Accountability for All <UPDATED DAILY> <AWARDS>

In the past 125 days I have:

* PMO'd 9 times but not fully relapsed
* MO'd 1 time but not fully relapsed
* Averaging 13.9 days on strict PMO nofap
* 4 days straight nofap streak so far

 

Starting again
Day 1 checkin'.....

 

Let me try .. I am also directing this talk to myself ..

The more you relapse , the more regret and shame will haunt you until you are on the death bed .. when we relapse and binge, we should not be called "alive" .. we are dead .. we are living like animals or even worse (animals do not have what we have) .. we will be just eating, drinking, fapping/having six and entertaining ourselves .. what life is this ?! .. that is death .. our inner emotions are chaos .. we become like children .. we can not take care of ourselves, save others .. we become unreliable .. we lose any hope of following our dreams and making sth big to be remembered for .. we will be forgotten the next day we die .. people may be even happy that we died .. if we keep on binging, it is very hard that we will have any dignity in front of ourselves or others .. we will live a humiliating life .. we will lower our heads when go on the street .. we will not have the strength to look into people eyes .. we will isolate from everybody .. even ourselves .. we will forget who we are .. people will use us to their advantages .. people will move us like a chess piece on the board as we have no will .. we lost it .. we will keep going lower and lower and lower .. forget about good sleep, forget about healthy body, be ready to be bitter .. and unbearable .. that people do not want to spend time with you .. they look at you and roll their eyes .. we will be talked about badly behind our backs .. no one will respect us .. no one will really love us .. we will be petted like dogs just so that we do not bite .. real dogs will of course be better than us .. we will feel lower than all other men .. we will be feel like nothing .. once we have no hope in ourselves .. despair will hit us and we will just do the easy things that feel comfortable .. and most of these things are bad .. we will go down the road of horrific things .. there are tragic stories about how addictions like this turn people to murderers and rapists, even to their own children ... probably our families will leave us .. we may be homeless .. it is very hard to imagine any career with addiction like this .. you will be unsatisfied in every second of your life until you die .. you will be reminded inside your brain of your failures every second of your life .. you will run away from every challenge .. you will live probably in a meta-universe of illusion through movies and series , to run from this world like a coward .. you may be frustrated, angry , jealous , greedy , opportunistic , and all other worst traits you can imagine can be on that the surface of this earth .. you will hate yourself .. you will hate your life and where you came from .. your family .. parents .. children .. destiny ... you will keep complaining .. you can never NEVER stand for a just case where people are challenging you .. you will go where it is comfortable for you morally .. all the doors of hell in this world will welcome you to be their guardian .. and if you just realised all of this at certain point .. the pain inside you will be unbearable .. you will want to rip your heart out from your flaming chest that grill you from the inside inside and still you would not be able .. pain .. diseases .. physically .. and emotionally .. you will wish you never were born .. there is more of course but that is what came to my mind ..

 

Watch this movie .. it is called "Cherry" .. it is based on a true story about addiction .. not p* addiction .. but there is a common pattern between all of them ..

https://fmovies.to/movie/cherry-v96n4/1-full
(disclaimer: sometimes there are ads of n*de pictures on the right of this movies website .. TAKE CARE !!!) .. if someone knows how to block it, I will be happy to hear it !

There is another movie .. it has unfortunately six scenes .. and it is highly likely will trigger you .. but I can not imagine that you will be triggered after the ending .. if you want to watch it .. it is on your responsibility .. I do not recommend watching it alone .. by the half of it, I relapsed when I was in a binging period .. but after it, I was cold turkey .. and I hated PMO for quite few days .. because the movie message is very strong .. so you can watch it with someone .. the movie name is called "Shame"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shame_(2011_film)
(you can use the same website above "fmovies" to access it, but I do not want to do it .. as I may be triggered by the ads .. and I did not see any for more than 2 months .. it is not worth it .. you can easily find it there or using any other movies websites)

Goodluck !!

 

Today has been a good day so far. 14 days abstinence from masturbation and 4 days abstinence from porn.

I did see an sexual scene in a video game called Cyberpunk 2077 I was playing but I won't class that as a relapse. Next time don't pay attention to it.

 

Day 32 in the list!!

 

Today has been another successful day. Keep it up. Recovery is going as planned.

 

Had a 5 day streak broken unfortunately but I did finish reading a book called The Vile Village!

 

Checking in

 

I took off to two weeks after so many months but its just not enough. I realize that I was slipping so much during this time that it was bound to fall off the cliff. :|

 

Hello, I am new to this forum, I hope we can help each other here. I am trying to stop for several years now, but streaks were never longer than 1-2 months. So I am trying new things, like joining this forum for accountibillity partners and the HCT-method (started 2 days ago). I am currently on day 11, live in the Netherlands and I am 22 years old.

 

If you realky want to stop, I would post somthing daily and make use of accountiblility partners in this group.

 

Recognisable

 

You should be motivating yourself daily

 

Don't fight urges, they will crop up until they come back much stronger after time. Be aware of urges and let them be but don't act on it (go for a walk around the block, do some push-ups or something) and surf on your urges instead.

 

In the past 126 days I have:

* PMO'd 9 times but not fully relapsed
* MO'd 1 time but not fully relapsed
* Averaging 14 days on strict PMO nofap
* 5 days straight nofap streak so far

 

I just relapsed on day 2, i lost control even by having flashes of thoughts

Also, i just recently read that and it's terrifying indeed. I can't believe i just kept falling on the same mistake, even with plans in my head

I admit, this February has been nothing productive, but stress but also with a lot of free time
My unwillingness to get out of my bed and fight my anxiety / lazinessto to do something is real. It's what lead me to a relapse, since i've been doing anything productive at all.

 

Today so far has been a successful day.

15 days abstinence from masturbation.

5 days abstinence from porn.

 

Swimming was amazing. When I was making my way to the swimming centre I strongly believed I was being watched because when I came to end of my road a series of cars drove to the end of other roads to turn it felt suspicious but I ignored it and I won’t let that cause a relapse.

 

Day 33 in the list!!