About my story - restart after 171 days

Hello everyone again!

I stopped commenting on these forums a while ago, I relapsed after 171 days. I had commented on my progress elsewhere on this forum, all in English, translated with a translator. I want to tell a story of my own:

I am currently a young person in that I am going to be 27 years old soon, and I am Spanish, that is from Spain. In 2008 I started playing an online video game called Habbo, which I remember perfectly. Time after time in the Habbo, I managed to get into that addiction where my studies began to falter quite a lot of it. One day in the game, I found some users who were sharing links, and out of sheer curiosity, I clicked on it. Evidently it was a pornographic site, there, I began to discover this new drug, masturbation. I remember seeing for the first time, I watched how they made a man have sex with a woman. I experienced my first pleasure in my life, and following the steps of that video, I discovered masturbation, and made my first ejaculation. I liked it so much, that I went back to perform those acts. I was an innocent of all these problems that I could get into. So, eventually, I wanted to see what gay sex was like, and of course, I started looking into fetish. I discovered that that was the potent pleasure for me, so, that's where I stayed. I stopped playing that video game after I started with that addiction.

Little by little, my studies went from bad to worse, already made worse by the previous addiction. I started to stop training basketball that I liked so much, I started to close myself more in society, I started to have a lack of energy, I started to blame everyone else, I started to get more angry with people when I didn't get that pleasure, I started to have a worse physical appearance, I started to have a negative mind, in short, I started all the bad things because of the addiction to it. I finished the course without obtaining the academic degree, instead, I passed an entrance exam to middle grade, which is what they call it here in Spain. I passed my first middle grade in microcomputer systems and networks, the truth is, I was not very excited.

That's because the excess of dopamine had kidnapped my reward center for that addiction. Well, after I got that degree, I started looking for a job all over Spain. I found outside the city where I resided, so, I went to that city. All this, started in the year 2015.

In the year 2015, I knew that I had generated a tolerance in which I had to increase the doses to enjoy that same pleasure, therefore, masturbation was already little pleasure for me next to pornography. I decided to look on the internet for prostitution to meet with them, well, that's what I did, yes. I got to meet with masters (guys, I had become gay by optical illusion), and I liked it so much that I continued with it for a while.

One day, I was with a master where I had to spend the night with him, well, when I woke up, my conscious mind woke up. I simply left that place. On my way home, while driving, thoughts of suicide came to me. So, I stopped the car on the road, and got ready to open the car door to throw myself on the road and commit suicide. Cause an accident, I was sick of all this shit. Luckily, I took a deep breath, and proceeded home before getting out of the car.

I hit my first rock bottom, I knew I couldn't go on with this addiction anymore. So, I started searching the internet on how to kick my pornography addiction. I found this forum, and I was reading several posts published on this website. Well, I did the first NoFap challenge in which I reached 104 days without success. I felt no recovery, and the reason is because I had relapsed several times during those 104 days.

After that relapse, I went back to meet other masters, this time, I was much closer. One day, I got tired of all this, it was as if the conscious mind told me: Sergio, you must change, or your life is going down. So, for the first time, I paid an instructor where he helped me to overcome this, but I was not about to do that overcoming. I got another degree while I was with that instructor despite relapsing several times. Well, I passed the nursing assistant care technician degree.

As 2019 came to a close, I wanted to start the year off on the right foot, so I took it upon myself to really start the NoFap challenge again, this time, with another instructor. I started to really work on personal self-development, I reached 171 days of abstinence, my longest streak. I started to make new friends, I started going to the gym, I started to look better, I started to improve my personality with others, I lost my fear, I lost my shyness, among other things. I was the glory, I was happier. All this happened until I had two jobs at the same time, I didn't get enough sleep, and my mind ended up getting exhausted. With the exhaustion, I had a moment of weakness, and I relapsed.

I didn't regret that relapse, I learned many new things, and that's what they remain. So, I went back to meet another master. But as always, the conscious mind woke me up again, and I wanted to start a good this year again, so on November 11th of last year I resumed the challenge of NoFap, currently I have 128 days, and I'm still like the eyes of a falcon, I have not lost everything I learned before. Now with my experience, I am a certified instructor by Pablo Zamit where I help to overcome his addiction to pornography.

I am fortunate to be able to tell this story and to be able to help others. Thank you for reading my story, see you!

 

I totally agree, these things happen. The good thing is that every relapse is a learning experience. I keep on with the following motto: "Failure is not an option, but it is a great opportunity to be invincible".