Accountability for All

Day14 : what a depressing world, feeling low, but peaceful even in midst of irritation.Feeling like running away and lie low for a while. I wonder if I'm flat lining. Urges are there from time to time, but manageable. Maybe the brain fog is back. But more importantly I seem to be in a fog

 

Day 18 and this is how I am exactly feeling. Idk why it feels so depressing suddenly .

Most of the time I am just laying in bed and doing nothing. I have never been in a flatline before.
I just checked my monthly PMO spreadsheet, this is my longest streak in 269 days. this cue exposure + blocking is really working for me

 

I am watching prom everyday but I am trying to curb my urges by keeping myself busy. I see that people here have urges even after 200 days without fapping. So I guess the road to recovery may not be so easy

 

What are you doing to curb it my friend ?[/QUOTE]

I nap when I get bored aha

 

It's my first day after a long time but I am hopeful today I will get better in time

 

best of luck...

 

this is awesome bro!

 

hehe. i hope so too man.
and you to bro, you've also been doing so good, keep going!

 

Why i feel myself to be new in the journey after every relapse?

 

DAY 8 report.

I'm scared for tomorrow you guys... I'm getting my wisdom teeth removed and I honestly don't want to deal with the after effects.

ooooooOOOOOoooooooh shiny!

To be honest, part of the reason I do this is self-sacrifice. I do this knowing I won't be cured of urges, but at the same time there's no real need to be cured of urges or have them removed. Shifting our attitudes about things like that is key to solidifying your sobriety. I also do this because I don't want to be part of the problem that is the porn industry. It may hurt in the long run, but I can walk proud knowing that the small part I play is making the world, and the internet, a healthier place. Especially for the newer generation.

 

Day 29 in the books!

 

fck i just reapsed . I will not binge and will start doing cue exposure on my phone . It didnt feel good. I made the terrible mistake of "experimenting"
I told myself i ll look at P for a few mins then do the pushups, I was wrong. I violated the first ruleof cue exposure that is dont look at for more than a second .

 

haha ur msg definitely makes me foggy. Now worries bro , that means you are improving, i would suggest you to keep reminding urself the reason u started this by writing it on a piece of paper and frequently checking it out.

I like the post of @BlueLacuna001 in this respect, he has a big vision then giving shit about urges , that is make society a better place . Think about that and urges will automatically go.

I see ur blueprint to handle this.

that is the best way to handle this , may you succeed in ur vision.

the important thing is you are trying everything you could . maybe add in ur practice this thing - visualising things u dream of . that will give u extra motivation . dont loose hope and get back to the real things in life immediately.

 

great initiative bro!!!

 

I finally understand that we don't need to orgasm to survive. I think a lot of us blame our PMo struggles on perhaps not having a girlfriend. But in reality the pmo issue was going to be there regardless of is we where in a relationship or not.

I destroyed relationships through my pmo use.
I also sabotaged potential relationships because I already had a relationship with my computer. I did not understand this at the time but this is what was happening.

I used to attract women then after a while I struggled. I put it down to they must have been stuck up.
Or something because I was Gods gift to women. Right?

Wrong. I was already in a relationship with a computer screen. Wasting my essense and life force on a tissue.
How pathetic!
When you think about what it, for what it is, it truly loses any shine it may still hold.
I am finally at a point to where I am ok if I abstain for a while.
I don't need to find someone to help me stop having urges.

No in time when the right lady comes along I will marry her for her friendship and her companionship.
Not for the purpose of helping me not have to have urges.
That would be objectifying not love.
I want to love another soul for who she is not to help me deal with a silly habit.

I'm doing ok now.
And I am no longer bitter for why I ever took this up in the first place.
No there is no need to go pointing the blame in any kind of recovery.
Forgiveness and self forgiveness is one of the most important things you will ever do.

Be brutally honest with yourself. If you need a little help. Install some software that blocks.
Journal. Look for the lies that you have believed about yourself and also your addiction.
Then come up with something you will combat that lie with next time an urge strikes.
Replace it with something true.
Pmo is not a temporary fix because you are not getting laid like all your friends.
No it is a dirty discusting habit you do because of many different reasons.
It could be stress, depression, anxiety, not getting outside enough, or simply a drug you turn to when life gets you down.
It's like heroin promises a good time but its simply robbing you of joy and a full life.

Do yourself a favor.
Do whatever it takes to quit this.
Don't suger coat the reasons why you relapsed.
Face it for what it is, call it what it is and deal with it.

 

It's the second day of my journey. I had some urges in the morning but thought about everything and the urge went away. I am happy with myself. See you tomorrow.