about Watching Pornless Videos

I have had million of urges the last few weeks, about a specific pstar and a specific scene. I actually was going to drop it all today and just watch it and M, and journalize the before and after in order to squeeze some purpose out of it.

In another post of mine we discussed about watching non-pornographic videos of pstars talking, in an attempt to effectively overcome addiction and stopping seeing them as objects. Obviously, as you can read there, it was said it can lead to relapse.

So, today I was about to watch this scene, and as some other day I also had an urge to look at some youtube video (from here the idea came) I decided to watch it first, at least to see how I feel about watching her again. So, first result was this video:

Spoiler: TRIGGER WARNING: PSTAR

So I watched it and I felt really bad, this girl went through a lot and is really being abused in the industry. It's really different from seeing those talking about how they left the industry for being so obscure, because this is a person who is RIGHT NOW being a pstar, and has obvious anxiety problems.

On a side note, I now feel kind of down and still have some urges.