better with women; be active. Approach 5-10 girls a day or even a week to start off with. Your success criteria is a mere 'Hi' if you said hello you win.

    I'd recommend to many here who are at least past the 20 day mark to look into RSD - Real Social Dynamics on YouTube on how to get better at talking with women. Get social and beat your addictions fellow fapstronauts.

    Peace.
    - Thechosenone
     
  2. overclocked

    overclocked Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the report. I'm still in my recovery process and too mentally drained to approach aggressively.
    I could do well with a flirt here and there though. If you notice a girl checking you out or looking at you, how would you go from there? Hold aggressive eye contact or play a peak a boo game, smile, say hi or wait for her?
     
  3. GSarosi

    GSarosi Guest

    Go up say hi and introduce yourself. Scary part is that initial moment of contact. Once you get over that small time hump it is smooth flow from there.
     
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  4. Thechosenone

    Thechosenone Fapstronaut

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    The best way to overcome approach anxiety is to approach a lot of girls, you need to warm up man. You can't rely on the perfect moment to meet your dream girl because you will not have aopraoched enough girls to make it a smoother experience!
     
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  5. Iwannabeme

    Iwannabeme Fapstronaut

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    Great post! I totally agree.
    I really liked this...


    For myself.... Going from that ultimat alpha that would appraoch girls that most other guys were scared to or approaching a group of girls which will terrify most guys, all the way to me months ago who could barely look one single not even attractive girl in the eyes in conversation is a huge jump in phsyche from the age of 18 to 24 now. Pmo really does rob you of your inner alpha and youbecome this weaker veraion of yourself, great thought provoking post my friend!
     
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  6. GSarosi

    GSarosi Guest

    Or if you really have your shit together she comes to you and the one who makes a move. If you can pull that off you are truly golden. By then you don't need to be what society called the alpha male. You become the ultimate true male. Yet it takes lots of patience to pull it off. You can't fake it though like you can with the alpha male persona.

    This is another thing about women. You guys are constantly thinking and wanting because we have restricted and limited ourselves from their presence. Yet when this comes easily available and always surrounded by attractive women you don't think much about them and carry on with your life. If you don't believe me try taking classes with women outnumber men on a consistent basis.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 30, 2016
  7. Iwannabeme

    Iwannabeme Fapstronaut

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    Great reply, i agree to a certain extent. Basically what you are saying is there is a step above the socailly percieved "alpha" , which tou refer to as ultimate true male where a women will approach you instead of vise versa. Definitely agree that that is a step above, cool thought and i def agree. I would say putting a name on it is what doesnt matter, weather they aproach you and you have the patience to wait or you approach a girl you have to talk is no different they are both one in the same. Being able to do either is equally impressive.
     
  8. GSarosi

    GSarosi Guest

    From personal experience if the girl approaches you let her do the work for once. Just still play your cool and remain the challenge though. Listen more, interact and observe. Also most important find out why she made the move at this period of time. I am saying this is because there was this girl where we had our eyes on each other for a good few months. Suddenly one day she came over and chatted out of the blue. Later on I found out she broke up with her bf a few weeks before and looking to fill some emotional void. So of that you realize you don't want to become some rebound.
     
  9. iceman40

    iceman40 Fapstronaut

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    I'm reading your post and it reminds me of the time when I used to read RSD posts. That site is great for beginners, at one point I was on it and I truly believe the stuff that was going on to be true. At the same point some of the stuff they talk about is total nonsense. What is alpha man? You rather be this man or someone full of love and caring for himself?

    I took their boot camp and I went to a superconference. There the coaches talked about the journeys that they went through. The end goal was to get laid. When this did not happen they got disappointed, cried, and felt like shit. most of their work is in the nightclub which means you're going into the nightclub at 11 PM and coming out at two or 3 AM depending on where you live. Usually people who stay up until 2 AM don't have a serious job at 8 AM the next day. So the nightclub thing is not very productive for real men who have real jobs.

    Don't forget that these guys are running a business and they need customers or clients who are in desperate need of a girl's affection. check it out one of the coaches got banned from Australia, Julien. see when you're a complete douche bag and don't give a shit about anybody but your own penis, others will see this and will take action. I have met Tyler myself and he has a girlfriend with at least two kids. He does not have an open relationship. And the girl who selected him is a beautiful brown skin that Latina. Some Latinas want pale skin white guys because they'll have beautiful kids.

    I'm not against RSD or any other pickup gurus out there. I think the game has shifted for us men. Back in the day when men did not work so they didn't have income and thus they needed men. Any fat slob, alcoholic, abusing man with an income would get a girl. Those days have gone and women make their own money. Thus they don't need a man's money.

    I live with a woman right now was my roommate and I work with women. So I know a lot about their details that the average guy doesn't. They're just like us men: they want to be loved and have someone in their lives. I usually women under 25 want to have fun and this is the age group that if you want to be a pick up artist around it will work great. When you get a little older it's harder to be a pick up artist specially if your end goal is to have sex. But sex without the emotional connection sucks. It's like the porn movies.

    I have been with over 50 local girls and with over 200 escorts. At the end I'm still alone. Let's assume you're an amazing pickup artist with women and you slept with the thousand of. Now what? What is your end goal? How long will you be sleeping with girls? See most guys all rule only and he wants something amazing in their lives. Yet we don't become amazing first. We let our physical body become completely out of shape, we don't have a game plan in life and we don't have goals, when our girl asks us what we should do this weekend we say I don't know honey what do you want to do? We don't read enough good stuff for our minds to grow and develop, we watched TV, movies, sports, drink, and other nonproductive stuff. So we can become great and amazing man without sacrificing our life style to go to the nightclub and stay until 3 AM to become better at picking up women.

    There are some guys who want to be with superhot girls. There's nothing wrong with that but most of the superhot girls or impeach in their heads. We can't keep the conversation. They're like trophy girlfriends wear in public everybody looks and says while this guy is with a hot girl. There's some guys who like that kind of stuff but his self-esteem. For me I have been with very attractive girls and I'm not fulfilled with them. I want to be within average looking girl who has a great mind who can help me in life and I can help her.

    Anyways I don't want to disagree with anybody on this site. I think we all come from different backgrounds and philosophies and in a way we are all correct. When I saw this post I have to put a reply because I was involved with the pickup community and RSD for some time. There is no such thing as a alpha male. A true man is compassionate, caring, and accepts himself for who he is. If he makes mistakes and he admits it. what ever path you choose in life remember at the end we all have the same destination which is death. Enjoy the journey and have a blast!!!
     
  10. overclocked

    overclocked Fapstronaut

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    I can identify with your post. Being good at pick up seems to require serious training. Going out once a week is already stressful and maybe even unrealistic for busy men.

    The business side of pick up, especially RSD, is obvious. I didn't go too deep into the matter but there is a lot of emotional manipulation that plays with male insecurities. With greek letters and borderline scapegoating.
    Fast sex ain't a thing. If I was going after sex only escorts would be a wiser choice, it's even safe and legal in my area.

    However, the thought of increasing your odds to be with a very good woman in a long term relationship is quite compelling. I did see some signs of attraction from girls the last couple of days but I don't know how to react.
    Approaching girls even if they didn't notice you at first seems to be a golden pick up rule but it is too stressful for me. Might be because of flatline.
     
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  11. Thechosenone

    Thechosenone Fapstronaut

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    No I disagree, women coming on to me is a bad idea and heres why. Women would only be down to use me for something. They'd only come to me for stuff - for example money. They wouldn't genuinely like me. In my opinion a REAL alpha male can attract whoever he wants to even when he isn't necessarily Rich.

    When you do abundantly have women they automatically chase you because you have choice. Those who don't comply can get lost, and your nonchalance about it all makes them want to chase. They think, wow this guy isn't like the others, he's not chasing me...buying me things, he must have something going on.
     
  12. Thechosenone

    Thechosenone Fapstronaut

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    I really appreciate your comment because it's taught me a few things. Yeah this post is definitely inspired some of the teachings from RSD. I do watch their videos. The reason why I do is to help me become a better version of myself, to improve my social skills, to be able to approach and have some cool reference experiences. But what you've said about the long term fulfilment is very very valid. It is a business for them - totally. The way to use thier teachings is literally like another self development tool in the armoury for us while we grow.. There are a few other points of view that are interesting. I hear MGTOW men who are fed up with relationships prefer sex on a very casual basis without deeper connection, to focus inwardly on achieving in his life without 'disruption', for various reasons....

    For the context of this site my original point is valid, to stop seeking validation by getting looks for women - to turn that into taking action and overcoming insecurities. I don't agree with the notion of "Pick up" as a long term strategy. I personally feel that a man should explore while he's in his early to late 20's to gain experiences and to afterwards find that person who's soul you aline with best to settle with; it can take a few tries
     
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  13. GSarosi

    GSarosi Guest

    Yesterday from my late yoga one of the regular girls came up and asked if we could grab a bite after class. Cool. During the meal we exchanged numbers and then our names. LOL. Then my gym crush from boot camp today out of the blue asked if we could chill again and get back to where we were two months ago. Ha ha. No. Don't think so. Well this is from my own experiences. Women come to me because they want to be with me and not anything else. Hmmm... Maybe the women I attract are between 26 to 29 year olds that is why. Also the women I attract "knows" me already because we regularly attend the same yoga, boot camp and dance classes. If some girl out in the street came up to me I would be suspicious.

    That sucks women use you and come up to you when they want something. Now I can understand your pursuit of RSD and the alpha male persona. Well I don't really subscribe to all this definition of an alpha male and what he supposed to be. This is because mostly things are too scripted. Maybe good if you are trying to learn and get a leg up but after a while you should know the strong best you and know how to package and deliver it to the world.

    Goung forward after a while all this female attention is going to bore you as it is going to take up your temporal capital. Women is like money. When you don't have it you are constantly thinking about it. And once you get it you immediately think about something else. Like ice cream.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 30, 2016
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  14. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

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    Everybody I know who follows RSD dresses like a slob. Basketball shorts, sweatpants, that kind of crap.
     
  15. JesusGreen

    JesusGreen Fapstronaut

    Unfortunately I think people miss the point of certain teachings. When RSD instructors mention things like how you can still get an attractive girl even if you don't have the looks yourself - a lot of people take this as "Great I can get fat, look like shit, and pick up girls!". As Tyler/Owen says himself though: Looks //do// matter, but if you don't have the looks you shouldn't let that get in the way of you being able to approach/talk to women.

    So basically: Take care of your appearance (clothes, facial hair, skin, body fat %, muscle/physique, etc) but if you didn't get born looking like [insert attractive male celebrity] that doesn't mean you're doomed to have bad luck with women, and on the contrary could in some ways be a blessing in disguise as it'll force you to develop better social skills than someone more attractive would need.

    RSD is solid, and the information they give out is on point. It's worth bearing in mind the 80/20 principle (20% of the work == 80% of the results, the other 80% of the work only gives 20% of the results) though. A lot of the things they talk about are very subtle adjustments that can make someone who's already good with women even better with women. If you're someone who struggles with women, those parts are not going to improve your 0% flirting skills past that 0%. You need to find that 20% that give most of the results, the core fundamentals, and focus on those. You also need to practice and put those principles to use, rather than just learning them and hoping the more you learn you'll suddenly turn into casanova overnight without doing any approaching etc.

    The main fundamentals are, in my opinion:

    - Actually approaching women. While it's true, you'll meet some women through work, or your social circle, or if you're lucky enough some women may even occasionally approach you, we all know how many times in life you'll see that really cute person on the bus and want to say hi, but not be brave enough. Well you should. The only thing that causes a 100% failure rate, is failing to act in the first place (i.e. failing to approach the girl and express interest). Even in some crazy situation where your chances are so ridiculous that you only have a 1/1000000 chance of not getting rejected, that's better than your 0% chance if you don't approach. Low chance is better than no chance ;)

    - Being comfortable in yourself and being able to provide for your own needs and entertainment. If you live a fulfilling life, with your needs met, working in a job or career that you enjoy, feeling good about yourself, always improving - you will be a positive influence on all the people you meet. This goes for people you get into relationships or sleep with too, and so naturally, the more positive an influence you become, the more others are going to enjoy being around you. At the opposite end of the spectrum, if your life is currently a mess, you don't have your basic day to day needs met, you take poor care of your health, you're ignoring your addictions and their effects on your health and psychological well-being etc.. all you're going to do is take take take from everyone around you, trying to get other people to fix you. As a result you'll be a negative influence on their lives, and won't be fun to be around, and you can guess what that means for women.

    - Having fun and being able to self-amuse. Relationships are not some formal arrangement like a business deal. You spend time with people because you enjoy being around them. If you want to be attractive to future friends or partners, you're going to be able to be able to create your own fun. Self-amuse. Do things just for the sake of your own enjoyment. Don't let your ego get in the way and cause you to live your life entirely based on what other people will think of you, but instead when you go out to have fun: Do exactly that. Don't go specifically for the women, or for the drinks, or whatever - just go out to have fun, and let the night roll on.

    - Not being a creep. This is perhaps the most understated one. In a day and age where there are rapists, murderers, and all sorts of other violent and disgusting people out there, is it any wonder that a woman will typically politely decline any advances made by most people she meets? It is a world where it is very hard to trust a stranger, and so perhaps the biggest thing cutting you off from relationships most of the time is not the good things that you aren't doing.. but the bad things that you ARE doing. If you're the type to say stalk her facebook page liking all her pictures but never saying a word to her, or spend years being her friend before you ever express any interest in her even though you've been interested in her from day 1, or perhaps you don't know how to take no for an answer and take a step back when she's not in the mood - hate to break it to you, but you're being a creep. Don't get weird about it. Dating is a normal thing. Talking to girls is a normal thing. Telling girls you like them.. guess what? Also a normal thing. Don't let your insecurities etc turn you into a creep.

    Once you got all that down, you don't necessarily need any specific techniques or whatever - although having a rough idea of what things will impress someone of the opposite (or same) sex never hurts either. Practice also makes perfect - don't expect to meet a girl for the first time and for her to be the girl you spend your life with. Most of the relationships you get into won't last very long. Most of the girls you approach won't be the ones you end up dating. Like anything in life, trial and error.

    [/wall of text]

    Just some of my 2 cents on the subject ;p

    Great thread btw ^^

    Also for anyone interested in any of this, I really do recommend the RSD material even if you're not a big fan initially, watch the longer in depth talks. I wasn't a big fan at first but gave them a fair shot and have definitely become a fan since then.

    This video in particular is one of my favourites, doesn't have to be applied to women either - but it can be used for all sorts of different areas of life. I've used it in a lot of areas myself. In fact I very much apply the info from this video to my NoFap, and it helped me reach 90 days the first time:

     
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  16. Thechosenone

    Thechosenone Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your comment it was great to read I think some don't fully understand the usefulness of the information at RSD, particularly as we are all on the nofap challenge
     
  17. Son_of_Iroquois

    Son_of_Iroquois Fapstronaut

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    Three words TAO OF BADASS.
    This is one of the best programs out there for learning how to attract women.
     
  18. Alpha male, MGTOW, swag, it's all blue pill stuff. Even "red pill" is blue pill.

    You guys want the red pill? Women are people. *GASP*

    The red pill is that people are people (woman, man, black, white, gay, straight, etc.) As human beings, our intelligence tends to like to organize things, which can be useful for sorting clothes, problem solving and finding forms of media that you will fancy. People are more complex than this. Classifying a group of people as "other" is dangerous. It's how both hate and fetishism become deeply rooted.

    An example of this is the whole "MGTOW" thing of "Women only want my $!" Sure, there are gold diggers out there, but I disagree that a majority of women are maliciously are "manipulative children" as I've heard some of these bafoons say. This is an idea based on fear, hatred and envy. Fear that a woman could never truly love them, hatred for women that love men other than themselves, and envy of the men that are loved by a woman.

    Women in general aren't out to get you. They are human beings JUST LIKE YOU! Some of them want a long term relationship. Some want to sleep around. Some don't really want to deal with any of that shit and just dive into their work or their passions. Some just want to waste away in their rooms in front of a computer screen looking at explicit pictures.

    I hate to be the bringer of reality here, but both the fetishized and the demonized versions that most men have of women are both wrong. Wayyyyyyyyyy off, by a long shot.

    The thing is that not all is lost. We can be empowered by this. Instead of thinking of yourself as an "alpha male" or "better"
    than everyone else. Imagine this, you just as easily could have been born as that hot babe that you so desperately want to be with. That means that she isn't better than you either, as she just as easily could have been born into your life. You were both born into your circumstances with no choice in the matter.

    Empathy is the ultimate seduction. People want to be understood, which is what intimacy is: to be understood deeply. So, how do you empathize with a woman that you are attracted to?

    First off, in order to truly empathize, it's important and essential to start from the right mindset. Think, "Wow, I'm attracted to this woman in a very physical sense. Now, I'm going to go assess her and see if she meets my standards as a human being." No alpha male BS, no pick up lines, just a completely different mindset of, "I'm awesome, she'll like me if she really gets me. If not, that's a reflection on her, not me because I'm assessing her!"

    Second, sexual attraction for a woman is different. It's slower and much less driven by the visual presentation. Much is left to personality, charisma, determination, a passion of life and independence on the man's part.

    It's easy for us as the males of our species to be turned on, as we all know. Doesn't take much. So, it's our jobs to take it down a notch and see the person for who she really is as a human being.

    Now, that we've established some key differences between men and women. It's important to understand why, we ALWAYS have to have a why for it to be rational, right? How is this for rational?

    Imagine that you are a hot woman and you are trying to find a good guy or hell even just a guy to turn you on. You have a hard time because you can't seem to find a guy that gets how to get you aroused. Instead, they all fumble around like idiots when they see you and make themselves totally not arousing. So, you come across as either "leading them on if you're too nice to them" or "a frigid bitch if you tell them what's up and that you're not interested."

    Finally, you come across a guy that seems composed around you. He's funny, he says all of the right things and tells you when you're being an asshole instead of randomly negging like a pick up artist. Then you meet another guy that's similarly composed and awesome. One of them could be an axe murder or a rapist or some sort of other scary person that could physically over power you. Who the hell do you choose? Flip a coin? Not only that, those guys that you turned down or "led on" could be violent or scary too.

    So, now that you've gone into empathy mode, switch back. Meeting a women is about establishing trust first and foremost. Establish that you aren't this scary weirdo and that, in fact, you're a great guy that just wants to meet a great woman. Then, be upfront about what you're looking for, whether that's casual or long term.

    Be passionate about whatever it is that you're passionate about. If a woman hinders that passion or you hinder your passion to please her. Stop. Move on and focus on your passion until romance is never again something that will stop you from doing what you love.

    Spread the love guys. Empathize and be the great people that I know that you can be!
     
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  19. overclocked

    overclocked Fapstronaut

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    I'm pretty much done with empathizing with women. It doesn't get us anywhere since they never attempt to empathize with men. Yes this division thinking is bad but women started it and we can't tell them to stop.
    (Well actually the elite started it but women took the bait)
     
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  20. Wow, that's really sad that you see things that way. You go ahead and take that mentality. See where it gets you in life. Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth will leave the whole world blind and eating soft food. Either way, I wish you well.
     

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