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About putting myself first

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by MountainGiant, Jan 3, 2020.

  1. Jan 3, 2020 #1
    MountainGiant

    MountainGiant Fapstronaut

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    One of the first things to recognize is that
    - I can't help others if I'm not able to help myself first, so...
    - my relationships will be lacking because of that (if I won't follow my needs first) and will eventually collapse
    - I won't be able to really be there and present for others when I can't do this for myself
    - if instead I just fake my behaviours I might one day can't take it anymore and just explode or feel sad (depressed?) because my intentions weren't true like I wasn't really caring about other person but caretaking (giving a damn about someone because "it's the way it's supposed to be") - this has happened before several times

    Well, I already had situations where I had enough and I told myself that it was the people I've hanged out with who were unbearable at some point. And while it might be true that they are not of the best quality and perhaps bringing me down, the real reason behind my frustration was feeling unfulfilled / unsatisfied with myself. More than that, I consciously made a choice to hang out with certain kinds of people.

    The conclusion, I guess, is that I REALLY NEED TO focus on my needs and fight back bad habits / cravings / distractions / anxieties that are constantly derailing me off the path.
    The process of getting back on the path I have chosen is hard when you've derailed yourself with bad decisions and actions of the past. But it's steady, although slow.

    PS. Recently I decided to start some journaling from time to time in order to develop a habit and I might publish some of my writings (like this one) when I feel like this.
     
    MountainGiant, Jan 3, 2020
    MountainGiant, Jan 3, 2020
    #1
    Optimum Fortitude likes this.
  2. Jan 4, 2020 #2
    Nicko Stretch

    Nicko Stretch Fapstronaut

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    Deciding on your own personal values and beliefs is key I think. Then work on developing the habit of running your thinking and behaviour past your values and beliefs and see if they are in line. I often ask myself "Is this a helpful action?" or "is thinking like this helpful to me?" or "does this behaviour fit with my values in life?" . This process helps me keep on the path i have chosen.
     
    Nicko Stretch, Jan 4, 2020
    Nicko Stretch, Jan 4, 2020
    #2
  3. Jan 4, 2020 #3
    Optimum Fortitude

    Optimum Fortitude Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    Dude, i have the EXACT SAME PROBLEM as you. I am currently reading a book called Not Nixe by Dr. Aziz on this issue and it explains why we act like this and how to break from from our caretaking, people-pleasing, lack of boundaries, guilt and anxiety in order to put ourselves first and be who we really are (often times, we dont even know who we are and what we really want, because we spent our whole life accomodating for others!). It's caused me tremedous hardship in my relationships.

    You're on the right path my friend. Being selfaware of your ways is the start of the recovery.
     
    Optimum Fortitude, Jan 4, 2020
    Optimum Fortitude, Jan 4, 2020
    #3

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