Accountability for All

Hello
I walked today, in sunlight
Sleep got improve around 9 hours
I woke up 1 time in night
Middle energy was recharged.Middle rest
Middle physical and mental energy
Little cold symptoms today

Mental health
Well, it hasn't improved at all

Anxiety
No anxiety attack,at moment

Mood
There was no positive mood

Strong urges
No urges

Brain work out
161 Days
Keep up the pace

Book read challenge
116 Days

Focus time
66 Days

Language learning
66 Days

Meditation
66 Days

Puzzle Time
98 Days

Psyche/Psy knowledge
96 Days done

The rhythm practice
35 Days

Healthy Food
Ending day without wheat.
Only natural foods.
No much industrialized, overprocessed foods.

Just one more day
 
BeBetter42 said:
Can you tell me more about recognising our needs?
Click to expand...
Absolutely. It sounded like an alien concept to me when I read it for the first time. We have not been trained to feel and sense what we need. Instead we have been trained to obey and respond to what others tell us. Sometimes we hear little voices in the back of our head. Everything that speaks to us has a need. If we listen a bit closely, we can discover the need behind the feelings that we feel. We might for example feel sad when our boss shouts at us, but come see that we have a need to be recognized and respected for all the things that we do. If we can come to listen to our feelings and the needs that the convey and find ways to meet them, our feelings will drastically change. We might then feel content and happy, because our needs have been met.
 
blue-sky-900 said:
Hello
Until today.I haven't yet been able to combine what I love with work that provides a good financial income.

Of course, I want to be at least a stoic. Maybe I am a little.It would be great to be at that level+
But I'm naturally a analytic, methodical person.

The main problem with insomnia is the many side effects it has on your physical, mental all-health over time, as well as not feeling rested or recharged with the energy you need.
You feel exhausted, and you've been burned out a few times.
I know that burnout can also contribute to insomnia, which is even worse than stress.

It's not a question of adaptation, but of surviving with as little damage as possible.
We were made with the need for quality sleep, and if that doesn't happen soon enough, it has many side effects.
Click to expand...
Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you have had some important, but tough lessons about work and burnout. I hope the job will allow you to sleep better in time.
 
Day 822

We celebrated my girl's birthday and she was as happy as a child. My parents and brother visited us and had a good time at home before we would go out for dinner. My brother has had bouts of depression in the past and thought that he was cured, but he felt very sad and walked away when we were in the restaurant. He said that he needed some space and took a long walk. He eventually showed up at the parking lot and he drove home by himself some time later. We were all worried and especially my father was self-critical about that he didn't see it coming. I told him that that was now the past and that we need to think about now and the next times. That helped him settle a bit.

Workout: day 718
No workout yesterday

Walking: day 725
Went into the city with my girl and took an hour's walk. Took a short walk of 15 min with my girl in the evening.

Screentime: day 725
Total screentime on my smartphone yesterday was 1:16 from which 0:53 hours on Whatsapp (apping/calling with my girl) and 0:06 hours on the Internet (responded on NoFap).

Lying: day 16
We had some arguments regarding cleaning. My parents would be coming in an hour and I still had to start cleaning the house. My girl got upset by my lack of responsibility, but I had a different way of thinking about this and would almost always do this last minute.

Meditation: day 822
Meditated for 49 minutes.

Language learning: day 384
I spoke 7 compound sentences in Turkish and some book study accordingly.

PMO study: day 822
Read in NVC about requests, so I've been practicing stating needs and giving requests all week. It is definitely much easier to do when you combine the two. You can already think about what you want to request and then pose a need in front of this, f.e.: ‘I need some quiet time. Would you be willing to take over the cooking so that I can sit outside for a few minutes?’

Sleep: day 680
Slept after midnight. I'm sleepy

Healthy eating: day 680
Ate a sandwich and some skyr for breakfast and an omelet for lunch. Had cake and cookies in the afternoon. We went out for dinner and had, except for the thing that happened with my brother, a good meal.

Cold showers: day 719
I had one cold shower
 
Day 1

I am at the end of another day. I feel bad for not doing a lot today. I was supposed to do many things but I couldnt figure out where to start and never left my house. I started the day by writing and I listened a little to an audio book. I cold showered (day 3). I also had a fight with my neighbor. That took some time and energy. He kicked my door and slammed it with a hammer again. I think I had to calm down for a good hour before I confronted him. I wanted to hurt him. In the end I banged his door back and told him to stay away. He told me something about me starting a civil war but I didnt care. Just leave my door alone, especially at bloody 4 am in the morning!
 
Day [149]



What happened today?

  • i woke up at 11 am
  • I hit the gym right away and did a a functional workout for 2 hours
  • I read 12 pages from “ The champion’s mind”
  • I walked outside for 45 minutes in the afternoon
Mental wins:

  • I became more into prioritizing myself and my overall health
What I need to fix or improve:

  • My screen time needs to be controlled
  • I need to manage my time better to be more productive
 
Hello
I walked today, in sunlight
Sleep got worse around 6 hours
I woke up 2 time in night
Little energy was recharged.Little rest
Little physical and mental energy
Little cold symptoms today

Mental health
Well, it hasn't improved at all

Anxiety
No anxiety attack,at moment

Mood
There was no positive mood

Strong urges
I woke up with a middle energy,right after I opened my eyes.
I noticed the physical signs.
But I had to stay calm and safe, until it passed.
it soon passed.

Brain work out
162 Days
Keep up the pace

Book read challenge
117 Days

Focus time
67 Days

Language learning
67 Days

Meditation
67 Days

Puzzle Time
99 Days

Psyche/Psy knowledge
97 Days done

The rhythm practice
36 Days

Healthy Food
Ending day without wheat.
Only natural foods.
No much industrialized, overprocessed foods.

Just one more day
 
Day 823

Had a good and quiet day yesterday. Had a beginning migraine yesterday evening and was able to mitigate it by eating some chocolate.

Workout: day 719
No workout yesterday

Walking: day 726
Took two 30 min walks.

Screentime: day 726
Total screentime on my smartphone yesterday was 4:09 from which 2:54 hours on Whatsapp (apping/calling with my girl) and 0:43 hours on the Internet (responded on NoFap).

Lying: day 17
No arguments yesterday.

Meditation: day 823
Meditated for 30 minutes.

Language learning: day 385
I spoke 7 compound sentences in Turkish and some book study accordingly.

PMO study: day 823
Read in Help.Her.Heal about different feelings that we can distinguish. Addicts are usually not in touch with their feelings and need help to see which feelings there are. The book spoke about Anger, Loneliness, Sadness, Fear and Happiness and all the sub flavors that these feelings have.

Sleep: day 681
Slept around 10:30. Feel rested.

Healthy eating: day 681
Ate a sandwich and some skyr for breakfast and an omelet for lunch. Had leftover cake in the afternoon. I had vegan meatballs with Turkish pepper and macaroni for dinner. It was like a student meal, because I didn't have anything else at home.

Cold showers: day 720
I had two cold showers
 
Day [150]



What happened today?

  • i woke up at 1 pm
  • I did a Pull workout in the gym for an hour followed by a hiit cardio
  • I read 12 pages from “ The champion’s mind”
  • In the afternoon i went to the cinema to watch “ Jurassic park” and it was horrible
  • I did 19 minutes in the ice bath
  • I walked outside for 45 minutes at night
Mental wins:

  • I became more into prioritizing myself and my overall health
What I need to fix or improve:

  • My screen time needs to be controlled
  • I need to manage my time better to be more productive
 
Back to no good. The old boat, the old bear (whatever) and the neverending ice. No breakthrough yet.
I decided to priotize my recovery again, to say no to porn, to strengthen my will to quit.

Today being clean but too much internet use. At home just hanging around - too much work (job), that's my excuse.
I think I bought two packages of sweets, after the first one I was missing the second one, couldn't find it, probably lost it at the shop or never bought it in the first place. I searched and searched and couldn't find it - why am I so obsessed with just a little bit of chocolate? Instead of cooking a proper meal ...

Started listening to soft music, this does me good. Little things like this can heal.

Check this out:
 
Hello
I walked few today, in sunlight
Sleep got worse around 6 hours
I woke up 2 time in night
I had 1 vivid dream that I didn't like.
Little energy was recharged.Little rest
Little physical and mental energy
Little cold symptoms today

Mental health
Well, it hasn't improved at all

Anxiety
No anxiety attack,at moment

Mood
There was no positive mood

Strong urges
No urges

Brain work out
163 Days
Keep up the pace

Book read challenge
118 Days

Focus time
68 Days

Language learning
68 Days

Meditation
68 Days

Puzzle Time
100 Days

Psyche/Psy knowledge
98 Days done

The rhythm practice
37 Days

Healthy Food
Ending day without wheat,and sugar.
Only natural foods.
No much industrialized, overprocessed foods.

Just one more day
 
icebreaker8 said:
Back to no good. The old boat, the old bear (whatever) and the neverending ice. No breakthrough yet.
I decided to priotize my recovery again, to say no to porn, to strengthen my will to quit.

Today being clean but too much internet use. At home just hanging around - too much work (job), that's my excuse.
I think I bought two packages of sweets, after the first one I was missing the second one, couldn't find it, probably lost it at the shop or never bought it in the first place. I searched and searched and couldn't find it - why am I so obsessed with just a little bit of chocolate? Instead of cooking a proper meal ...

Started listening to soft music, this does me good. Little things like this can heal.

Check this out:
Click to expand...
It's tough, but you can do this
 
Frassati said:
Day 8.

Today has been a mix of ups and downs. It's been one of those days where it feels like I'm having an out of body experience, which has been challenging from a faith and hope perspective.

I found some old music I had purchased, about twenty years ago. It's crazy to know it has been that long, even though it hasn't felt that long
Click to expand...
Good to see that you're back
 
Day 824

Lying counter goes back to 0, as I lied to my girl. I went to a school two days ago and got a map. I put it on the table and forgot about it until I accidentally showed it to my girl. My girl asked what the map was for and I lied and put it away, because I didn't want her to think that I was actually reading it (I'm not supposed to do this and it will lead to triggering behavior). She was disappointed that I lied to her, but had the realization that I'm still very much addicted.

Workout: day 720
Did 10 pre-shower push-ups. Did a back workout and my pre-toilet routine.

Walking: day 727
Took two 46 min walks.

Screentime: day 727
Total screentime on my smartphone yesterday was 4:22 from which 3:41 hours on Whatsapp (apping/calling with my girl) and 0:16 hours on the Internet (responded on NoFap).

Lying: day 0
Counter is back on 0. I lied to my girl and I should've told the truth. It's been almost three years and I'm still lying about stuff. I'm still afraid of what she would say if she'd found out I've been doing something ‘wrong’.

Meditation: day 824
Meditated for 45 minutes.

Language learning: day 386
I spoke 7 compound sentences in Turkish and some book study accordingly.

PMO study: day 824
Read in Help.Her.Heal about practicing empathy. It is very important to have a soft volume, a warm demeanor and welcoming body postures when the other needs empathy. In many cases the partner is triggering on something and needs empathy to let it go.

Sleep: day 682
Slept around 11 pm. Feel okay

Healthy eating: day 682
Ate a sandwich and some skyr for breakfast and an omelet for lunch. Bought butter chicken at the store for dinner.

Cold showers: day 721
I had two cold showers
 
Day 1

Relapse circumstances:

The days before the relapse I had incredibly high urges( not only for porn but for sex as well). In the day I had slept around 3 hours, and worked 12 after that. Fellings such as anger, lust and anxiety were present.( probably because of the lack of rest). When I got back I went to sleep in my parents house instead of mine( I didn’t want to cook). When I arrived I realised that my mother’s phone is unlocked and it has no blockers( I knew in that moment I should go because I would shamelessly relapse when I’m alone). I did not manage to to deal with my tiredness and stayed either way.

What do you think I could have done to prevent this?

Fellings after:
I felt as a piece of shit of course. But the battle goes on. I managed to stay sober almost a month so I will keep going forward.
 
JoeBimbo said:
Day 824

Lying counter goes back to 0, as I lied to my girl. I went to a school two days ago and got a map. I put it on the table and forgot about it until I accidentally showed it to my girl. My girl asked what the map was for and I lied and put it away, because I didn't want her to think that I was actually reading it (I'm not supposed to do this and it will lead to triggering behavior). She was disappointed that I lied to her, but had the realization that I'm still very much addicted.

Workout: day 720
Did 10 pre-shower push-ups. Did a back workout and my pre-toilet routine.

Walking: day 727
Took two 46 min walks.

Screentime: day 727
Total screentime on my smartphone yesterday was 4:22 from which 3:41 hours on Whatsapp (apping/calling with my girl) and 0:16 hours on the Internet (responded on NoFap).

Lying: day 0
Counter is back on 0. I lied to my girl and I should've told the truth. It's been almost three years and I'm still lying about stuff. I'm still afraid of what she would say if she'd found out I've been doing something ‘wrong’.

Meditation: day 824
Meditated for 45 minutes.

Language learning: day 386
I spoke 7 compound sentences in Turkish and some book study accordingly.

PMO study: day 824
Read in Help.Her.Heal about practicing empathy. It is very important to have a soft volume, a warm demeanor and welcoming body postures when the other needs empathy. In many cases the partner is triggering on something and needs empathy to let it go.

Sleep: day 682
Slept around 11 pm. Feel okay

Healthy eating: day 682
Ate a sandwich and some skyr for breakfast and an omelet for lunch. Bought butter chicken at the store for dinner.

Cold showers: day 721
I had two cold showers
Click to expand...
Is you goal to tell the truth and the truth only or it’s more complex than that.
 
Day [151]



What happened today?

  • i woke up at 1 pm
  • I did a functional workout in the gym for 2.5 hours
  • I read 12 pages from “ The champion’s mind”
  • I watched 2 episodes from “ The night Agent”
  • I did 45 minutes of jumping rope at night
  • Right now i’m hanging out with my friends to relax and fresh my mind
Mental wins:

  • I became more into prioritizing myself and my overall health
What I need to fix or improve:

  • My screen time needs to be controlled
  • I need to manage my time better to be more productive
 
Hello
Sleep got improved around 7 hours
I woke up 1 time in night
Little energy was recharged.Little rest
Little physical and mental energy
Little cold symptoms today

Mental health
Well, it hasn't improved at all

Anxiety
No anxiety attack,at moment

Mood
There was no positive mood

Strong urges
I had strong desire
I noticed the physical signs
But I had to stay calm and safe, until it passed.
it soon passed

Brain work out
164 Days
Keep up the pace

Book read challenge
119 Days

Focus time
69 Days

Language learning
69 Days

Meditation
69 Days

Puzzle Time
101 Days

Psyche/Psy knowledge
99 Days done

The rhythm practice
38 Days

Healthy Food
Ending day without wheat,and sugar.
Only natural foods.
No much industrialized, overprocessed foods.

Just one more day
 
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