Abstinence Thoughts?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Deleted Account, Oct 8, 2020.

  1. I began reading this book called "The Wait". Pretty much waiting to have sex until marriage. Thoughts from you guys on waiting until marriage to have sex with your partner?
     
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  2. Love2LongBoard

    Love2LongBoard Fapstronaut

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    I think sexual intimacy should only be shared between 2 people that have a deep emotional connection and commitment to each other. So yeah, I say wait until marriage.
     
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  3. TARS

    TARS Fapstronaut

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    Hey Miggy,

    I think it's good to wait to have sex in marriage. But I think the reason why you choose to do that is more important.
    In the purity movement people are told to wait because the sex is better. When it isn't everything you've dreamed of, you might assume something is wrong with you or your partner. You might also wait because you think someone won't want you if you didn't wait. As a Christian I think the first thing people need to do in a relationship is have grace for their partner.
    If you're going to wait, don't do it for whatever benefits or consequences. Do it for your spouse. Start being faithful to them now. People think they can flip a switch when they get married, and mess around until then. It doesn't work like that. You are changing your character with every decision you make. Change is hard. I think everyone on this site can attest to that.
    Now me personally, I did not wait. It wasn't much of a deliberate decision I made. I was already deep into porn at the time. I just wanted sex-acts from my girlfriend, and I pushed for it. I wish I hadn't. I hurt her and it reinforced my selfish attitude in relationships. I suspect the same attitudes we reinforce through casual sex are the same as through porn: Self-centredness, greed, arrogance - when our only concern is what we can get from other people. I'm worried about people who quit porn so they can have more sex. If the symptom is overcome without confronting the problem, does the problem grow?

    Best,
    TARS
     
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  4. Stp890

    Stp890 Fapstronaut

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    yes bro I think this is the best option,because it is in accordance with Allah's commandments
     
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  5. Stp890

    Stp890 Fapstronaut

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    I need the book bro,send it to me.
     
  6. DuckofDeath

    DuckofDeath Fapstronaut

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    Personally that isn't for me, but I also hate the fact that mainstream society weirdly pathologizes the idea of waiting until marriage as though it is something that only religious nutcases or prudes do.

    Like others have said, sex should really be between two people who share a real emotional connection, or at least both parties should really see that relationship going somewhere meaningful. I think casual sex / promiscuity is very unhealthy.

    But I also want to point out that people waiting until marriage strictly out of a sense of shame, pressure, fear of sin, etc. is not exactly great either. There will be more problems if one party would like to work sex into a long term, committed relationship but they feel they can't voice their needs / desires. Ideally a sexually abstinent relationship should be something both parties participate in cooperatively with the aim of building a strong relationship over the span of decades. At least that's how I see it.
     
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