Accountability for All

Day2

 

Today was a bit tough, not because of the cravings, but I was feeling down for some reason. In spite of that, I progressed a bit with my thesis on the weekend, but it still stresses me somewhat. Also it was the first weekend after a long time that I didn't drink when going out. It felt a bit strange but I expected it to be worse.

 

I`m glad that you solved the problem. About schizoaffective disorder, that`s probably difficult to deal with, but you know, in this life everybody has their crosses to bear, stay resilient. Yeah man, I`ll have to pay at least once for those calls to see how it is.

 

Checking in - Yesterday I was a little bit depressed about my ear problems, I have tinnitus and it annoys the fuck out of me. The good thing is that it is possible to overcome. Anyway, I`m doing a course and mentorship about seduction and socialization and it`s been working out great. Now I do have the courage to approach women. I`ll keep doing my best to overcome porn.

 

Checkin'

 

That’s

good about the approaching. What’s helping your tinnitus? Yea we all suffer some way. We can still find a way to live well I like to think. I’ll probably see you on the call. I’m in the sundays at 8pm video call if u wanted to request joining that group

 

Day 64

dang I thought I was at day 62 that’s like finding money in your pocket. Nice!

danggggg I got crazy deals for cyber Monday my mind is reeling with both the saving and the money I spent. Probably $400 almost. Yikes . $170 was on a MMA membership tho. It’s been one of my seven dreams to get mma training with a black belt in striking.

it was $30 off for cyber Monday on mma and also I get a free t shirt and 16oz gloves (a 40$ value

I’ll try to Figure out how to punch better and just survive. Do whatever it takes to take as little damage as possible. I can worry about inflicting more damage once I’ve found a way to survive the many years of training ahead. May it be so

 

Compressing help, but it's a long journey to complete recovery.

 

Checking in - Yesterday I felt very intense withdrawal symptoms, such as anger, overthinking, malaise, and fatigue.
It was really hard. I was on a roller coaster of emotions.

 

Day 64

I saw my mom yesterday. It calmed me down and put things into perspective for me. I don’t care about setting records and achieving crazy things in sports right now. Maybe never honestly. I’ve done it a million times and gotten the same result: I get burned out within a year

I quit the exercise gym and stay home. Train at home and feel better. My life’s always better when I don’t join gyms. Maybe I can try temple or meetup again. Dunno tho. I suppose I have enough training with others to just train on my own indefinitely. I know how to do all the stuff.

 

These last 7 days were on easy mode - I was on vacation. Back to my normal routine and this is where the battle continues. I'm keeping my morning devotional going where I write in my journal, on nofap, and do some spirituals stuff like meditation. Want to get my discipline up and keep it there.

 

So today was not too difficult at first. But by the evening I got more and more tired and stressed, so I opened instagram started looking at pics of girls but almost immediately I stopped. Felt really disappointed in myself. I don't count it as relapse as it wasn't porn, but watching these would definitely lead to relapse. So I need to be much more conscious about these, and I definitely need to ask for help when I feel overwhelmed. Hope tomorrow I will be more cautious.

 

Checking in - Yesterday I relapsed for 3 minutes, I just saw uncensored sticks. Anyways, let's keep trying.

 

Day 65

Yoga was different. I missed my group call this week and went to hot yoga so that’s more of a struggle for me this week. May I get through it.

just trying out a trial. Monday wednesdays and fridays are good ones for me to do class on. The hot ones are more difficult for me I’m used to room temp

 

Did good yesterday. Today I had a sexual dream and although it wasn't a wet dream, it stuck in my mind and I'm worried it will make today difficult. My mind has gradually stopped focusing on it after my morning devotional so thats good.
Keep it up everyone!

 

Checking in! Starting over but did finish reading a book called Psycho Cybernetics!

 

Checking in - I relapsed yesterday but I won`t get discouraged by it. I just have to keep working on the roots and eventually, I will quit porn.

 

Day 66

oOoOo my cns is calming down now. Darn hot yoga was too hot haha. Todays rest day. Tomorrow I’ll do a room temp yoga class. Then I’m planning to go to the calisthenics park so I can get some hanging knee raises in. I can do toes to bar or muscle up but I’m not focusing those. The HKR feels best on my body so I’ll play to my strengths and max out on reps of those. Let’s get a abssssss

 

Happy December! After yesterday morning (last post) things went better. My dreams didn’t negatively affect my day. Here is to another good day. You got this everyone! Mind over body w00t

 

Checkin'