Accountability for All

Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by corylife, Dec 22, 2019.

  1. JoeBimbo

    JoeBimbo Fapstronaut

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    Day 178

    Had a sort of sex dream where I had sex with a fish lady. Very weird.

    Spent a great time with my girl yesterday and we took a nice long walk in nature yesterday. We capped it off by drinking tea in a cafe in the middle of the forest. We were intimate and had sex with our clothes on. No O.

    Work-out: day 71
    Did my 20 shower push ups and my toilet push ups. Going strong!

    Walk: day 78
    Took a long walk with my girl and I brought lunch. We also did an evening stroll before I brought my girl back home.

    Screentime: day 78
    Watched 15 minutes of Netflix, 0:57 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 6 minutes on the Internet.

    Communication: day 75
    I was reading all kinds of business books and my gf sees that it only puts me under pressure to perform. When I feel that pressure, I don't have much energy left for other things. We took those books away and replaced them by Your Brain On Porn, Out of the Doghouse and Worthy of Her Trust. She advised me to also read Nonviolent Communication, as she thinks it is of vital benefit for me.

    Meditation: day 168
    Two sessions of meditation. 30 mins of meditation.

    PMO Study: day 178
    Read in Worthy of Her Trust. In order for a wife to be able to trust her partner again, the man needs to work with active truth telling. This is where he initiates transparency in his finances, or in his browser history, or in whatever. And this will take question marks away with his wife.

    Sleep: day 30
    Slept okay. Had a lot of dreams.

    Healthy eating: day 32
    Didn't have a sugar day yesterday, but I switched it with today. Had cookies and chocolate. Had a humongous sugar surge in my body. Became restless

    Cold showers: day 78
    Every day is another step
     
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  2. JoeBimbo

    JoeBimbo Fapstronaut

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    Day 179

    Spent a beautiful sunday with my girl. We went to the Ikea to see whether there were interesting things for our houses we wanted to buy. This would usually be a test for me, as I'd get anxiety as soon as I'd walk into Ikea. This time I didn't get anxiety, because I could close myself off for other influences and just be there with my girl.

    Work-out: day 72
    Once again could do my 20 shower push ups and my toilet push ups. Yeah!

    Walk: day 79
    Planned to go for a walk with my girl, but instead we started cruising the surroundings. Did a nice long evening stroll

    Screentime: day 79
    Watched 45 minutes of Netflix, 1:52 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 12 minutes on the Internet.

    Communication: day 76
    My girl appreciates me thinking things through. I don't do that. Sometimes that leads her to be a bit frustrated with me, because sometimes she just said it a few moments ago. Only I didn't think my thing and the thing we spoke of were connected. Back to the drawing board for me

    Meditation: day 169
    Three sessions of meditation. 40 mins of meditation.

    PMO Study: day 179
    Read in Worthy of Her Trust. There are many myths we (the addicts) and our partners believe. When we start our reboot, it is vital to be absolutely calm and patient with our partners. They have every right to be angry. The only thing we can do, sometimes begrudgingly so, is to endure it and to give it a place in yourself. Not that we start to pity ourselves or think of ourselves as a miserable sinner, but that this is the cost of our actions that is now repaid (with interest). We need to swallow it and move on.

    Sleep: day 31
    Slept well.

    Healthy eating: day 33
    Didn't have a sugar day again yesterday, but switched it again with today. My girl bought us some ice creams because she forgot I didn't eat sugar.

    Cold showers: day 79
    Every day is a chance to be awesome. It's only cold water.
     
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  3. Farrow

    Farrow Fapstronaut

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    Oct 2: Day 95

    Going to attempt expression.

    The first truth, I can understand.
    That I must, identify suffering, wherever and whenever
    they come to me I must say hello,
    invite them in for tea. I think I know
    the beginning of the conversation. But I am
    unsure about how to find its end, though I know
    the conversation happened a long time ago.

    I am simply, revisiting, or remembering.
     
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  4. JoeBimbo

    JoeBimbo Fapstronaut

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    Day 180

    Picked up my routine again. Or tried to anyway. This time without the coursera course. I must say that I was very agitated in the morning, but I feel more relaxed. I noticed that I'm agitated with something my girl said last week and it unconsciously did something with me. I became a whiny old man, because I was convinced my girl was putting me down. And because she was putting me down, I felt justified to put her down and defend my choices. It was a very weird game. Hope to be more aware of it next time.

    Work-out: day 73
    Did my workout, my 20 shower push ups and my toilet push ups! Works wonders.

    Walk: day 80
    Took my lunch walk and an extended evening stroll.

    Screentime: day 80
    Watched 60 minutes of Netflix, 2:06 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 12 minutes on the Internet.

    Communication: day 77
    I think my poor communication and defensive posture came from feeling put down by something my girl said. Last week she was concerned that I couldn't get an erection during sex and it felt that she magnified this example as something that really shouldn't happen anymore. I've never chosen for it to happen, but it was perhaps a combination of stress and spending my time on coursera.

    Meditation: day 170
    Three sessions of meditation. 35 mins of meditation.

    PMO Study: day 180
    Read in Nonviolent Communication. Have read the book a while ago, but it is good to reread it. Whenever I read it, I really want to practice it and master this way of communication. This puts again pressure on me and the way I communicate, but also on the way my girl communicates. It usually ends up with me getting frustrated by my girl who 'isn't following the book'. And ofcourse she isn't as she usually doesn't know when I try to practice this. More to be practiced.

    Sleep: day 32
    Slept well. One long sleep. Didn't wake up at night.

    Healthy eating: day 34
    No sugar yesterday. Worked well. I was cranky, but that means working it through. Start my day with a spinach smoothie every day.

    Cold showers: day 80
    Another day, another step.
     
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  5. JoeBimbo

    JoeBimbo Fapstronaut

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    Day 181

    Have never thought to have passed the half year mark, but it happened. Still a long way to go towards recovery, but half a year shows that there is a basic discipline. Enough discipline to deal with most of my feelings and not run towards PMO.

    Met my girl yesterday and opened up the browser history of my laptop to give her full transparency of what I do online. She did not expect it and found it great that I could give her this openness and trust.

    Work-out: day 74
    My workout worked and my shower + toilet push ups as well. Went to the physiotherapist yesterday and he gave me exercises for my back that will (most probably) solve the issues in my hip and leg

    Walk: day 81
    Took a lunch walk, my evening stroll with my girl and took a long-ish walk before dinner.

    Screentime: day 81
    Watched 60 minutes of Netflix, 1:05 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 8 minutes on the Internet.

    Communication: day 78
    I called my girl yesterday morning after coming back from the physiotherapist. I said that I booked another appointment on the 17th of October, our anniversary. We spoke about celebrating it, but I didn't figure out how I wanted to surprise her. This led me to think that it was okay to plan appointments, but my girl said it really worked the other way around. It is important to see these kinds of behaviors.

    Meditation: day 171
    Three sessions of meditation. 45 mins of meditation.

    PMO Study: day 181
    Read in Worthy of her Trust about Passive and Active Truth telling. Passive truth telling in a relationship is answering questions when they are asked, letting your girl install blocking software on your devices etc. Active truth telling is pro actively doing it and taking your girl along: 'Honey, I've installed a website blocker and I would like your help to fill it with the websites that distract me. Would you be willing to help me?' In my example, I decided to actively take her along in the browser history of my laptop that she doesn't always see. I put the laptop on the table, explained what I tried to do and gave her the access code to my computer to give her full access to my laptop. I sat next to her to answer all the questions. She really appreciated this and I think it's a good step for building trust.

    Sleep: day 33
    Slept well, but woke up a few times.

    Healthy eating: day 35
    No sugar yesterday. Worked great. Easier than I thought.

    Cold showers: day 81
    We keep on going.
     
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  6. JoeBimbo

    JoeBimbo Fapstronaut

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    Day 182

    Decided to bring my focus more on the development of my personal skills. Was first busy cranking out practice cases, but I think I have the hang of it after half a year. It is important that I set the next step in my communication so that I can bridge the gap that I have built up over the years. It was never my strong suit (neither my father's) to communicate about one's feelings. Not in a business setting, but also especially not in a private setting. However, it is both of vital importance.

    Took my girl out for dinner. She didn't expect it, but she found out when I sent her my daily browser history overview. She liked it very much.

    Work-out: day 75
    Did my workout, my shower push ups and my toilet push ups. Works really well! Happy to be getting some push ups in.

    Walk: day 82
    Got my lunch walk and my evening stroll in.

    Screentime: day 82
    Watched 25 minutes of Netflix, 1:11 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 12 minutes on the Internet.

    Communication: day 79
    It works really well to be at the forefront of truth building and to also plan nice dates for each other. I see myself as the one who has to win her back, so I feel I have to show initiative to take her out and surprise her.

    Meditation: day 172
    Two sessions of meditation. 20 mins of meditation.

    PMO Study: day 182
    Read in Worthy of her Trust about being intimate. We usually mean having sex when we speak of being intimate, but the writer speaks about so much more. He speaks about intimacy as 'into-me-see' and says that true intimacy is not just sex, but sharing your hopes, dreams, thoughts, insecurities and the like that build a bond together. That bond leads to a feeling of mutual safety and may lead to sex. I've recently learned to see sex as the cream on the intimacy cake. It's not to be expected and in order to really be intimate you both need to be mentally present.

    Sleep: day 34
    Slept well, but woke up a few times.

    Healthy eating: day 36
    No sugar at first, but then I got hangry when picking up my girl. She brought cookies, so we ate these in the car.

    Cold showers: day 82
    I now practice to turn on the shower, do my push ups and jump in right away.
     
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  7. ThisSideThatSide

    ThisSideThatSide Fapstronaut

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  8. JoeBimbo

    JoeBimbo Fapstronaut

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    Day 183

    Yesterday was the first day that I decided to let go of my practice cases. My girl and I talked through what I would do instead and my girl had some nice ideas. I furthermore read a lot and did my homework in anticipation of my coaching coming Monday.

    Work-out: day 76
    My Workout, shower push ups and toilet push ups are all done! I want to buy a bench so I can bench press a bag of cat litter at home, but those benches are expensive.

    Walk: day 83
    Trying to get 6K steps in and I already succeeded for 4 days. Took a longer lunch walk and an extensive evening stroll.

    Screentime: day 83
    Watched 30 minutes of Netflix, 3:34 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl, but she sent me pictures for my homework which I studied) and 34 minutes on the Internet (made two recipes and had to look for them online).

    Communication: day 80
    Yesterday I asked her for advice on certain matters I had difficulty with and my girl appreciated that. She felt taken seriously. She feels like we are more and more becoming a team that goes through life together.

    Meditation: day 173
    Three sessions of meditation. 40 mins of meditation.

    PMO Study: day 183
    Read in Worthy of her Trust about being intimate. The writer identified many kinds of intimacy where sex is only one of them. Physical touch, sweet words, physical proximity, doing nice things together are other forms of intimacy. When a partner has been betrayed, none of those forms of intimacy is there and it needs to be built from the ground up. Also read about the importance of steady accountability groups where you help each other further for long periods of time.

    Sleep: day 35
    Slept well, but woke up one time.

    Healthy eating: day 37
    No sugar! Had a low FODMAP dinner, but I was still very hungry. Went to.the grocery store and made myself a burger.

    Cold showers: day 83
    I do whatever I need to do to get under that shower immediately. And to.stay there.
     
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  9. JoeBimbo

    JoeBimbo Fapstronaut

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    Day 184

    Spent a big part of the day with my family. Took my girl to see my parents and we had a great time. Also had the opportunity to walk in the woods before dinner. This was good, as we have been sitting for big part of the day.

    Work-out: day 77
    Didn't have the time to do my workout, but I had done my shower and toilet push ups.

    Walk: day 84
    Trying to get 6K steps in. Also succeeded yesterday and had 5 consecutive days where I walked 6K steps. Didn't do my lunch walk, but did do my evening stroll and of course the walk in the woods.

    Screentime: day 84
    Watched 45 minutes of Netflix, 0:39 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 7 minutes on the Internet.

    Communication: day 81
    Had to think of the book Worthy of Her Trust and practiced to be as specific as possible when communicating with my girl about something. I reminded myself to answer the following questions in speaking to my girl: Who did it, what was done, how was it done, why was it done, where was it done. This really helped and my girl appreciated the transparency and candour.

    Meditation: day 174
    Two sessions of meditation. 21 mins of meditation.

    PMO Study: day 184
    Read in Worthy of her Trust about being specific and had already mentioned it in Communication. I want to be as specific and as transparent as I can. I know I can be specific when I answer as many questions on the forehand as I can. If I don't know anymore, I say what I think, but that I actually don't know anymore, so.it could be inaccurate.

    Sleep: day 36
    Slept like a King, but had a really weird dream.

    Healthy eating: day 38
    Yesterday was a sugar day and I loved it. Had some nice treats and a sugary sweet dessert after dinner. Was hangry a few times yesterday. Need to take better care of myself

    Cold showers: day 84
    Cut down the time it takes to get under the shower.
     
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  10. JoeBimbo

    JoeBimbo Fapstronaut

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    Day 185

    Met with my girl at 12 today, so we were able to spend some time together. We had a nice and quiet day. Lots of sweet kisses and intimacy.

    Work-out: day 78
    Did my workout, my shower push ups and my toilet push ups. Did my workout later than planned.

    Walk: day 85
    Trying to get 6K steps in, but did not succeed. Almost. No lunch walk. But my girl and I did an evening stroll.

    Screentime: day 85
    Watched 55 minutes of Netflix, 0:38 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 6 minutes on the Internet.

    Communication: day 82
    I notice it's easy for me to become hangry. I need to take this into account and give some warning signals before I start to flame because of stupid things that happen. By the way, clear communication is not easy when hangry. Might need to eat better meals which fill me better.

    Meditation: day 175
    Two sessions of meditation. 32 mins of meditation.

    PMO Study: day 185
    An addiction of 20+ years will not be gone in a short while. I'm a bit more than half a year under way, but still think it needs lots of time. It takes discipline in many different ways to be able to stick with your plan. It is even more difficult when you consider that the brain of addicts is programmed to give into the addiction. You need to actively overwrite your cravings with what you want to become instead.

    Sleep: day 37
    Slept like a King.

    Healthy eating: day 39
    Had a sugar day yesterday and switched it with today, as I became irritable due to low blood sugar.

    Cold showers: day 85
    Everything under control.
     
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  11. JoeBimbo

    JoeBimbo Fapstronaut

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    Day 186

    Had a good sunday. Easy day. Filled with cleaning and a meeting in the afternoon. My girl took a trip with her younger brother and spent part of the day sending me messages.

    Work-out: day 79
    Did my shower push ups and my toilet push ups. Still works really well.

    Walk: day 86
    Trying to get 6K steps in, but did move that much yesterday. Didn't succeed. Only did an elaborate evening walk. Had 3K steps in nevertheless!

    Screentime: day 86
    Watched 60 minutes of Netflix, 1:36 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 8 minutes on the Internet.

    Communication: day 83
    My girl confronted me when I sent her a gif, because I'm perpetuating search behavior that, in the past, led me to PMO. Now it of course doesn't anymore, but I saw that this same behavior of searching was happening. I stopped it immediately and decided not using gifs in Whatsapp anymore.

    Meditation: day 176
    Three sessions of meditation and I almost fell asleep in the evening meditation. 42 mins of meditation.

    PMO Study: day 186
    Read in Worthy of her Trust. The writer acknowledges the detrimental effects of social media and feeding a lust addiction. It was proven in a 2010 study of Divorce Lawyers that at least 81% of the divorce cases used evidence found on social networking sites.

    Sleep: day 38
    Slept great. Went to bed really nicely on time

    Healthy eating: day 40
    No sugar day yesterday and was able to stick to that. Had a good, low FODMAP meal.

    Cold showers: day 86
    I'm wide awake when I jump under the cold shower. Much better than any cup of coffee.
     
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  12. JoeBimbo

    JoeBimbo Fapstronaut

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    Day 187

    Had a coaching day yesterday. Was enthusiastic after meeting my coach and I wanted to share that with my girl. However, she was annoyed and concerned that I would go with anything that is exciting. Instead, she asked me to take it with a grain of salt and take from it what I can regarding this journey that I'm on. Of course I couldn't really take it in, but I quieted down and we could have a conversation about it.

    Work-out: day 80
    Did my workout, shower push ups and toilet push ups, but decided to add 1 rep. So instead of 10 push ups before my shower, I will do 11 reps. And instead of 1 push up before going to the toilet, I will do 2 push ups.

    Walk: day 87
    Had a long lunch walk and quite the extensive evening stroll. Had my 6K steps in again and that works really well to keep on moving.

    Screentime: day 87
    Watched 30 minutes of Netflix, 1:49 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 8 minutes on the Internet.

    Communication: day 84
    My girl confronted me with pleasing behavior towards my coach. I was too open and she was right. She instead asked me to take.it with a grain of salt and see what I could use from it. The businesscoach can give me some new ideas, but she can't save me. Only I can save myself. Realizing this and realizing that too much focus on this will not benefit me (with my ADHD brain, a little already becomes too much), I need to navigate myself more clear from the things that steer me away from my focus on the PMO process.

    Meditation: day 177
    Two sessions of meditation. 31 mins of meditation.

    PMO Study: day 187
    Read in Worthy of her Trust. The writer speaks about many ways to rebuild trust with your lady, but I felt it needed acting upon. I wrote down many things I could practice on a day to day basis. I have made it small enough so that I can practice it regularly. From there it may grow.

    Sleep: day 39
    Slept well, but woke up a few times. Was wide awake at 5:10 AM, so was still snoozing until 6 AM and woke up.

    Healthy eating: day 41
    Had a sugar day yesterday and boy did I regret it. I was looking forward to eating a delicious white chocolate raspberry cookie, but I got a lot of stomach pain from it. Not to mention, I also had enough wind to blow a medium sized sailboat to the other side of the Atlantic Ocean. Holy Christmas.

    Cold showers: day 87
    Whenever I step under the shower, I have made it a practice for myself to turn the shower colder 3 times. Whenever I get used to the cold water, I turn it colder.
     
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  13. JoeBimbo

    JoeBimbo Fapstronaut

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    Day 188

    Had an unexpectedly full day. Helped my sweet girlfriend with some precarious business emails. We spent about 3 hours typing a mail that had to leave asap. We pushed through but we made it. Picked her up later, ate together and were intimate.

    Work-out: day 81
    Doing my workout and my new and improved shower and toilet push ups. Works like a charm.

    Walk: day 88
    Unfortunately moved a bit less yesterday. Spent a long time preparing dinner with my girl, so we didn't have time to go for an extensive walk.

    Screentime: day 88
    Watched 50 minutes of Netflix, 3:33 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl about the email) and 6 minutes on the Internet.

    Communication: day 85
    I made myself available to my girl yesterday. When she said that she needed me to help her with her email, I helped typing it out as long as it was necessary. It was very important to approach the situation carefully, but to be complete I'm the communication.

    Meditation: day 178
    Two sessions of meditation. 21 mins of meditation.

    PMO Study: day 188
    Read in Worthy of her Trust. It speaks about moments of self-preservation at the expense of your lady. When you lash out or push back to your lady when she gives you a hard time, this is self-preservation. Doing PMO when you are in a relationship is self-preservation. An important part of healing for both parties is paying restitution. And your restitution is to give up your self-preservation, as you made the choice to betray her at an earlier stage. Real and constant restitution will help the lady think that you are serious with her and gives her a sense of protection again.

    Sleep: day 40
    Didn't sleep so well. A bit short

    Healthy eating: day 42
    No sugar day. I don't mind anymore. The cookie from 2 days ago left a lasting impression.

    Cold showers: day 88
    I continue to practice turning the dial colder. Again, 3 moments in my shower where I turn the dial colder.
     
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  14. Farrow

    Farrow Fapstronaut

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    Oct 11: Day 104

    I've got a big window and woke up with some time this morning. The last few weeks have been some kind of a blur. Major major application finally got turned in two nights ago, so feel good about that but admittedly it hasn't provided much relief. But I also turned in the other application last night so -- seems more and more that my job is actually just writing applications haha. It's not too bad, and I'm good at it. Hoping that something comes out of it all. I feel like I wrote quite solid and ultimately I put everything I possibly could have into it. I'm confident that there is nothing more I could have done at this point. I think I'm still attached and in writing this hope to move onto the next thing. Some days it just feels like I need a moment to breathe, and that can be hard to find. A moment to truly rest, you know? Learning how to actually rest is quite hard. I have trouble going to sleep usually. But once I'm there I have a hard time leaving. Either way it's hard, entering or leaving haha. Sleep is precious, genuine rest sometimes feels so rare, so difficult to find. -- How to rest the mind, rest the consciousness? How to live restfully, without stress but still working, but enjoying the work.

    I think I am enjoying my work much more now. I am accomplishing a lot I feel. But also other things have slipped especially with some major deadlines having just passed. I was so focused on these that it felt impossible to keep up a gym routine. Also my diet has somewhat fallen apart. Nothing too crazy, I haven' been going out and getting pizzas or anything, but the past week or two I just had a lot of free meals, attended a conference, was invited to multiple dinners etc. This Wass great because free food but also threw off my eating routine. Trying to reestablish that now. I'd like to just do a fast for today I think, and give myself some time to reset. I think my body needs it too. Today will likely be a homey day. I will see what I can do about going to the gym today, but higher priority is getting this house cleaned. I'm happy to do some bodyweight exercises. My pull-ups are actually improving quite a lot. Also down 25 pounds. I just worry about losing weight without hitting the weights consistently enough. I will pull things together, just give myself some time to breathe, accomplish tasks one at a time. When other things have gone neglected you have to approach their solution with a sane, calm mind which begins with one task at a time. So that is the plan. Do my reading for today, some writing likely as well, have class, and then clean and see what happens from there. Going to go on a walk now..

    Another poem:

    I read about missiles in the Middle East and immediately
    thought of the opinion formulating in the West in the
    academy the thinking, the wikipedia
    hits.

    I see the narrative and I don't trust it but it is easy to forget
    compassion -- though I had a friend tell me that I am very
    compassionate. Strange, how I can hear things like this
    after acting them out, feeling myself, and also hear that I am a
    psychopath with no compassion, and sit, nodding in agreement --
    where is empathy? And whose mind am I in? Maybe there really are moments of
    revolutionary change in the mind of mind
    swap with someone higher. Or perhaps its just moments of brief
    contact which spell themselves out as truth-telling as honest
    feeling. Brief contact, sudden encounter, blood rich veins in the eyes seeing
    for the first time what is coming out of the mouth. Is this
    spirituality? Is this knowledge?

    This morning I sat with my hands around a warm mug and my window
    reached into my soul with calming presence. Reminded me that
    breathing is miraculous. Was it the window or was it the tree which
    lives in my window? That told me the old story of the fire maker.
    Someone somewhere knows the story better than I do, all I have are
    a few words and a calmed heart.
     
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  15. JoeBimbo

    JoeBimbo Fapstronaut

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    Day 189

    Yesterday was a day where there, unfortunately, were more precarious business emails needed for my girlfriend. We spoke it through and I told her that anybody else would've just quit. However, she just keeps on rolling. In the past, I would retreat and do PMO if things.got tough. I'm from my girl how to be when the sht hits the fan.

    Work-out: day 82
    Did my workout, the shower push ups and the toilet push ups.

    Walk: day 89
    Took my lunch walk and walked to the bakery. Also did an evening stroll in the evening and hit 6K steps again.

    Screentime: day 89
    Watched 45 minutes of Netflix, 3:50 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl about the email) and 28 minutes on the Internet (looking for new books to read).

    Communication: day 86
    My girl let me know that there was an instance where I didn't communicate clearly. She asked me to fill in the blanks that she had in her mind, and it was good practice. We looked for new books about building self esteem and rebuilding trust after sexual betrayal. She had a list on NoFap and she checked it. It also rehashed some difficult communication that we had in the past. I felt angry and indignant, but I let it pass. I considered that I'm now somewhere else. My girl appreciated that.

    Meditation: day 179
    Two sessions of meditation. 34 mins of meditation.

    PMO Study: day 189
    Read in Worthy of her Trust. I'm almost reaching the end of the book. The writer is closing off his book by explaining his Amends Matrix. If you make amends in a conscious and transparent manner, it really helps both parties heal from sexual betrayal. Not at the point yet that I see how to.structure the amends, but I think it will become clear to me soon enough.

    Sleep: day 42
    Slept well. Woke up at 2 AM to take a pee.

    Healthy eating: day 43
    I had an unofficial sugar day yesterday. Meaning that it has been a sugar day in the past, but not anymore. I gave myself space to eat something sweet if I needed it, but I didn't need it.

    Cold showers: day 89
    My practice goes really well. I can go colder and colder
     
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  16. JoeBimbo

    JoeBimbo Fapstronaut

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    Good to hear from you again, man.
     
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  17. JoeBimbo

    JoeBimbo Fapstronaut

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    Day 190

    Yesterday was full of learning. I helped my girl with yet another business email, cause when it rains it pours! My girl and I met up yesterday evening and we spoke about many things. She helped me restructure my morning routine so I can get to work at 9. I always did so much stuff in the morning that delayed that.

    Work-out: day 83
    Did my workout, the shower push ups and the toilet push ups.

    Walk: day 90
    Took my lunch walk and evening walk. No 6K steps this time.

    Screentime: day 90
    Watched 30 minutes of Netflix, 2:15 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl about the email) and 16 minutes on the Internet.

    Communication: day 87
    I was looking at AirBnB and Booking for nice places to go for our anniversary. It switched from Booking to Google Maps. When I was in Google Maps, I also took the liberty to research for Nonviolent Communication Course. It was not the idea to use Google Maps as search engine as it perpetuates PMO searching behavior. My GF told me and I (reluctantly) agreed.

    Meditation: day 180
    Two sessions of meditation. 21 mins of meditation.

    PMO Study: day 190
    Bought a new book: No more Mr. Nice Guy. Teaches guys to stand up for themselves. My girl recommended it, because I need this for people regarding my job. However this book is about being a nice guy in a relationship. I don't like how the book is written. It's very weird and written for the Nice Guy as victim. I will return it.

    Sleep: day 42
    Slept well.

    Healthy eating: day 44
    Good healthy eating. Not a lot. Had French fries with my girl in the evening. We felt like eating out.

    Cold showers: day 90
    My practice goes really well, but I shouldn't exaggerate.
     
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  18. JoeBimbo

    JoeBimbo Fapstronaut

    1,091
    2,816
    143
    Day 191

    Yesterday was a day of learning again. My girl pointed something out and I couldn't take it in. I broke off our phone call with the message that I couldn't take it in and needed some time. Took some time to write things down and to relax so I could let in what she said. I called her back some time later and she appreciated that.

    Also had a sex dream last night. Not really sex, but it looked like it. Couldn't see the face of the person or their genitals, but I felt getting closer to O. However I didn't O.

    Work-out: day 84
    Workout, shower push ups and toilet push ups work great. I become stronger.

    Walk: day 91
    Took two long walks. Hit my 6K steps again.

    Screentime: day 91
    Watched 60 minutes of Netflix, 1:56 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl about yet another email) and 23 minutes on the Internet.

    Communication: day 88
    My girl spoke about my coaching in which she said that I was too open to the coach, because I was doing homework for a while. My girl was convinced that I needed to slow down and learn how to deal with people first. That short circuited in my head and I eventually broke off the communication. I wrote down for myself why I felt what I felt and called her back to speak with her about that. She appreciated it.

    Meditation: day 181
    Two sessions of meditation. 27 mins of meditation.

    PMO Study: day 191
    Am going to return No More Mr. Nice Guy. Instead, received Help.Her.Heal which is a workbook with practices that sex addicts can do to get out of their shame and help heal the pain of their partners. I skimmed it through and it looks alright! Excited to use it.

    Sleep: day 44
    Slept well. Full night of sleep

    Healthy eating: day 45
    Had a sugar day yesterday, but I see that my stomach is getting more sensitive. After having eaten a white chocolate raspberry cookie, my stomach started to burn. Never experienced it in the past. Have a hard time keeping it down. Don't enjoy eating anymore.

    Cold showers: day 91
    Practice goes well.
     
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  19. JoeBimbo

    JoeBimbo Fapstronaut

    1,091
    2,816
    143
    Day 192

    My girl and I spoke yesterday. It was loving.l and she was having a trip with her brother. I was cooking and baking a lot in anticipation of meeting my girl today.

    Work-out: day 85
    Shower push ups and toilet push ups are great.

    Walk: day 92
    One walk. No 6K steps yesterday. Perhaps I'll get then in today. No stress, but it would be nice to get them in every day.

    Screentime: day 92
    Watched 60 minutes of Netflix, 2:34 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 49 minutes on the Internet (preparing two recipes).

    Communication: day 89
    We had loving communication. We were chatting a lot and although I couldn't join her brother and her on a trip, she sent me pictures and a lot of messages.

    Meditation: day 182
    Three sessions of meditation. 35 mins of meditation.

    PMO Study: day 192
    Read through Help.Her.Heal. It's a workbook that assumes you need to go through all the steps, and I saw exercises that I recognize from Worthy of her Trust.

    Sleep: day 45
    Slept well. Short night. Was wide awake early on

    Healthy eating: day 46
    I had some healthy smoothies yesterday and prepared a healthy snack that did not have sugar in it.

    Cold showers: day 92
    Practice goes still well
     
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  20. JoeBimbo

    JoeBimbo Fapstronaut

    1,091
    2,816
    143
    Day 193

    My girl and I met yesterday. I picked her up in the early afternoon and we spent most of the day together. We had a chill day where we enjoyed each other's company . We had sex (and we didn't O)

    Work-out: day 86
    All push ups worked great. Feel stronger.

    Walk: day 93
    One walk. No 6K steps yesterday. Today is another chance.

    Screentime: day 93
    Watched 60 minutes of Netflix, 1:14 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 3 minutes on the Internet.

    Communication: day 90
    It was a lovely day yesterday. My girl asked me to take her along in how my routine is going. She helped to restructure my morning routine and she also wanted to see if it works. Also spoke about going on a short trip. We first had clear where we wanted to go, but the destination suddenly started to be on the table again which caused some light annoyance in me. My girl said that the real reason that it was happening was because of her health and that she wanted a great trip with many things to see. She feared that the original destination wasn't big enough and that we wouldn't have enough things to do for 4 days.

    Meditation: day 183
    Three sessions of meditation. 35 mins of meditation.

    PMO Study: day 193
    Read in Worthy of her Trust together with my girl. She felt like the book was reading her mind. It was genuinely how she thought and felt.

    Sleep: day 46
    Didn't sleep well. Still feel tired. Went to bed early, but that wasn't enough.

    Healthy eating: day 47
    I had a sugar day yesterday. I ate some chocolate, the smoothies and the sweet snack I prepared. I also had a certain kind of cheese snack from the supermarket that really upset my intestines.

    Cold showers: day 93
    Keep on turning it colder.
     
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