Abstinence and Objectifying Women

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Harry Pottery, Sep 13, 2019.

  1. Harry Pottery

    Harry Pottery Fapstronaut

    I have read success stories telling that, once we reach a certain moment of abstinence, you stop seeing women as sexual objects and actually care about building relationships with them.
    Well, I happen to experience the exact opposite. After releasing sexual tension, I can have conversations without second intentions with women, create rapport, emphatize and connect with them on deeper levels.
    My longest streak of abstinence (as of September 2019) was 21 days, and in those last days I was basically sexually interested in any women that crossed my sight. Every single adult female became hot, with looks paying very little importance.
    For those who are more experienced with O abstinence, is this often part of the proccess? Why does success stories around tells the other way around?
     
  2. DGZ

    DGZ Fapstronaut

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    21 days is too short. I'm at 44 days and I'm only starting to see glimpses of what those success stories talk about. This shit takes a long time unfortunately.
     
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  3. SaturnsSun

    SaturnsSun Fapstronaut

    21 days isn’t long enough for any real changes to take place. Certainly no lasting changes. I’ve heard that it can take some time for the mind and body to heal.
     
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  4. romeolima

    romeolima Fapstronaut

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    I agree with others it will probably take a long time for your brain to re programme. I'm approaching 60 days without porn and I still struggle to not automatically look at women in a sexual way. This is something I hope to achieve with this journey but it's still early days for me.
     
  5. MuscularSherlockHolmes

    MuscularSherlockHolmes Fapstronaut

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    You expect to overturn a bad habit of years to go away in weeks! Not gonna happen.
     
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  6. Harry Pottery

    Harry Pottery Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the replies. Just to be clear: I do understand that 21 days is not enough for a reboot. That was not what I asked, but thanks anyway. I could see a little further on the curve thanks to your sharing.
     
  7. SaturnsSun

    SaturnsSun Fapstronaut

    You were posting about being ornery and wanting to jump women’s bones while doing a hard boot right? I think that’s normal and it will go away eventually. It’s just going to take some time to rewire your brain. To develop better habits. Take cold showers every day. Join a gym.
     
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  8. Harry Pottery

    Harry Pottery Fapstronaut

    @SaturnsSun Thanks, mate. I do have cold showers in summer (much better and refreshing, and it saves me a few littles of water usage) and own dumbbells to workout at home!
     
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  9. bigbnoo

    bigbnoo Fapstronaut

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    I'm still struggling with this, myself.

    When I regularly watched P, I didn't really care about talking to women, I was kinda relaxed.
    Now, a couple of times I have had to talk to women that I have found attractive and it was bloody difficult, almost as if they are intimidating, which then makes me worry even more about how I am coming across.

    Perhaps depending on your past you may need to give yourself longer. Certainly I have had a longer history so I may need a longer reboot, way beyond the standard to be 'fixed'.

    I am inclined to say that starved of dopamine fixes, the brain will seek out other senses of pleasure and try to present them accordingly, ie, so even average women become attractive.

    I have found there is a similar comedown, I feel a little ashamed of it all, I have a partner already.
     
  10. I’m so groovy

    I’m so groovy Fapstronaut

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    Really!??
     
  11. Lil Wayne

    Lil Wayne Fapstronaut

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    I do not see humans as sexual objects.
     
  12. SaturnsSun

    SaturnsSun Fapstronaut

    Give yourself the gift of time. If you fall down just get back up.
     
  13. 12&6

    12&6 Fapstronaut

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    Itll take time . I dealt with this for years but because I was in an enviorment where I could have a lot of sex,at really any given time w/essentially no strings financially or emotionally. I literally could set my sights and go or just say "hey what are you doing later" it created a beast of unquenchable thirst and unfocused energy. An was draining even at times no pun either. Where theres wine there should be water right?...so natraully porn and fast women were everywhereand even at the same time.
    Its different in most mainstream lol....its not on tap (sorry)and shouldnt be so much for good reason. Youll bang everything and anywhere because its in our/your DNA. Itll become not just banging but an extension of multiple things. Power,greed,satisfaction,lust,need...ultimatly humans are social and physical...yet peramiters brother.Even if your sex positive like me...its like being able to eat your favorite food whenever all the time. Youll lose sight of why you enjoyed it and then it just becomes a thing. Not that you dont enjoy it-obviously youll know lol..but it becomes performance art. Sex is power and gratification,gift giving and recieving all at the same time and affects people differently. You become aware of it this way after depriving yourself for a long time. Powerfull.This gets your brains attention. Like telling an animal to focus..softly...then louder. Theres a good reason why women werent allowed on ships back in the day. Think about it. No land for months.. Theres plenty of stories on Pacific Ocean island colonists..1 man..2 women...hey lets check on him and his 23 kids and 4 wives ...years later. Men will be animals and de evolve very fast in dire times...thats a fact.The missle delivers the payload...what makes a difference is the man who pushes the button. Delaying gratification is ALMOST ALWAYS best in many terms. Again no pun.. Ive been fighting things for years. It doesnt help some women are programmed to dig that behavior:)... by society and are told subcon that thats whats sexy,important or just the beacon in their life...harness the energy. Focus. Your not a marauder ...despite what porn may program you to belive...your a man wrestling nature and a negative habit. Left to our own vices and w/ no order the natraul order of no order would play out the way you desrcibed... Redirect your thoughts. Focus heavily on anything and dont let your mind stray. Its when you realize the insanity of our nature that you truley realize the importance of being an upright man and fighting those shitty things.
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2019
  14. bluemax4

    bluemax4 Fapstronaut

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    If you've been addicted for years (thousands of days), then it's logical that it's going to take a long time to fully recover. 21 days is a good start when you've been addicted, but you can't expect to see a transformation over night. You have to see this as an evolution, not a revolution.
     
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