About to be married but...ED due to porn

but why?

 

I've been married for 8 years and the addiction almost ruined my marriage. I think he was trying to help you. if you just stop watching porn and masterbating your erections will come back, you wont need a pill. I too got self conciense and erections were difficult because i PMO too much. if you dont tell your fiance, things can go sour. this addictions hurts people you love. I've been there before.

 

Because part of what makes sex exciting for a woman is the thought that she is the one making the man hard by herself.

Would you prefer that a woman needed lubricant and faked her orgasm, or would you rather that she was naturally super excited and came because you were good in bed?

 

My suggestion to you would be to ask your girlfriend if she is okay with you needing sildenafil.

You seem very open and brave about your issues in general so that's a good thing

 

Oh my gosh, I was about to say exactly this!

If a man really knew the pain, heartache and anguish this has caused me as a wife, if you could see my soul crushed to the point where I can hardly stand .. if you could really see it you wouldn't GET married. If you could see me shaking uncontrollably with the deception and the lies, if you could see me desperately going through things, devices etc for evidence like a demented witch, if you knew how I felt every time a pretty face is on the tv, the phone, walking outside, if you could feel the deep gut wrench every single time, you wouldn't get married.

I used to be a happy, extremely confident person, and I still am to the outside world, I never had a care, I'm easy going and I loved, absolutely loved having S with my husband ... but inside now, I'm a ruined, damaged, devastated, crushed soul who trusts nothing *anyone* tells me, not anyone.

I beg you, before you steal someones life and soul, please get well first. There are many amazing, brave and wonderful men on here who have done just that, so it is possible.

I just want to say, it has NEVER been the P that is the biggest problem for me, its the lies and deception. If my hub would only speak freely to me, this could all have been minimised hugely, but the lies again and again and again and again have made me into something completely opposite of the person I was when I met him.

 

You literally said you have Ed due to porn.

 

just fucking tell her dude

 

OP asked a question about one of many possible solutions to a problem which is a direct result of an addiction which we are all on this forum to overcome. The responses are a bunch of shaming and attempts to induce guilt instead of an answer to his question. Is that what you people think is going to help? More shame, more guilt? Pretty messed up. Just answer his question and if you can't do it without shaming and guilting him them just don't respond. Nobody comes here for that.

 

I haven't tried taking erection pills, but I know those are to be taken at least an hour before engaging in sex. What's hard in being porn addict is the satisfaction you will get on actual sex.

 

That's what I thought! I had to re-read it. I'm thinking maybe my honesty made him be dishonest to himself, ie, i dont have that problem thankfully, so he can get around it in his mind.

 

THIS ...

... IS REAL

 

Careful with pills, because they don't even solve the problem, for how long have you been struggling with PIED?

 

Yes they will help

 

Hmmm... I you really care for her, just give her the choice.

Tell her that you have problems with your erections due to the porn addiction but you love her and want to overcome it. Stress that it isn't about her, it's about you having an addiction that you want to overcome, with her help and for both of you.

After that, I would ask her if she wants to wait for the sex until after your healed (which you must stress can take several months!!!) to have a "natural" first time or whether both of you really want to become one in the wedding night.

I can even give you a suggestion if you want to gently nudge her into the direction of sex if you want that yourself, but it works only under the assumption the she wants to become one with you during the wedding night, knowing that you may need some help with the medication.

If she generally is OK with the idea, tell her to give you the pill with a glass of water, deep eye-contact while you two tell each other that you love each other, followed by a deep kiss, and the reaffirmation that you want to become one in this very moment.
I personally would ask again before you enter if this is what she wants. Make a pause to look at her and give her the time to think about it. There is no need to rush anything. Especially not on the wedding night.

Those will be a key moment for both of you, and will stay that way for the rest of your lifes. But from what I've read in your comments, you are fully aware of this, so I have no worries about you caring for her, knowing the burden of that situation.

Tl,dr:

Ask her what whether she wants you on the wedding night while knowing you need medication to help you, or if she wants to wait for later to have a natural first time together.

 

And for all of here judging him, telling him not to go into marriage... you don't know him. You know nothing about him except that he became a member on an online forum, opened a thread and asked for help for his problem.

It feels to me as if people on here just take what they experienced 1:1 into his relationship and give him advice based on that.

He is different from the men you guys were/are with and so is the woman. Stop making assumptions that they aren't ready for marriage. It's not up for you guys to decide. The only thing that's up to you guys is trying to find a solution for him that also helps his fiancé.

It's hard enough not having a lot of people around and having to go on the internet for help.

If you want to help her, try to give him the best help you can.

Marriage isn't just sex. Just everything put together and all of it is build on trust. And in that regard, it feels to me like as if doing a good job so far, being so open with her.

 

just because your fine with porn and not with people means its psychological and not physical. it could be any psychological factor, maybe confidence, you could feel like you need porn and have doubts without, the more you worry to more its fails the more it fails the more you worry etc.

speaking to a doctor he might be able to diagnose the exact psychological issue.

maybe the pills could help with confidence id speak to a doctor though before you try any advice you get here because I wouldn't underestimate bad advice and especially opinions on a delicate psychological matter

 

As you have never had sex with her before, and you want it to pass wonderful, I think you may definitely try some pills. Regarding your issue i would say that first of all, you should not worry. Taking this kind of pills is completely fine and nobody is going to judge you. A lot of celebrities such as Hugh Hefner and Michael Douglas openly declare the use of erectile dysfunction treatment pills and are not ashamed of it. As I've seen in your bio, you are only 31 and I don't really think you do have some serious problems. I think that when you will get used to each over with your wife, the stress will pass away and you will easily enjoy each other with no any pills. So as you decided to try them, i would personally recommend to find out pills which will be good especially for you.There is a bunch of choices. The assortment is extremely big. You may ask from a medical assistant for a suggestion or purchase ones which are more universal. I had a similar issue but the doctor helped me to find out the reason. My erectile dysfunction problem was caused by the obesity. In case you have problems with the weight excess i would recommend you to practice some yoga and in general do more sports. It helped me a lot. In addition I've been also taking some pills called LIDA Daidaihua, which work as a fat-burning product. Good luck pal! Hope everything will be awesome!!!