Accountability for All

Day 49

Hooray I feel exhausted from the Covid booster still so I’m going to take the day off!

I’ve only taken one sick day in three years. This’ll be so nice C:

I’m gonna try to read today instead of anime. I find that’s more restorative for me. Cas is at work so , I guess I’ll just enjoy being alone until I get the energy to wash dishes or take a short walk

I do my best reading when I do it first before any tv or manga . Then my brain can process more challenging reading

not sure if I can manage to Zazen right now. I’ve learned my lesson. If you feel really tired from Covid booster or something rest. Don’t make yourself go socialize, work or exercise . Just sit around the house drinking vitamin c and eating healthy food. And go for a walk but no more exercise than that.

sighs , it’s that old people life. Haha. I’ll take it . Wonder if I can go back to work tomorrow, darn vaccine, I should’ve just not gotten vaccinated and not gone to xgiving . Well I do enjoy being around others on holiday and xgiving with mom always sucks because no one speaks English. And the foods no good either if I’m being honest . It’s just edible

Enh ok time to call in “sick” weird I haven’t done this but once in three years and I wasn’t sick eithe time . But prevented

right I’ll read the dharma 4-10 pages then it’s manga and rest time I suppose

 

Day 0
Once more. The spoiler is me repeating an affirmation to get me on track.

Spoiler

I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.
I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

 

Checkin'. I had wet dream yesterday. I also had a more social day. Non reactivity is important if i have to survive

 

Checking in

 

God damn it, you`re a wise guy. Thanks. I meditate every day for 10 minutes, I don`t if it`s enough but it makes me feel good. I`ll search for more about it.

 

Checking in - I need to get my shit together. Whenever I spend 10 or more days without porn and then relapse, I stop using my coping skills (meditation, journaling, exercise, visualization, affirmations, and cold shower.), in those moments where I need them, even though I do them every day in the morning.

So I need to start doing that again.

Don`t lose faith guys, life is hard for everybody, but we can do it. There are great resources and services out there.

 

Day 50

@higor pereira araujo thanks they say 15-30m a day is ideal but something is always good . I prioritize the mindfulness more now and do it before exercise . Glad you got good morning routine stuffs

ah back to work after a four day weekend. I’m gonna take off next week. That’ll be ten days off in a row. That’s like a whole vacation. Yea that’s alright with me. Pfff hopefully it all works out. I like to think it’ll all workout

I might not keep abjournal on here. Just keep it to this thread. Minimalist is good. Ishortened my prayer scripture and katas routine to make room for more meditation. I think doing more meditation is most important to do a good job with every day

blah it’s great taking time off. I’m learning to just do what I want even though people keep telling or encouraging me to do something else. It used to be dealing with my mom now it’s my SO. Heh, guess that’s how it goes. It takes too much talking to either of them before they accept that I’ve changed my mind on a decision or I’m not doing what they implied I should do. So I just sit quietly and move my body to do the thing that I want to do. Even if it’s right in front of them

usually it’s nothing bad tho. Sighs. It gets bothersome. The only solution is don’t ever tell my so what I’m going to do. Lol. Otherwise if I say I’ll do one thing then change my mind she’ll say I thought you were doing something else? Then I have to explain again that I change my mind sometimes . Yea I guess I’ll tell her that I changed my mind. That’s fine. I guess it’s just a pride thing where I want my decisions to be made and followed through on the first time I say it. That way I feel like I’m coming off as more confident

meh so stick with plan 1 : don’t say a decision till It’s already done. And plan 2: if a change of plans happens and you’re questioned just say “I changed my mind.” Heheheh

 

Meditating for 10 minutes a day is awesome! I do something spiritual for 20 minutes a day but usually means watching inspiring videos or reading my holy book, I try to meditate but usually only get to 5 minutes before my mind wanders off. I think its a developed skill I need to work on!

I can't believe I made it this far. I'm going to keep on going. Can't relax or the snake might strike back. Gotta keep my guard up and keep going We got this everyone!

 

If you're interested that book is >here<

 

Checking in

 

Thanks

 

Checking in - I`ll keep trying hard to make my life better. It sucks big time, and it`s my fault.

 

@higor pereira araujo keep up the good effort @jakeFromStateFarm117 good job @Thadeus Tuffington thank you

“self harm is easy self healing, self love takes effort”.-Buddha

Day 51

I have no idea what to say sometimes. I feel blank. I have a urge to stare at the ceiling with my mouth slack. Like a chicken staring up at the rain. Chickens can drown like that sometimes .

So I guess that means I’ve got to be mindful when it rains. Stop staring at the sky like a chicken, with its mouth open. Keep building the well thatched hut of my mind to keep the rain out. With my mouth closed and my mind focused I endured more of life’s hardships. So I can bring love peace and joy to everyone

 

Checkin'. I have learnt something today about our material lives and how we pursue. Sometimes it's important to contemplate our lives to simplicity. I think i relate this to myself when i ride through the winds or the sunset i watch from the bridge when i return from college. I honestly feel like this might help ourselves to not depend on constant stimuli instead be with the nature that rolls around us.

 

Checking in!

Had a trigger yesterday, stronger than I had in a while. Luckily my discipline has improved and I didn't give in. But the desire is still there. I need to fight it.

 

Checking in!

second day ,not so bad this early but i do feel the need to check web sites

 

Checking in

 

I'm 22 year old guy.
I have wasted a lot of my time and consumed my mind in PMO. It always effects my productivity.it hurts me. When I PMO it sucks me because I break my self promise. It hurts my self esteem and self integrity.
I made many streaks of maximum one month. But for previous few month I was unable to resist this bullshit.
I'm going to do it again with my full fucking attention⚠️
Target:
90 day celebrity
improve spiritually
improve productivity (remain focused on my tasks)
gaining lean muscle mass
I hope that this accountable-community will be helpfull for me. I will try to visit the forum daily and will share my routine

 

@NeverGiveUP... welcome like ur name

Day 52

feeling woozy. Oh yeah I read a bad book. Well well well a good book that causes me too much stress to read so I’m done with it. I’m done with YouTube as well. It’s,okay. Time to train what I know and when I want to lean. Go learn from a professional

I’m sleepy

 

Checking in,

Didn't survive NNN but I know that's not the goal. I will kick this. I'll be checking in more often going forward.