Accountability for All

Day 417

Yesterday was a quiet day. I spent some time reading in my NVC book and I cleaned the house. My girl went on a daytrip with her brother and they had a great time.

Workout: day 310
No push ups and toilet routine, as it was rest day. Did my first real chest workout with a single dumbbell. Still finding out how to do that.

Walking: day 317
Did a walk in a nearby forest for approximately 30 minutes and did a 26+ min walk in the evening. No bike ride.

Screentime: day 317
2:58 hours on Whatsapp (apping/calling with my girlfriend) and 0:16 hours on the Internet (translating Turkish, responding on NF)

Lying: day 30
Even though your partner is on a trip, you can still let your partner know that you think of her. Send her a few messages and call her when you have the time.

Meditation: day 407
3 sessions. 62 minutes. Will try to maintain this.

PMO study: day 417
Read in NVC, a language of life about the importance of making a heartfelt connection. I know that I want to practice NVC, but it can be so easy to jump in the technicalities without having this upfront first: You need to want to give from the heart and to connect to the person you are speaking to. Everybody's life is different and we need to be able to connect to it with our heart.

Sleep: day 273
Slept well and went to bed at 10:27 PM.

Healthy eating: day 273
No sugar day and I had a reasonably well balanced diet yesterday. Low-carb sandwich for breakfast, scrambled egg with rye crackers and a can of tuna for lunch, risotto for dinner.

Cold showers: day 317
2 cold showers were had
 
JoeBimbo said:
Let's again do a weekly rollcall! Makes for some great conversation:
@TheBluePrint
@Sam78
@corylife
@NF SINCE BIRTH

How are you doing lately? Anything you want to share with us about your process? What are you struggling with and what are you succeeding with?
Click to expand...

Thanks for the invitation to check in,

I've been struggling with the urges a lot lately and teetered on the edge of relapse which is M for me or binging P and have slipped here and there in terms of viewing racy images and touching... am going to try to get some extra sleep today and really focus on my following my routine this week including working out in the evening. Am going to try to socialize/network this week. Went to a meetup this past Saturday and it was really nice.

Hope everyone else is doing well. How was your week? Anything interesting, disappointing, encouraging happened?

@JoeBimbo glad that you had quite day, these can be nice, and that you continue to make progress

JoeBimbo said:
Healthy eating: day 273
No sugar day and I had a reasonably well balanced diet yesterday. Low-carb sandwich for breakfast, scrambled egg with rye crackers and a can of tuna for lunch, risotto for dinner.
Click to expand...

Risotto really hits the spot doesn't it? :)

JoeBimbo said:
Cold showers: day 317
2 cold showers were had
Click to expand...
Do you often take more than one cold shower? Is everything going okay? Just checking.
I am thinking to start doing this as well. Does it help with the urges?
 
JoeBimbo said:
Let's again do a weekly rollcall! Makes for some great conversation:
@TheBluePrint
@Sam78
@corylife
@NF SINCE BIRTH

How are you doing lately? Anything you want to share with us about your process? What are you struggling with and what are you succeeding with?
Click to expand...
End of day 1 for me. I hit rock bottom again a week or so ago. Yesterday I made the very difficult act of throwing everything related to my addiction in the trash including some sex toys. I am also considering downgrading my phone to an old nokia or something but I found out the other day that opting out from the internet is pretty damn impossible when I need an app to pay my bus ticket.
 
NF SINCE BIRTH said:
End of day 1 for me. I hit rock bottom again a week or so ago. Yesterday I made the very difficult act of throwing everything related to my addiction in the trash including some sex toys. I am also considering downgrading my phone to an old nokia or something but I found out the other day that opting out from the internet is pretty damn impossible when I need an app to pay my bus ticket.
Click to expand...

I know what you mean re opting out from the internet. They got us locked in pretty severely. Good on your for getting rid of everything else

@higor pereira araujo maybe hypnotherapy?
 
Day 418

Went to the psychiatrist and had my talk. No exciting things as usual, however today I will start Emotional Regulation therapy at the psychiatrist. Let's see how this goes. I furthermore met my girl in the city for lunch. Her office is quite close to the office of my psychiatrist.

Workout: day 311
Push ups and toilet routines were done. Did a shoulder workout.

Walking: day 318
Did an elaborate lunch walk and walked with my girl in the city. No evening walk was done. Did my 9+ min. bike ride.

Screentime: day 318
2:26 hours on Whatsapp (apping/calling with my girlfriend) and 0:24 hours on the Internet (translating Turkish, responding on NF, looking on an auction website for cheap hotel rooms)

Lying: day 31
Every moment is a moment to conquer yourself. You might feel all kinds of feelings, but when you persevere, you will come out much stronger. Your partner typically knows this, but has difficulty getting through to you. Open yourself to your partner and learn what you can learn.

Meditation: day 408
2 sessions. 60 minutes. Want to keep this streak.

PMO study: day 418
Read in Worthy of her Trust about restitution. I've read it many times, but it struck me this time. Your partner trusted you, you misused the trust she gave you on loan, now you need to pay back the trust plus a lot of interest. You need to make her more than whole.

Sleep: day 274
Slept well and went to bed at 10:25 PM.

Healthy eating: day 274
I had a sugar day and had so many chocolates that I got a mild stomach ache. Ate rye crackers with an egg. Ate leftover risotto for dinner.

Cold showers: day 318
2 cold showers!
 
higor pereira araujo said:
Hey,

I've been having sexual dreams every day for months, and I don't know how to end this habit. Does anyone know what could I do to end this habit?
Click to expand...
Good to hear from you again! It's been a while.

Frankly, I can't tell you how to fix it as I've never had it myself. What I know for myself is that sexual dreams are unprocessed sexual thoughts. When I would be very active with overcoming my addiction, I would have moments where I'd get sexual dreams and nocturnal emissions. Perhaps you can monitor yourself having intruding thoughts and finding ways to send them away (if you don't already do that). Sounds like a positive sign to me anyway. Your brain is being purged of all the smut. As long as it doesn't cause you to relapse, they might go away.
 
Sam78 said:
I've been struggling with the urges a lot lately and teetered on the edge of relapse which is M for me or binging P and have slipped here and there in terms of viewing racy images and touching... am going to try to get some extra sleep today and really focus on my following my routine this week including working out in the evening. Am going to try to socialize/network this week. Went to a meetup this past Saturday and it was really nice
Click to expand...
Good to hear about your meet up! Sounds good. Be careful with touching and viewing. It will lead you down the drain and I guess you need to find ways to stop watching and touching. It might seem.innocent, but it will pull you under in a sort of trance like state. You will be convinced that you are allowed to touch, but there are probably other feelings causing the desire to feel better.

Sam78 said:
Do you often take more than one cold shower? Is everything going okay? Just checking.
I am thinking to start doing this as well. Does it help with the urges?
Click to expand...
Cold showers work really well. They suck, but it creates this very powerful feeling about oneself. They work because they suck!
 
NF SINCE BIRTH said:
End of day 1 for me. I hit rock bottom again a week or so ago. Yesterday I made the very difficult act of throwing everything related to my addiction in the trash including some sex toys. I am also considering downgrading my phone to an old nokia or something but I found out the other day that opting out from the internet is pretty damn impossible when I need an app to pay my bus ticket.
Click to expand...
This is an important step. It took me some months of fulltime involvement in overcoming my addiction when I could throw my toys away. You said you threw some of them away. Why not rip the bandaid and throw all of them away? You will have difficulty with it and will find all kind of reasons to keep them, but it works best if you dispose all of them.

Considering switching to an old nokia, this is a possibility but will not work in the long run. You will justify having a smartphone again and you will again use it for PMO. Perhaps you have worked with p-blockers and I suggest that you use them as thoroughly as you can. Make an extensive list and block the living daylight out of your internet. Make sure that you can only access the things that you need. Some ideas to put on your black list: All P-sites you can think of, all social media, all meme sites, reddit, reddit clones and perhaps certain Google products. It looks overdone, but you really need to get all in. And yes, it might be hard in the beginning to work with the blocks, but you sometimes need a bit of discipline to stick to it. It's worth it if you do.

Another way to approach your addiction is to read some of the desperate stories on NF and think that this could be you in a few years time: Past your prime, depressed, lost the love of your life due to PMO. This will be your future if you don't fight against the PMO urges. With every urge you fight, you grow your self-respect and your dignity. It takes courage and a lot of self-knowledge, but you can do it!
 
Day 419

I had my first Emotional Regulation therapy session. There were 2 other people who came from the clinic and one person came from crisis care. It was a good session, but I don't think this is something for me. Most others have trouble formulating emotions and don't know what's what, while I am quite a step further on. Had a talk with my brother yesterday and he said that he felt depressed. He said that he had a professional he could talk to and I felt relieved. To create a further bond between us, I said that I also talk to professionals now and then because I sometimes also feel very sad. He was surprised to hear that. I forgot for a moment that my brother had autism and that the knowledge of me going to a professional could be told to his girlfriend and/or to my parents. So I specifically said that he shouldn't tell them that, as it is none of their business. Let's see if it comes up or not.

Workout: day 312
Push ups and toilet routines were done. Rest day for the workout.

Walking: day 319
Did an easy lunch walk before going to therapy and I did a light stroll in the evening. Did my 9+ min bike ride.

Screentime: day 319
4:19 hours on Whatsapp (apping/calling with my girlfriend) and 1:07 hours on the Internet (responding on NF, looking for recipes, following the recipe)

Lying: day 32
There can be a misunderstanding in everything we say, but as long as we are able to communicate it, we will be able to bring it forth. It is important to listen to the other what their hidden feelings and needs are. In turn, it is also important to state your feelings and needs.

Meditation: day 409
3 sessions. 60 minutes. I'm on a roll

PMO study: day 419
Read in Worthy of her Trust about restitution again and the piece of text just strikes me. It is not to give back what is lost, but to make the other more than whole. You need to pay interest on the trust you have breached.

Sleep: day 275
Slept late and went to bed at 11:25 PM.

Healthy eating: day 275
No sugar day. Noticed that I got quite grumpy and hungry yesterday and think I don't eat enough carbs to get me through my day. I was doing something of a ketogenic diet where I tried to eradicate carbs as much as possible, but I guess I need to structure this a bit better.

Cold showers: day 319
2 lukewarm showers because of the neckache. Read that neckache can also be caused by emotional stress that then lodges in the body. Perhaps something to look into.
 
JoeBimbo said:
Good to hear from you again! It's been a while.

Frankly, I can't tell you how to fix it as I've never had it myself. What I know for myself is that sexual dreams are unprocessed sexual thoughts. When I would be very active with overcoming my addiction, I would have moments where I'd get sexual dreams and nocturnal emissions. Perhaps you can monitor yourself having intruding thoughts and finding ways to send them away (if you don't already do that). Sounds like a positive sign to me anyway. Your brain is being purged of all the smut. As long as it doesn't cause you to relapse, they might go away.
Click to expand...

Sure thing, it's been a long time.

The problem is that I always relapse because of them, and after some time I'm just not sleeping anymore. I've heard that taking cold showers helps with that, so I'll make that a habit and see what happens.
 
higor pereira araujo said:
Sure thing, it's been a long time.

The problem is that I always relapse because of them, and after some time I'm just not sleeping anymore. I've heard that taking cold showers helps with that, so I'll make that a habit and see what happens.
Click to expand...
Cold showers help against so many things, so I highly recommend those. I also recommend the usual: get a good p-blocker where you block pmo sites, all social media, reddit and other things that trigger you. There are people who recommend periods of fasting, so you can give that a shot. Haven't tried that yet, as I was already dabbling with eating keto/low-carb. Good daily routines where you eat, sleep and work on fixed times are also recommended. Workouts are also really good to feel better and release some of your energy in a more productive manner.
 
Day 420

Discovered that my brother is struggling with PMO addiction as well. He has the added difficulty that he has autism. Furthermore, he doesn't think PMO is a problem in his life. He is angry and upset about how things go in his relationship, but doesn't see that it probably starts with his PMO use. I really feel for this guy and I figured that the Emotional Regulation therapy I'm getting is probably more suited for guys like my brother. Anyway, I wish him the best

Workout: day 313
Push ups and toilet routines were done. Rest day for workout

Walking: day 320
Did a 26+ min lunch walk and a short stroll in the evening. Did a 9+ min bike ride yesterday. Pumped up my tires, but my front tire was still quite flat. I guess I have to go back to the bike shop.

Screentime: day 320
2:09 hours on Whatsapp (apping/calling with my girlfriend) and 0:20 hours on the Internet (responding on NF, buying a phone case for my girl)

Lying: day 33
Listen to your partner and don't walk away in pride. Listen to what she has to say, because you want to hear everything she has to say. You want to be a container for her feelings.

Meditation: day 410
3 sessions. 30 minutes. I'm going to meditate again for an hour today.

PMO study: day 420
Read in Worthy of her Trust about restitution and self-preservation. We usually have lots of self preserving behaviors in place that make sure we are still intact in a crisis situation. It often goes at the cost of our partner who will be the recipient of our self-preservation. This will be very painful, as our whole PMO habit is based in a sense of emotional self-preservation.

Sleep: day 276
Slept a bit late.

Healthy eating: day 276
No sugar day. Had noodles for lunch and dinner, but my intestines really didn't like that. Spent 20 minutes on the toilet with uncomfortable cramps.

Cold showers: day 320
2 lukewarm showers were taken because of a slight neckache. Don't want it to get bigger.
 
JoeBimbo said:
Cold showers help against so many things, so I highly recommend those. I also recommend the usual: get a good p-blocker where you block pmo sites, all social media, reddit and other things that trigger you. There are people who recommend periods of fasting, so you can give that a shot. Haven't tried that yet, as I was already dabbling with eating keto/low-carb. Good daily routines where you eat, sleep and work on fixed times are also recommended. Workouts are also really good to feel better and release some of your energy in a more productive manner.
Click to expand...
Thanks man.
 
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