Accountability for All

Day 421

Had a beautiful day with my girl yesterday. We went out for dinner in the evening and went to the cinema to see the newest Mad Max movie. Didn't know that I would like it that much, but I enjoyed it. There was a bit of drama, but mostly motorbikes, monster trucks and a lot of anger.

Workout: day 314
Push ups and toilet routines were done. Another rest day for my workout.

Walking: day 321
Did my 26+ min lunch walk and a short stroll in the evening. No bike ride.

Screentime: day 321
2:43 hours on Whatsapp (apping/calling with my girlfriend) and 0:43 hours on the Internet (responding on NF, looking for makeup organizers for my girl and bought + sent a surprise package of candy to my brother)

Lying: day 34
Listen to your girl, also when you are in something you really want to do. When your girl says that she wants to leave before the movie is over, it is good to go into a dialogue with her. Don't dismiss it, but recognize her feelings/needs while also addressing your own feelings/needs

Meditation: day 411
3 sessions. 33 minutes. I plan to meditate again for an hour today.

PMO study: day 421
Read in Help.Her.Heal about triggers. The writers say that triggers can happen seemingly randomly, but that it fully activates the partner's betrayal trauma. A trigger can pop up by something you said that took her back to the initial moment of discovery, or at the place where the discovery took place, or the color of the kitchen where the discovery took place. Be gentle and kind to her. Speak her through it.

Sleep: day 277
Slept late, as the movie ended around 11 PM.

Healthy eating: day 277
Had my sugar day yesterday instead of today. Had some candy in the cinema. Ate a healthy, low-carb sandwich for breakfast, scrambled egg with rosemary and a peanut butter sandwich for lunch and Greek street food for dinner.

Cold showers: day 321
2 lukewarm showers were taken. Woke up with a painful neck ache this morning so I have to be careful.
 
Day 422

My girl had a nail appointment in a nearby city yesterday afternoon and I brought her there. I took a walk and listened to the radio as I was waiting for my girl in the car. After that, we went to the supermarket and bought some nice ingredients. I brought my girl back home around 9 PM.

Workout: day 315
Push ups and toilet routines were done. Another rest day for my workout. Will do workout today again.

Walking: day 322
Did my 26+ min lunch walk in the graveyard of the city I was in and a 26+ min walk in the evening. Did a 9+ min bike ride. I'm promoting myself to a 10+ min bike ride!

Screentime: day 322
3:17 hours on Whatsapp (apping/calling with my girlfriend) and 0:24 hours on the Internet (responding on NF, translating Turkish)

Lying: day 35
Be well fed and watered when you talk to your partner. Some irritation can happen when your sugar level is low. Make sure you take good care of yourself first, before you take care of your partner.

Meditation: day 412
2 sessions. 30 minutes. Still the plan to meditate for an hour today.

PMO study: day 422
Read in Worthy of her Trust about the accountability process. The book was written in 2014 and describes the process of the writer a decade before that. In the early 2000's there were no accountability forums such as NF and the writer also explains that he had physical accountability meetings every week. In this digital era, we can go by much more unnoticed. We don't have to commit to physical appointments and can even avoid digital accountability by not responding on NF. The writer stresses the importance of real, regular accountability and I agree with him.

Sleep: day 278
Slept a bit late. Had an elaborate evening schedule that started later.

Healthy eating: day 278
Had an extra sugar day yesterday and had pastry and ice cream.

Cold showers: day 322
2 lukewarm showers were taken. Still a slight neck ache.
 
How is everybody doing this weekend? I am really struggling with my urges today. Looking for any way I can to get around my blockers and access explicit material so that I can turn my brain off... hopefully I don't find a way and can figure out some other way to feel/resolve/manage this negative emotion.
 
Day 423

Had a grumpy day yesterday. It was the culmination of not eating well (eating keto), going to bed late and some financial issues that made me incredibly grumpy. I was acting my grump out on my girl and stopped doing that when I noticed I did that. Went to an appointment yesterday evening and was home late

Workout: day 316
Push ups and toilet routines were done. Had an arm day in my workout.

Walking: day 323
Did my 26+ min lunch walk in the afternoon and a short stroll in the evening. Did my first 10+ min bike ride!

Screentime: day 323
3:26 hours on Whatsapp (apping/calling with my girlfriend) and 0:23 hours on the Internet (responding on NF, translating Turkish)

Lying: day 36
Try to see why you are grumpy. Are there troubles on your way that make you like this? Instead of making your partner your dustbin, make her the container of your neutral feelings so that she can help you through. As an addict you probably have not learned to handle your feelings well, so every bit of help should be very welcome.

Meditation: day 413
3 sessions. 35 minutes. Again the plan to meditate for an hour today.

PMO study: day 423
Read in NVC, a language of life about the simple process of paraphrasing what you've heard. It gives the opportunity to really make the other feel heard and to externalize what they hear you say about them. The writer gives an example about an old lady in the hospital who didn't speak, but only said that she wanted to die. All the nurses tried to reassure or console the lady, but the lady only opened up when someone paraphrased: ‘So you want to die?’. She felt so relieved that she's finally been understood. After that she could speak about her heartfelt pain and desperation.

Sleep: day 279
Slept at 12 PM. Feel okay

Healthy eating: day 279
No sugar day yesterday. Made zucchetti (spaghetti from zucchini) with chicken, bell pepper and mushrooms. Was very nourishing, but it lacked some flavor.

Cold showers: day 323
2 lukewarm showers.
 
Sam78 said:
How is everybody doing this weekend? I am really struggling with my urges today. Looking for any way I can to get around my blockers and access explicit material so that I can turn my brain off... hopefully I don't find a way and can figure out some other way to feel/resolve/manage this negative emotion.
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I think your feeling needs being resolved. There is somewhere an ache in you that is being activated. Try to feel what it might be. Perhaps this is a chance to ask yourself questions so you get to know yourself. Maybe you find out your triggers and how your feelings work.

Btw, did you manage?
 
JoeBimbo said:
This is an important step. It took me some months of fulltime involvement in overcoming my addiction when I could throw my toys away. You said you threw some of them away. Why not rip the bandaid and throw all of them away? You will have difficulty with it and will find all kind of reasons to keep them, but it works best if you dispose all of them.

Considering switching to an old nokia, this is a possibility but will not work in the long run. You will justify having a smartphone again and you will again use it for PMO. Perhaps you have worked with p-blockers and I suggest that you use them as thoroughly as you can. Make an extensive list and block the living daylight out of your internet. Make sure that you can only access the things that you need. Some ideas to put on your black list: All P-sites you can think of, all social media, all meme sites, reddit, reddit clones and perhaps certain Google products. It looks overdone, but you really need to get all in. And yes, it might be hard in the beginning to work with the blocks, but you sometimes need a bit of discipline to stick to it. It's worth it if you do.

Another way to approach your addiction is to read some of the desperate stories on NF and think that this could be you in a few years time: Past your prime, depressed, lost the love of your life due to PMO. This will be your future if you don't fight against the PMO urges. With every urge you fight, you grow your self-respect and your dignity. It takes courage and a lot of self-knowledge, but you can do it!
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I have been in this fight for 10 years! I only really had one vibrator. The other stuff went in the trash too. Today is day 7. It havent been easy but without my toys, it is less tempting to fap.
 
JoeBimbo said:
I think your feeling needs being resolved. There is somewhere an ache in you that is being activated. Try to feel what it might be. Perhaps this is a chance to ask yourself questions so you get to know yourself. Maybe you find out your triggers and how your feelings work.

Btw, did you manage?
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I fell again, but will get back up, am struggling a lot to sit with my feelings so I'm going to try to just sit with myself for about five minutes daily and not allow myself to escape into something else and hope that with time I'll be able to slowly open up to my feelings...
 
Day 424

My mate called me yesterday for an impromptu appointment and I wasn't available, so I told him that. When I told my girl that my mate called she confronted me with words that I could've said, but didn't. I felt the need to defend myself and also to defend meeting him. She was disappointed that I did that. We spoke about it for a long time, but I feel that something needs to change. We keep on bumping into the same thing over and over again and I try to overcome it in myself. However, that sometimes just doesn't work. We both get very tired from attacking and defending. NVC sometimes work, but I'm not always in the clarity of mind to apply it.

Workout: day 317
Yesterday was a rest day.

Walking: day 324
My girl and I took a walk in the forest and I took a 26+ min walk in the evening. No bike ride.

Screentime: day 324
1:24 hours on Whatsapp (apping/calling with my girlfriend) and 0:16 hours on the Internet (responding on NF, translating Turkish)

Lying: day 37
Take a step back and try to see the whole situation from your partner's. What do you need to learn and what do you need to understand to get further? It's one thing to get to know stuff, but you eventually need to apply it.

Meditation: day 414
4 sessions. 60 minutes. Got to my hour today.

PMO study: day 424
Read in NVC, a language of life about the example that the writer gave about seeing NVC in his own family. He recognized that his grandmother was a real master of NVC, as she was always trying to give food and shelter for those in need. He tells a story about how many people have stayed with his grandmother, while she was already raising 9 kids of her own.

Sleep: day 280
Slept at 10 PM. Feel rested. Neck ache is less achy today.

Healthy eating: day 280
No sugar day yesterday. Ate leftover zucchetti (spaghetti from zucchini).

Cold showers: day 324
2 lukewarm showers.
 
Day 425

Had an okay day yesterday. I made my girl lunch and brought it to her. That made her able to forget the problems we had 2 days ago. It is clear that I need to move through aspects that I am as of yet refusing to do.

Workout: day 318
My push ups and my toilet routine has been done. Did a chest workout yesterday.

Walking: day 325
I took a 15+ min walk in the neighborhood, strolled through the city with my girl for 30+ minutes and did a 15+ min walk in the evening.

Screentime: day 325
3:44 hours on Whatsapp (apping/calling with my girlfriend) and 0:55 hours on the Internet (responding on NF, translating Turkish, tracing the package I bought for my brother)

Lying: day 38
Find many moments where you give your partner love. Put yourself aside and open your heart. Be sweet and gentle when handling her, for she hadn't chosen to be in this mess.

Meditation: day 415
4 sessions. 60 minutes. Reached my hour

PMO study: day 425
Read in Worthy of Her Trust about regaining the Trust of your spouse. The writer uses the example of the apostle Paul, who first was a pharisee who was passionate about snuffing out the embers of Christianity, but had a revelatory experience that changed him. It took the disciples 4 years to trust him again. This story shows that you need to be patient with your wife and keep doing well so that your partner can get her Trust back.

Sleep: day 281
Slept at 10-ish PM. Feel rested. Neck ache is less achy today.

Healthy eating: day 281
I had a sugar day yesterday and ate some cookies. Made a nice dish with marinated beef, stewed vegetables in tomato sauce and the creamiest rice I've ever eaten

Cold showers: day 325
2 lukewarm showers were taken. My neck started to ache like crazy after doing my push ups and I decided to keep on taking lukewarm showers for the moment
 
JoeBimbo said:
Day 425

Had an okay day yesterday. I made my girl lunch and brought it to her. That made her able to forget the problems we had 2 days ago. It is clear that I need to move through aspects that I am as of yet refusing to do.

Workout: day 318
My push ups and my toilet routine has been done. Did a chest workout yesterday.

Walking: day 325
I took a 15+ min walk in the neighborhood, strolled through the city with my girl for 30+ minutes and did a 15+ min walk in the evening.

Screentime: day 325
3:44 hours on Whatsapp (apping/calling with my girlfriend) and 0:55 hours on the Internet (responding on NF, translating Turkish, tracing the package I bought for my brother)

Lying: day 38
Find many moments where you give your partner love. Put yourself aside and open your heart. Be sweet and gentle when handling her, for she hadn't chosen to be in this mess.

Meditation: day 415
4 sessions. 60 minutes. Reached my hour

PMO study: day 425
Read in Worthy of Her Trust about regaining the Trust of your spouse. The writer uses the example of the apostle Paul, who first was a pharisee who was passionate about snuffing out the embers of Christianity, but had a revelatory experience that changed him. It took the disciples 4 years to trust him again. This story shows that you need to be patient with your wife and keep doing well so that your partner can get her Trust back.

Sleep: day 281
Slept at 10-ish PM. Feel rested. Neck ache is less achy today.

Healthy eating: day 281
I had a sugar day yesterday and ate some cookies. Made a nice dish with marinated beef, stewed vegetables in tomato sauce and the creamiest rice I've ever eaten

Cold showers: day 325
2 lukewarm showers were taken. My neck started to ache like crazy after doing my push ups and I decided to keep on taking lukewarm showers for the moment
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Great progress per usual :emoji_relaxed:

I am feeling the PAWS pretty hard today, but hope to feel better in the next two to three days and am just going to remain mindful to monitor my fluid intake.

How is everyone else managing?
 
Sam78 said:
I fell again, but will get back up, am struggling a lot to sit with my feelings so I'm going to try to just sit with myself for about five minutes daily and not allow myself to escape into something else and hope that with time I'll be able to slowly open up to my feelings...
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How is this going for you? Are you managing to fill 5 minutes?

I've felt that I find it a lot easier to sit with my feelings if I close my eyes. I can ruminate my inner feelings in the privacy of my own head. Maybe it helps
 
JoeBimbo said:
Thanks guys for checking in! Now I don't have to do the rollcall anymore. However, I'm wondering how @breaking-myths, @higor pereira araujo and @corylife are doing. Are you guys doing well? Are there things you need to understand that you feel are still missing in your process?
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I happened to have a few rough days . No matter how badly I wanted to do something I have always had trouble completing work , often taking it into the last moments and ultimately having to satisfy with whatever I am able to pull off at final moments . This ultimately leads to stress .procrastination .The fact that I am ailing from a minor injury have made things worse . I ended up relapsing . The guilt of the relapse lead to even more relapses ,I was kind of ashamed to come back here.

Making this small commitment to come back here no matter what everyday.
 
breaking-myths said:
I happened to have a few rough days . No matter how badly I wanted to do something I have always had trouble completing work , often taking it into the last moments and ultimately having to satisfy with whatever I am able to pull off at final moments . This ultimately leads to stress .procrastination .The fact that I am ailing from a minor injury have made things worse . I ended up relapsing . The guilt of the relapse lead to even more relapses ,I was kind of ashamed to come back here.

Making this small commitment to come back here no matter what everyday.
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Good to hear how you are busy with it. Fail forward!

You can make it a practice to check in first thing in the morning. Then go about your day
 
Day 426

Had group Psycho Motoric Therapy (PMT) yesterday and it was okay. I'm in a group with guys and girls who have been admitted to the psych ward in the recent past and need to do this as part of their rehabilitation. They are all very motivated to change, but I notice that I'm a few steps ahead. I still learn some things there, but have already intuitively applied many of the tips they give: have a fixed sleeping schedule, eat well, and take enough rest.

Workout: day 319
My push ups and my toilet routine has been done. No workout.

Walking: day 326
I took a 15+ min walk in the neighborhood and did a 26+ min walk in the evening.

Screentime: day 326
1:55 hours on Whatsapp (apping/calling with my girlfriend) and 0:17 hours on the Internet (responding on NF, translating Turkish, tracing the package I bought for my brother)

Lying: day 39
Be gentle when your partner gives you the gift of reflection. She sees something you don't. Put your pride away and accepting for what it is: a gift to become a better man

Meditation: day 416
4 sessions. 60 minutes. Back on track it seems.

PMO study: day 426
Read in Worthy of Her Trust about accountability with other men. The writer says that there is something really satisfying about meeting a group of honorable men who all try to help each other with sexual sobriety. The condition that the writer stated is that you meet in person every week and that all of the others need to be in good recovery.

Sleep: day 282
Slept at 10:30-ish PM. Feel rested. Had a terrible bout of hay fever yesterday and took medicine. My girl said that it would make me really sleepy, but I didn't really notice that.

Healthy eating: day 282
No sugar day yesterday. Brought McDonald's for my girl and me after therapy as my girl was suffering from her monthly period. She was really happy with it and it truly hit the spot.

Cold showers: day 326
2 lukewarm showers were taken.
 
breaking-myths said:
I happened to have a few rough days . No matter how badly I wanted to do something I have always had trouble completing work , often taking it into the last moments and ultimately having to satisfy with whatever I am able to pull off at final moments . This ultimately leads to stress .procrastination .The fact that I am ailing from a minor injury have made things worse . I ended up relapsing . The guilt of the relapse lead to even more relapses ,I was kind of ashamed to come back here.

Making this small commitment to come back here no matter what everyday.
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No shame in it brother, it happens to the best of us, but you came back here and that is all that matters. I can relate about what you're describing about work (pretty sure I have ADHD) and it really does cause so much anxiety cause you if you let up you might not get it done or in cursory way that leads to negative outcomes but if you push to hard you can slip and buckle under the pressure and finding that fine balance is so hard... do you think having a study/work partner might help?
 
Day 427

Had systemic therapy yesterday where the therapist looks at all kinds of relationships. I don't really see what this therapist does differently than my ‘regular’ therapist, but I guess it's useful.

Workout: day 320
My push ups and my toilet routine has been done. Did a leg workout.

Walking: day 327
I took a 26+ min walk in the neighborhood and did a 26+ min walk in the evening. Also did my 10+ min on the bike.

Screentime: day 327
3:11 hours on Whatsapp (apping/calling with my girlfriend) and 1:11 hours on the Internet (responding on NF, looking for hotels for a short trip this weekend, looking for recipes, following up 2 recipes)

Lying: day 40
Be caring and gentle when your partner is ill. See whether you can take care of her or if you can do.anything for her.

Meditation: day 417
3 sessions. 60 minutes!

PMO study: day 427
Read in Worthy of Her Trust about actions that we men need to take to regain trust. We, first of all, need to be really transparent and have a soft demeanor with our partner. We need to own up to our mistakes and offer restitution to make the other more than whole again.

Sleep: day 283
Slept at 10:25-ish PM. Feel rested and okay.

Healthy eating: day 283
No sugar day yesterday. Made sugar free brownies with sweet potato and peanut butter and had a delicious dessert.

Cold showers: day 327
2 lukewarm showers were taken.
 
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