Accountability for All

Checkin - All good, I mean, I`ve been sleeping less than I need, but it`ll get better.

 

Day 0

 

Checkin'. Been sick for the last couple of days so it's been hard to do exercises or even motivate myself. I will watch some videos for motivation as my daily morning routine.

 

I had a slip.

 

Checkin

 

I am on day 30 of a hard mode 90 day PMO reboot. This is what is needed for me after years of live sex webcams and masturbation. It has ruined my life. I found NoFap 30 days ago after a big binge, several days of watching webcams and masturbating. I have spent a fortune on this addiction over the years. I have spent a considerable inheritence I received all gone on webcams to the point where I am completely broke and had no money for food. I couldn't even get a loan from a high interest loan company. I was desperate after try time and time again to give up this addiction. I have PIED and no longer interested in real sex. In fact the last few times I had sex which was a few years ago I found myself treating the sex as foreplay for the webcams and went on the webcams after the sex. I actually preferred the webcams to real sex, can you believe that. I am so addicted I would rather watch webcams and masturbate than have real sex with a real person. I was and am so desperate to stop this addiction. Within a few minutes of joining NoFap I had it confirmed what I really already knew and that was that I couldn't do this alone. I have now gone 30 days without relapsing, which is a record for me, I have never gone this long in my life, never managed more than a couple of days before relapsing. I do spend a lot of time on here but that is better than spending time on webcam sites. I journal twice a day and respond to other guys posts trying to encourage them in their journey. I realised by accident that by trying to encourage other guys I was actually encouraging myself to abstain. I am going to check in here daily as well probably about 6 - 7pm Well this is my story if anyone is interested. I always like reading other guys stories as well, the positives and the negatives of their journey to freedom. Thanks for reading.

 

Day 1

 

Binged and relapsed again. Been a couple of days I was sick. It was hard for me to concentrate and loneliness attracts urges that led me to binge and relapsed. I really need to start checkin on each and every move I make during this odd times.

 

Day 31. Starting day 31 of hard mode PMO 90 day reboot. Full of hope for another day free from porn and masturbation

 

Check in - Yesterday I had another slip. But I finished reading The Por* Trap (It`s AMAZING).

 

Day 2

 

Checkin'.Today was national independence day. All the people in my hostel were celebrating independence day with their friends and relatives except me. Everything thats been happening in my life with social anxiety and depression living away from home got into me. I have no friends or relatives who lives in this hostel or in this city. My classmates are pretty awkward around me despite their welcoming behavior. I keep them at arm's length trying to not to talk to them bc the shame, the guilt, the burden is affecting my behavior when I try to open up to them. Life at home was so simplistic and innocent before college. Playing football with some known friendly people for 8 years. If only I was aware of my condition for porn addiction during that time things would been far better. But that was 5 or 6 years ago. Life went downhill with college and its just sucks. I was never the same person after that. The comfort zone was never there for these many years.

 

chekin'! Doing good as of yet.
Special thanks to @TheBluePrint for his support, for reaching out to me when i was down.

 

Slipped a bit to some lesbian junk while surfing the internet. I really need to tone down my use of internet. I will probably lock my browser until it's needed.

 

Day 0 started

 

Checkin in. Hope everyone is having a good day!

 

Check in - I`m doing fine.

One thing that I learned - Make a call to a friend, counselor or any other person that you trust, when you`re feeling the urges. Have several of those people available for you to call and not overwhelm anyone.

 

Day 3

 

Relapsed

Why do we fall Bruce ? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.

 

You’re welcome bro!