Accountability Group for 20s/30s M

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by Accountability Bud, Jan 30, 2020.

  1. Accountability Bud

    Accountability Bud Fapstronaut

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    (We aren't currently accepting new members)

    The group’s goal is to encourage regular action from each member. Everyone will post weekly goals, and report back at the end of the week on what they did and didn’t achieve. I will PM members a link to a thread on a google doc where we will have these weekly discussions.

    Rules:
    1. If you don’t post anything for two weeks (unless you’ve told us all you’re away), then you’ll be gently released from the group.
    2. Encourage others but don't be afraid to offer constructive criticism.
    3. Treat other group members with dignity and practice empathy.
    4. Keep your tracker up to date.
    5. Group member names and everything said in group is confidential.
    6. Be honest! If not with us, then with yourself.
    If you would like to join, please reply to this thread with:
    1. Your gender
    2. Your age
    3. How long you have been using porn
    4. The impact pornography use has had on your life
    5. Why you have decided to quit using porn
    6. Your plan to stop using porn
    7. How you intend to follow through with your plan

    A bit about me: I'm a 28M living in Texas. I've used porn since I was around 14 and never stopped watching it for more than a few weeks at a time. I'm doing surprisingly alright in life despite the countless hours I've spent on porn. I've chosen to quit because I know life can be so much better without porn (e.g. more time and energy). I have decided that having an accountability group, among other strategies, will really help me put porn in my past. I plan to stop with this bad habit by having an accountability group, following a sleep-hygiene routine, going on 20m walks 5 days a week, meditating 5 days a week, and by keeping a log of expectations for my day vs. realities of that day and to reflect on that.

    What you can do if you're feeling urges:
    • Cold shower (2 minutes)
    • Have readily available your personal reflections on:
      • The benefits of succeeding with your nofap goals (e.g. testosterone, motivation, energy)
      • The harms of failing with your nofap goals (e.g. erectile dysfunction, objectification of women)
      • Your goals in life and how porn hinders them
      • Why you started nofap
      • How you feel after you masturbate (e.g. regret)
      • What activity to do as an alternative when you feel B.L.A.S.T. (bored, lonely, angry, stressed, or tired)
    • Have short meditation on craving, or even breathing, easily available. Here are a few titles of guided meditations found on youtube.
      • Guided Meditation for Detachment from Wants & Desires (Mindfulness for Over-thinking)
      • Guided Meditation for Cravings and Addiction (10 Minutes) No Music
      • Guided Meditation - Blissful Deep Relaxation
    • Ask if you are B.L.A.S.T. (bored, lonely, angry, stressed, or tired)
    • Humanize object of desire: They were once a child and will one day grow old and die. Like you, they have parents and perhaps siblings and children. They have hopes for the future and have met with tragedy and success in some form.
    • Remember that your mind is going to make up excuses for why it's okay or not a big deal to watch porn this one more time. You should place your trust in the resources you've prepared for yourself when you were most thoughtful and compassionate towards yourself, not in the excuse-making, lust-filled part of yourself.
    • Smile and breathe deeply. This can help get yourself out of an ashamed, exhilarated, or scattered frame of mind that often accompanies lusting porn.
    • Transmute that sexual energy to something productive or healthy (e.g. go for a jog, clean, push-ups, gym)
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2020
  2. Hi, I would like to join this group.

    1. My name is Nick.
    2. I am 26 years old
    3. I have been using porn regularly for about 11 years. For about 5 years, it was a daily occurrence and in the last year, I have gotten down to less than once a week. My longest streak was about 2 months.
    4. Porn has crippled my self confidence, contributed to continued lustful thoughts and materialization of women, and creates a feeling of shame and regret. Additionally, porn and masturbation go against my religious beliefs.
    5. I have decided to quit because this is the one area in my life I need to fix more than any other. It drags me down and holds me back from me being my best self. I made this decision about 1.5 years ago and have reduced porn usage by almost 90%, but I still struggle to avoid it completely.
    6. I think accountability is my biggest problem when it comes to using porn because I live by myself. I have a lot of free time and when I get urges, there is nothing stopping me from watching porn and masturbating. So far, I have been journaling daily about my goals, progress, and failures. Additionally, I meditate each day. I have been chatting with a friend on a weekly basis about my issues and he has coached me a bit, but sometimes we miss our calls and the gaps become too long. I hope a daily interaction will help with this.
    7. I plan to make accountability a daily habit rather than a weekly or biweekly one. I think this will help keep me motivated long enough to wean off of my addiction.
     
  3. Accountability Bud

    Accountability Bud Fapstronaut

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    Hey Nick,

    Welcome to the group and I appreciate your commitment. I believe we can help each other. I'll send the link to the weekly thread on Monday mornings. In the mean time, feel free to update how your days have been on this thread and try to keep your day counter up to date so that I can log our progress.

    We can do this.

    “Luck Is What Happens When Preparation Meets Opportunity"
    - Seneca
     
    reconditioned mind likes this.
  4. Sounds good! I have recently been struggling more the last few weeks than in months past. I suppose I might just be feeling a bit depressed. After being home for Christmas for a few weeks with friends and family, then going back to my normal life may be a contributing factor. I also feel less resistant to my urges too. Hard to place one specific root cause to the issue though. When the idea of masturbating or watching porn pops into your head, what are the things you do to get past it? I feel like I say "yes" more than "no" recently...
     
  5. Accountability Bud

    Accountability Bud Fapstronaut

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    Hey Nick, that's a good question. My lack of an immediate answer is a big reason I've been unsuccessful with dealing with urges. I'm editing the original post to include some tips I've gathered today. Let me know what you think about them and if you have any suggestions to add.
     
  6. Those are definitely some tips that I have heard before, but also some new ones. I will try the cold shower the next time I feel like watching porn. I suppose my immediate thoughts and reactions to the idea of a cold shower are so repulsive, this might be a good option lol. I will let you know how it goes next time...

    I have not heard of BLAST either, but I definitely feel this is something that can be challenging for anyone living alone like myself.

    The guided meditation might be something worth looking into as well. I mentioned I meditate daily, but it is just breathing for the most part. I suspect a focused meditation might help more.

    If you try any of these, let me know what works for you and what your thoughts are and I will do the same!
     
  7. Accountability Bud

    Accountability Bud Fapstronaut

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    Hey Nick, I'm hoping you find success with some of those tips.

    Today was a bit disappointing for me. Even though I knew I'd be alone today (trigger for me to watch porn), I didn't make plans to leave the house. On the plus side, I thought about my sleep schedule and have a strategy to get out of bed a little easier this coming week.

    Since it's just us two in this group for now we can go ahead and just have our weekly goals on this thread.

    This next week for me I will focus on not being alone with electronics and having a healthy sleep routine. Waking up at a reasonable time each day is usually noticeably important for my emotional well-being and helps me get out of the house.

    The list of how I'll achieve this goal is kind of long but the most important points are 1) Have a gentle alarm that wakes me up 10 minutes before a louder alarm that would wake up my family if I don't get up to turn it off on time. That alarm will be in a locked box and its key will be in the yard. It's convoluted, I know, but I have high hopes for the strategy. 2) Have alarms alerting me when to start my wind-down for the night.

    What are your goals Nick?
     
  8. Basilio

    Basilio Fapstronaut

    Hi AB and Nick,

    I'd like to come on board to the group and try this accountability system out. I'm sure we can all help each other!

    By the way, Accountability Bud, thanks for making this group and setting some solid guidelines. It always helps when theres is some organization involved in forums

    Alright, here goes...
    1. Your gender: Male

    2. Your age: 29

    3. How long you have been using porn: I've been using porn since I was probably around 10 years old. So I'd say close to 20 years at least. Wow, its crazy to think its been a part of my life for so long.

    4. The impact pornography use has had on your life: Just the fact that I rely on it to fulfill my sexual needs is a huge downer for me. As soon as I get into a routine of using porn excessively (which I've been experiencing for a few weeks now), I start caring less about going out and interacting with real woman. Its just an overall energy sap, and makes me less motivated and disciplined to seize the day.

    5. Why you have decided to quit using porn: I've been trying to quit completely for so long now. The longest I've gone without watching porn was definitely 1.5 years at least. It was the best feeling because I was actually getting laid a lot and meeting tons of beautiful woman. Its safe to say, I need to get back to that frequency! I've also gone 60 days of no PMO before, and that was awesome. Basically I've experienced the grass on the other side, and its much greener... I just need to figure out a sustainable way to get there again, and stop relapsing.

    6. Your plan to stop using porn: For me, the best way to stop is to have a blocking system on all my electronic devices that can access the internet. For my iPhone, I can set up the restrictions to not view adult sites, and send the password to Future Me (search on Google) however many days in the future and I can't access porn sites until I get the password emailed back, and then I can resend it again. For my Macbook, I'm not able to do that, so I need to figure out a solution. Do you guys know of any good ways of blocking sites, without the ability to change the settings?

      The best things to keep me away from porn is a regular routine of waking up early, spending time on my business, working out 3-4 days a week, and dedicating time to go out and interact with REAL woman. I used to do A LOT of cold approach (talking to random girls on the street), and got fantastic results from that. Definitely something I may have to try again!


    7. How you intend to follow through with your plan: I'm definitely a 'write your goals down, create a system, and execute it kind of guy'. Also I have a good friend who is my face to face accountability buddy, but I need more accountability dedicated to porn, so that's why I am here today. Hopefully you guys can help, and vice versa!
     
  9. Basilio

    Basilio Fapstronaut

    The main reason for why I am here is to go 90 days with no porn, or masturbation. Basically the only orgasm I want to experience, is when I am with women.

    My goals for this week are as follows:

    1) Be in bed by 10-11 pm, and wake up at 7-8 am Monday to Friday, or at lest 5-6 days a week.

    2) Figure out an internet porn blocking system for my Macbook that will prevent me from changing the settings for X number of days.

    3) Start chatting, or at least saying 'hi' to woman when I am out and about in the world.

    Let's do this gentlemen!
     
    reconditioned mind likes this.
  10. Hey Basilio! Welcome to the group :)

    I think you have some great goals that will definitely help set you on the right path. Getting proper sleep and having energy and motivation during the day is super important for my mood and helps give me energy to resist urges as well. Unfortunately, I do not know of any software that can help block adult content websites as you are looking for. I also would like to find something that can be an extra barrier between me and pornography.

    I have tried simple filters, but there is always a way around them and if I want to, I will get past them. I did find this helpful sometimes because it can be a deterrent and force me to think twice before watching porn. I had also thought of just using a password protected program and making a password impossible to remember, then giving it to a friend. I would have to then destroy all trace of the password besides what my friend has. Maybe an idea, but not as good as what you are looking for.

    Either way, if you find something, I would be happy to know about it.

    I only have 2 goals for this week:

    1. Go to the gym right after work without screwing around.
    I find that if I get home and don't have something to do immediately, it can often lead to porn and masturbation. This was a very consistent habit and time for me to watch porn in the past, so if I make it past this period while staying busy, I am much more likely to make it through the whole day.

    2. Make my bed in the morning and make a habit out of it.
    I was watching a video recently with some military general giving a speech that said people who make their bed in the morning are more likely to succeed and fulfill their goals. It shows commitment and taking on a small task gets the ball rolling for larger ones. I already have a morning routine (which I have been doing daily for 6 months) where I get up at 6am on work days- shower, journal, and meditate for 10 minutes before leaving for work. My plan is to make my bed before journaling.

    I will let you guys know how it goes!
     
    reconditioned mind and Basilio like this.
  11. Basilio

    Basilio Fapstronaut

    Thanks Nick!

    I'll definitely let you gents know once I find a blocking system that works. Its been a long search for me lol

    Those are great goals man!

    The goal for going to the gym after work is solid. I find that if I prepare all my gear the day before (bag, shoes, change of clothes, protein powder, etc) I'm much more committed to going to the gym right after work as I've already invested time in preparation for it.

    Making the bed in the morning is huge, I struggle with it myself, but I defs see the benefit.
     
    reconditioned mind and nick2020 like this.
  12. Accountability Bud

    Accountability Bud Fapstronaut

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    Hey Basilio,

    Great to have you in the group and thanks for sharing your story! Freedom.to is a pretty good blocking system that might work for you.

    Both of your goals this week sound good to me. Keep it up and I'm looking forward to hearing about your successes!
     
    reconditioned mind and Basilio like this.
  13. Basilio

    Basilio Fapstronaut

    Thanks AB!

    I've tried Freedom.to before, and unfortunately didn't have the greatest success with it in regards to blocking porn. I'll take a look at it again though!
     
  14. Basilio

    Basilio Fapstronaut

    How are you guys doing with your goals so far?

    Personally the going to bed early and waking up early has been very difficult for me as I just moved into a new place and trying to get things organized. Its no excuse, but it has really F'd up my routine. Tonight I'll be going to bed by 11 pm at the latest though.

    I haven't figured out a solid blocking system yet, but feel I haven't needed it because I've been pretty determined to continue my streak. I know there will be a time of temptation though... so this should defs get figured out.

    I don't think I've said hi to any cute girls this week, I'll need to get on this one.
     
    reconditioned mind likes this.
  15. Hey guys,
    So far this week has been really good for me! I have kept myself quite busy, been energized, and have barely even been tempted to watch porn or masturbate.

    I have managed to make my bed each day (not that it is that difficult) but I do feel like it is promoting me to be more organized and take care of the small things. If I can do this, maybe I can focus on my laundry next week, or do a better job with my dishes the next week. Eventually, I will be a high functioning adult...

    I have also been going to the gym each day. So far it has not been so bad because I was meeting a friend for the last 2 days so I have some accountability. I can't just decide to skip without some repercussions. I feel quite good and energized after going to the gym and this definitely keeps my mood up.

    Basilio, regarding your challenges with the sleep schedule, maybe I have some advice here...
    1. It is quite difficult to just change my sleep schedule by an interval more than 15 minutes in a 1 week period due to my natural brain sleep cycles. In my opinion, I think it is best to make small adjustments each week toward your desired sleep and wake up time. So if you want to go to bed at 10 and wake up at 6 and today you are going to bed at 12 and waking up at 8 today, it might take 8 weeks to make the adjustment, but it will be more achievable.
    2. Consistency is key, so you need to be very disciplined (at least on weekdays). I use the bedtime app on apple which gives me a reminder when to sleep and wakes me up at the same time on weekdays. I also auto-silence my phone during sleeping hours to not distract me in the night or when I am trying to fall asleep.
    3. Try to do as much as possible in the mornings and think about what you do in the evening that you could do in the morning instead. On weekends, I usually have all of my housework, grocery shopping, and cleaning done by 11 am when most people are waking up. I sleep the same amount of time as them, but I just do things in the morning while everyone else is sleeping (and this frees up my entire day). In the evenings, it is very hard to be productive, because you are tired and just want to relax or have fun. However, in the mornings, you have fresh energy and there are very little distractions because most people will still be sleeping.

    Maybe not all relevant comments, but hopefully valuable in some way.
    Keep it up guys!
     
    reconditioned mind and Basilio like this.
  16. Accountability Bud

    Accountability Bud Fapstronaut

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    That's fantastic Nick! It looks like your plan is working to reduce temptations.

    It's been a tough few days for me but I've kept up with my goals. Not wanting to admit failure to you guys has helped me avoid porn in when my plans didn't go smoothly.
     
    reconditioned mind and Basilio like this.
  17. Basilio

    Basilio Fapstronaut

    Super happy to hear about your success this week man. I actually started doing the bed challenge shortly after you mentioned it as well lol, its a good one.

    Also glad to hear you're going to the gym. I'm taking this week off from the gym to let a minor injury heal personally.

    Thanks a lot for your advice on the sleep by the way. I've been trying to go to bed, and wake up in the morning 30 minutes earlier than the day previous, so its slow progress, but progress no less.

    I will start using the Apple alarm too, that way I'll get reminders like you said. I usually leave my iPhone in another room, so I'll keep doing that.

    Also good advice on doing more in the AM vs. PM. I'll have to look at my evening tasks and see if I can move those around to the morning, so I don't feel overwhelmed at night and can sleep better.
    Accountability Bud, I hear ya man. I don't want to admit failure either lol. Keep going!
     
    Accountability Bud likes this.
  18. VeganMoonBoy

    VeganMoonBoy New Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    Hey guys,

    I would love to join this group. I really need a group of people to help me keep my porn addiction on track since this is such an embarrassing thing to talk about in public.

    A little bit about myself.


    1. Your gender: M
    2. Your age: 27
    3. How long you have been using porn: Lord only knows. The first time I saw porn was in the first grade.
    4. The impact pornography use has had on your: Has dramatically affected my confidence in talking to others because I am constantly feeling shameful for what I have done.
    5. Why you have decided to quit using porn: To gain back self confidence and to look a life in a much purer way. Also a big one for me is to get closer to God as I have distanced myself as a result of porn.
    6. Your plan to stop using porn: Post daily on your threads daily. Stay active. Stay healthy. And most importantly stay motivated.
    7. How you intend to follow through with your plan: Stay active in this group. Stay active in the community. Pray and be active in my church.

    If you guys want to have any discussion feel free to PM me.

    Thanks!
     
  19. StayTheCourse2020

    StayTheCourse2020 Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys, I’m brand new to this site but not new to the struggle and need a group of guys to help me out and keep me accountable. I’m a big believer in a group of guys coming together to accomplish something so I’m looking for that.

    1/2) I’m a 25 years old male

    3) I’ve been viewing porn since 12 or so I don’t even know when exactly I started but I started young and have been struggling ever since.

    4/5) I’m wanting to stop for a couple reasons one I hate being a slave to something I can’t control. I’m also married and my I told my wife I’ve struggled with this and she was upset and I stopped for about 6 months but have fallen back into it and desperately want to stop for her and our relationship. And I can tell when I’ve been looking at a lot of Porn I’m not as close to her as I need to be emotionally.

    6) I don’t have a full plan laid out yet but a trigger of mine is being home alone and sometimes that just happens a lot with my workout schedule the way it’s set up so I need to figure something out there. I know if I talk about it with people I am more motivated cause I’m accountable to others as well. I know I need to avoid my phone though so I’ll need to figure out a more set plan so I can check things off the box and not wander through my day.
     
  20. Basilio

    Basilio Fapstronaut

    Hey VeganMoonBoy and StayTheCourse2020,

    Welcome to the group! We got a determined crew of guys here now. Good luck to you two and don't hesitate to post what's going on in your day, or week.

    PS: You guys should update your badge counter. I think it will give you more motivation once you see that number grow!
     
    Accountability Bud likes this.

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