Accountability for All

Sam78 said:
Fell off the wagon again (been sick for the last month and got into an auto accident -- luckily I wasn't injured but my car was totaled)
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Thank god you're okay. However it sucks that your car is totaled. You have expressed earlier your financial situation and how that has given you triggers in the past. Having your car totaled doesn't help, but perhaps can be seen as hardship that you have gone through. Your car is totaled, but you didn't relapse! And this is progress!.
Sam78 said:
Had some urges today but sustained my streak by remembering my why of wanting to get healthy, build some skills, and get my life going and I am on track to reaching six days tonight
Thanks for listening
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6 days whoop whoop! The more you abstain, the easier it will become to keep on doing it.
 
Day 645

Had a productive day. My new habits of going to ride my bike and, after coming home, jog on the treadmill are working quite well. Was a bit grumpy today, as I didn't really eat well. I was a bit and impatient to my girl, but we spoke about it and I said that I would take more measures to eat enough during the day.

Workout: day 539
Did 25 push ups and did push ups before my toilet visits. Did my shoulder workout and jogged for 5 min on the treadmill.

Walking: day 548
Took two 37 min walks and a short bike ride.

Screentime: day 548
Total screentime on my smartphone yesterday was 4:48 from which 3:21 hours on Whatsapp (apping/calling with my girl) and 0:20 hours on the Internet (responded on NoFap, looked for valentine's day gifts)

Lying: day 99
Speak out what you're feeling, but take responsibility for this. If you feel.impatient, tell your partner.

Meditation: day 645
Meditated for 60 minutes

Language learning: day 206
I did 6 sentences and book study.

PMO study: day 645
Read in YBOP about dopamine deficiency. Weird things happen when we are deprived of dopamine. We all use TV, internet, etc. as a way to keep ourselves busy. When we stop that, our brain starts to protest and, as some guys said on this forum, ‘life becomes really boring’. Life stays the same, but our brain misses the continuous surge of dopamine and is in a dopamine deprived state. The advice was to stay away from using things that give too much dopamine (like PMO, but also everything that is freely available like unlimited TV, unlimited music). The advice was to stay away from the buffets of life.

Sleep: day 503
Slept at 10:20 PM. Woke up one to go to the toilet. Am still a bit sleepy, as I'm not used to go to bed this early.

Healthy eating: day 503
Weighed myself at 94,4 kg again. Had chicken, rice and salad for dinner. I made popcorn and had some pecan nuts in the afternoon.

Cold showers: day 538
I took 2 lukewarm showers.
 
Day 0

Made it 12 days and lapsed. I got some difficult news yesterday which sent my mind wondering into future tripping about worst case scenarios. That thinking persisted all night and pretty much ruined what was a good day. I made it to bed and inside I knew I was in dangerous territory mentally and voice told me “don’t take the phone into the bedroom” but I ignored that helpful voice and lapsed. Maybe I wanted to lapse. I don’t know.

Anyway, the lapse of course didn’t help anything. The news is still bad and didn’t go away, and all I have now is bad news compounded with more bad news. No point in adding to that. Back up. Back in the fight. Ordered an alarm clock for my room so I can leave the phone out of the room at all times.
 
Hello
I walked few, today in sunlight
Sleep got worse,around 6 hours.
I woke up 1 time in night.
Very little energy was recharged.No rest.
Low physical and mental energy.
A Midle cold symptoms today

Mental health
Well, it hasn't improved at all.

Anxiety
No anxiety attack,at moment.

Mood
There was no positive mood change.

Strong urges.
I woke up with a strong desire,
I noticed the physical signs.
I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, with my hands by my head.
it soon passed.

Healthy Food
Ending day without wheat
Only natural foods.
No much industrialized, overprocessed foods.

Just one more day
 
Sam78 said:
Slipped again but almost had 7 days, will start over immediately and have made some changes to make it even harder to access explicit content and some changes to make it easier to access support and motivations materials, will keep trying until this addiction is overcome.
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Learn and continue indeed! You have reached a milestone where it is possible to reach (almost) 7 days of abstinence. You can gradually build on that. I think it's a great step!
 
corylife said:
You know ive failed so many times, and sometimes I wonder.. Is it because I just don't want it bad enough to succeed? Or is that the addiction talking, trying to tell me that its ok, and that you don't need help. And that this is just who you are
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Yeah, don't buy into that crap. The steps might be too big and your ambition might be too great. Perhaps your steps need to be small enough to have many many many small wins.
 
Day 646

Went into the city with my girl. My girl met a colleague in the morning and I bought presents for my mom.

Workout: day 540
Did 25 push ups and did push ups before my toilet visits. Did a chest workout and 6 min jog. Was able to do a workout every workday and I see I'm improving.

Walking: day 549
Took a walk in the city for hours and took a stroll in the evening.

Screentime: day 549
Total screentime on my smartphone yesterday was 1:23 from which 0:40 hours on Whatsapp (apping/calling with my girl) and 0:17 hours on the Internet (responded on NoFap)

Lying: day 100
Be patient and neutral. Ask questions when you're irked. It can be difficult in the moment, but practice makes perfect.

Meditation: day 646
Meditated for 17 minutes

Language learning: day 207
I did 6 sentences and book study again. Have a nice little thing going

PMO study: day 646
Read in NVC a language of life, about the misunderstandings we might have with others. We mistakenly think that others think like us, but they have very different value systems, needs and feelings.

Sleep: day 504
Slept at 11 PM. Woke up a lot during the night and was wide awake.

Healthy eating: day 504
Weighed myself at 93,7 kg. Had a sugar day and had a cookie on the market and a cookie bar in the evening. I prepared chicken, rice and salad for dinner.

Cold showers: day 539
I took 2 lukewarm showers.
 
JoeBimbo said:
What I've read about urge surfing, but maybe you have read different things, is that you actively confront yourself with the material that gives you the urge and you try to resist it. For a PMO addict, this would mean that you would open the tubesites and would restrain yourself from doing anything. While this is a valid technique that therapists use in cases of social anxiety, I would be very careful with doing that in your PMO journey. At least for the first months. If you are somehow able to withstand the urge to which you gave in so often the last few years, it might trigger you and lead to relapse a few days or even weeks down the line.
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I have no intention to deliberately cause an urge of any sort.
For example, I no longer have urges to watch porn whatsoever. It's 200 days now abstinence.
I read sth different about urge surfing. It's a technique to handle an urge without resisting or giving in to the urge mostly by begin mindful. One should recognize un urge, mindfully observe what they do and think without judgement and use the right self-talk to help themselves until the urge ends because it is like a wave, starts, increases, peak, then it breaks and goes away.

my understanding is that the idea behind the method is to activate certain higher parts of the brain that help one control him self to gain time until urge eventually disappears.
I have been practicing it with good results for the last week.
 
200 days no P, 4 days no PMO and fantasies. also making good progress with other behavioral problems like screen use and eating.

For the last 4 days, I feel angry a lot , more than usually and alot of violent thoughts toward others. It makes me full of energy and determination. Not sure if it is a good mental state, but it clearly helps me in the last 4 days.

screen
< 4 h total
< 2 h online
< 1 h consuming
minimal random surfing
- started to build a system of habits to govern my use of these devices

relations
no improvement with others, still alone, it's not a problem but issue is I am unable to leave this place for now.
with myself, paying more attention to myself, and my internal states, more self talk, more positive self talk

learning
~ 30 min reading atomic habits
1 h practicing algorithmic problem-solving for no clear reason except that sth to get some flow state
that's it i wasted most of the time somehow

meditation and mindfulness - being more intentional
12+ min at start of evening
many 5+ min meditation
detailed journaling keeps me aware of how i spend my time

mostly i was feeling energetic but was not effective but did all i want when it comes to recovery.
 
About urge surfing:
It involves recognizing the urge, along with associated physical sensations and thoughts, without judgment. The goal is to be less reactive and more accepting of our cravings. We allow them to pass without acting on or responding to them.
The goal is to stay free of chemical or behavioral addiction.

Urge Surfing

This fact sheet describes a mindfulness technique called urge surfing, which helps with resisting engaging in eating disordered behaviours.
insideoutinstitute.org.au insideoutinstitute.org.au
www.verywellmind.com

Mastering Self-Control: The Power of Urge Surfing

Visualizing your cravings as a wave that rises then falls can help you not give in to habits that don't serve you. Learn everything you need to know about urge surfing.
www.verywellmind.com www.verywellmind.com

Links for reference and reading. Not advertisements
 
Hello
I walked few,kilometers today in sunlight
Sleep got worse,around 4 hours.
Little energy was recharged.Little rest.
Low physical and mental energy.
A Little cold symptoms today.

Mental health
Well, it hasn't improved at all.

Anxiety
No anxiety attack,at moment.

Mood
There was no positive mood change.

Strong urges.
I had little desire
I noticed the physical signs.
But I had to stay calm and safe, until it passed.
it soon passed

Healthy Food
Ending day without wheat and sugar
Only natural foods.
No much industrialized, overprocessed foods.

Just one more day
 
Day 34/1000 of no porn...

Again got heavy wet dream this is purely same mistake I got up at 4:00am lay down by meditating and slided into sleep so at 8:30am I had wet dream then I got up with all side effects at 10:00am literally this is my setback......

This phase should end because I am getting nightfalls almost daily....
 
Kedre said:
Day 34/1000 of no porn...

Again got heavy wet dream this is purely same mistake I got up at 4:00am lay down by meditating and slided into sleep so at 8:30am I had wet dream then I got up with all side effects at 10:00am literally this is my setback......

This phase should end because I am getting nightfalls almost daily....
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This is extreme. It might take some time as your body is used to your PMO habits, but it will adjust in due time.
 
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