Accountability for All

Oh yea thanks for existing as a safe space for me to be pecans in

it’s nice to observe my own wandering mind in a non harmful way

 

Checking in - I relapsed yesterday. I had easy access to porn on my porn, I had my passwords, and I was alone. I felt suicidal at the moment. Overcoming porn addiction is very fucking hard, and having my dating life under control may be even harder so I truly don`t know If I can pull this off. I`ve been trying for years, but my dating life is bogged down, with no improvements.

 

@higor pereira araujo ah yea I been feel suicidal regularly too.

it drove me back into therapy and they put me on bupropion antidepressants. I been feeling hyper from those and was up late as evidence by last post

I’m not suicidal yesterday albeit hyper so I’m continuing the bupropion till I see my doctor and maybe can try fluoxetine

idk if u have health insurance like that tho if you wanted to try the same stuff

ideas: ommm if it ain’t working try new ways to make it work?
If it is working keep doing it. And if it isn’t broken don’t fix it

Google: SUICIDE HOTLINE if you’re ever feeling at risk for self harm, please try out seeing a therapist and doctor about antidepressants/therapy if you’re willing to try. They can be uncomfortable at first but very helpful for depression and suicidal thoughts long term. It’s good to have options

Day 20

DISCLAIMER I am not a risk for suicide or self harm. Thoughts don’t equal action.

and I haven’t had SI (suicidal ideation) for over twenty four hours so yay me

my gf wants me to like erm errrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmm. She said yogi can tell her whenever I have issues. Like it’s safe to open up to her about mental issues I’m dealing with

but like that sounds scary. I don’t want her to feel like I’m a burden and leave me

I just want her to stay. She’s nice to me .

I think she’d stay if I tell her more stuff. I just said I was feeling down, not SI. Glad she encouraged me …….to do therapy. Although I wasn’t happy to be told to do something like that at the time it kinda saved me now

Took a day to myself yesterday. Been going hard socializing every Saturday and Sunday so. It was nice to have alone time for a day.

just kinda lonely tho. Wonder if I can find a way to hang with peoples on a Friday :/

or like get off work early and chill myself fridays so I can see friends and gf on weekends

 

Day 21

I do so enjoy the calls on sundays but it's been hard to connect with peeps from the group so I'll try to keep giving them chances somehow or other. How to do that? Well I talk to A sometimes .

Okay not really much but I can ask to try to connect with people more on there -_- crap

It's kinda lonely in recovery for me right now. May I find a way to make friends in recovery and chat with ppl. So, A and who else ? ? ?

Go Sperm Clingers!

 

Thanks for the thoughtful message.

I`m not going to kill myself, I know those tough emotional moments are temporary.

 

Checking in - Yesterday I had some triggers but I coped with them. But today I`m dealing with sleep deprivation.

 

You’re welcome. I didn’t think you would I just wanted to check in to make sure.

ooh sleep deprivation haha I slept till like ten today. I’ve been up because the antidepressants made me hyper the first few days too. How come you’ve been sleep deprived?

 

Day 22

got up so late today I don’t get to train in the morning. Oh well. I’ll train on my lunch break and eat food at my desk between calls to save time

I’m planning to do 5-6 exercises but I’m not sure how it’ll feel to do that much

I don’t think I’ll have time to use the weight vest today sadly oh well reps are good too

I’ve come back around to the vest and the rings. Worth it for the home gym gains hehehe

Had a sexual dream that happens when I get overheated so I took a layer off and slept fine after that

I’m aware that non ejaculatory sex can happen for me and will try to make it happen on Friday. It just makes me more energized to do it that way

peace out

 

Day 22

Not up as late. Keeping to my in bed by 11pm goal . . . So I got like 54 minutes to get into bed.... 50 minutes lets not cut it too close

What does Yogi wanna do in the next fifty?

OPfffff text Llewellyn.

 

Checkin'

 

Well, I just have a hard time falling asleep, and I often wake up in the middle of the night. But I stay in bed for 7hr and 30min, 30 minutes to fall asleep.

 

Checking in - I'm doing fine, but I'm watching animes now and sometimes I wonder when I'm watching them "Is this a trigger?"... For me, if it doesn't turn me or make me think about sexual stuff, it's not a trigger.

And, I've trying to quit porn for almost 2 years, and honestly, I don't know If I'll ever make it. It's so fucking hard. I think in a few years I may succeed, but I don't know.

 

I've been trying to quit for about 4 years. I went on a streak of 255 days but that was 2020. It's tough man but we'll break this.

 

Day 23

@higor pereira araujo ya man I sleep struggle too. It's the anxiety I guess. I'm planning to try out the hour ver of this program https://www.ehypnosis.com/programs/improve-sleep while reading manga on my couch before I retire for the evening. The article I read last nigth said that it's good to not sit around in bed too long. But eventually I gotta just lie there cause my body's tired

Watching Attack on Titan now. It's awesome. I got a hoodie coming in the mail that's got the scout regiment patches on it. <3 <3 <3

I wanna say, I was okay. With the sleep and all that. But, I insisted on making friends. So sue me. Making friends causes me a lot of anxiety. Sighs. My plan is basically don't text them after 7pm. So I have some time to recover from exposure to the social anxiety.

I wasn't willing to shell up again and give up on my new friends. Lele and Robot are cool. I was praying and I asked to keep just two friends. One boy one girl. And I felt that was the reply I received. To pick those two. And it makes sense that those two would be the ones out of all my friends to keep in the royal inner circle. Because, they're good beings. They have good moral fiber. I feel they have implied through what they say and do that they aren't much the type to cause harm to toehrs and probably even reasonable folk when it comes to having clear boundaries.

There were a bunch of other friends but I guess these two are the focus. Gotta keep trying to get used to interacting with them. Even if it does cause some anxiety at times for me.

Ommmm

@Punisher7734 @higor pereira araujo @TheBluePrint hey thanks for all the likes blueprint and everyone

So like, I know I haven't had a streak as long as punisher. My longest was 5 mos. But, I've always felt confident that I would be able to handle quitting PMO. It's just a matter of trying different ways to prevent it till I figure out how to maintain a streak forever.

I have this confidence because I successfully quit alcohol/subtances (4 years) gaming 2 years 10 months
I quit: Gaming 11/26/2019, Substances 9/2/2018

Having stopped those addictions I feel like I've learned a lot about what goes into helping me stay stopped.

What I did that worked for me was: I found a group of people to support my recovery. For substances I went to AA for a year. For gaming I was on gamequitters for a year posting to the forums daily

And for PMO. I'm posting on here daily and I'm also in the weekly group calls. Honestly I thought I'd be able to manage no pmo with just the forums. But, it wasn't enough for me. Which indicates that PMO is a bigger beast to tame than gaming was. I was able to quit gaming with just the forums. But, as soon as I did my first group call I started recovering and was able to maintain my streak. My only mistake was leaving before I hit at least 1 year no PMO. I left after just 3 or 4 months streak .

Make it at least one year before trying to go it without support group(s) if ever. Maybe forever in nofap groups is best for some.

Find Replacement Behaviors

These are essential. Make a list of 3+ things you'll do instead of PMO when you're having a tough day

For me thats: 1. post on nofap forums 2. post on telegram group chat 3. read something 4. watch something 5. pray. 6 meditate 7. Drink water 8. Eat chocolate 9. go for a walk 10. Get food nearby 11. write in my poetry journal 12. go shopping 13. lie down and focus on relaxing

Keep your list in your phone notes or on paper in your wallet. Bust it out when you're struggling. If you get through doing 13 things on a list. Just go back and do the list again until you pass out from being tired or no longer have urges. Healthy distractions work. You could include studying or exercise on there too I just didn't wanna overdo those areas.

If it's not broken don't fix it. If it's working do more of it. And if it's not working try a different solution.

As always Just Keep Trying means try different ways of solving the same problem till it's solved. You don't have to solve the whole problem. Just the worst part of the problem needs to stop. you can worry about fixing up the rest of the issues of your life once the PMO is resting peacefully in it's coffin.

Yogi out

 

Appreciate the advice Yogi!

I had triggers and didn't cope today. Relapsed. It sucks. But im going to keep going.

 

That was very inspiring dude, thanks a lot!

 

Checking in - Yesterday I had a mild relapse, I searched for sexual content and stuff, but it wasn`t a big deal. So, I trying hard to improve my dating life, because that`s the root of my addiction. Very often I feel hopeless but remembering the good things in my life motivates me to keep going.

 

I feel you, but there`s no reason to beat yourself about it.

 

thank you @higor pereira araujo

 

Checkin'. Feeling a lot sick today. Doctor said i have i have food poisoning.
Completed a month yesterday but i feel like 30 is just a number