Accountability Group for 20s/30s M

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by Accountability Bud, Jan 30, 2020.

  1. Hero's Journey

    Hero's Journey Fapstronaut

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    Guys it has been 16 good days of my life . But still its just a start of my journey of completely porn free life.
    My strategies have worked so far . I dont think about what I have achieved or what I have to achieve. I do not worry about its benefits whether they are coming or not . Nothing. For me the key is to keep myself busy in productive tasks letting the streak go on its own way and not thinking a slight bit of these matters. I am just committed to NoFap from my core and I focus only on this commitment of mine . And because of my level of commitment I am confident that this is the last time I am fighting Porn.
    I hope you guys are as much committed to make this streak your final streak.
     
    Last edited: May 11, 2020
    Basilio likes this.
  2. Hero's Journey

    Hero's Journey Fapstronaut

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    This is a post from a user of another website :
    [​IMG]
    s8k8


    One of the reasons masturbation is the most difficult negative habit to overcome is that,
    it starts secretly during childhood for many reasons and we become experts at hiding this habit because it starts at a very young age.
    Then, masturbation is not highly discouraged by doctors because of sexual liberation movement and society shies away from it because masturbation is seen as taboo and not discussed openly in society about the scientifically proved negative psychological effects in the brain as it is a habit machine.
    3rdly, masturbation affects even the non alcoholics and non smokers, non - weed users, which means, it is affecting nearly all men except a few special cases only. And since we men walk around with our sexual organs, it’s easily available with us to play with. Unlike cigarettes, alcohol and drugs, you have to get them somewhere, but not in the case of sexual organs, it’s always there available. And since orgasm releases dopamine, just like drugs etc, it becomes one of the hardest bad habits to break.
    So now think about how much of deep mindfulness a man needs in order to keep masturbation out of his daily life. Stay committed.
     
    Last edited: May 11, 2020
    bertranr likes this.
  3. StayTheCourse2020

    StayTheCourse2020 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys been struggling lately and been too prideful to come on here and admit it but I’ve been struggling to get past like 5 days. I know I want to stop but when the urges come it starts off innocent and escalates quickly. It’s annoying cause I’m a pretty disciplined person but I struggled so much with this. I Really need to work on having a schedule on my off days when I’m home alone cause that’s when I’m failing the most. The longest I’ve gone is 28 days and it was amazing and I felt so much better about myself and everything in my life. Really wanting to get to 30 at least. Keep it up guys praying for you all Stay The Course!
     
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  4. Hero's Journey

    Hero's Journey Fapstronaut

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    @StayTheCourse2020; Friend, I have two suggestions for you:
    1. Promise yourself that you won't feel any guilt after the relapse because you know that guilt is completely useless.
    2. Avoid loneliness as much as you can because it is one of the easiest and most common trigger for PMO. Don't try to push your willpower to extreme . Just try avoiding your triggers by using "better safe than sorry" approach.
     
    Last edited: May 12, 2020
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  5. JohnPaulGeorgeRingo

    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone - checking in, I know that I've been distant and that's because things have not been so good at home. Thankfully things are getting better now, and that's all thanks to believing that things are actually able to improve, and we play a part in that (more than we think)

    Here's what's been on my mind, would love some feedback on this front:
    With regards to PMO, I really know that this is a matter of self regulation. Not - trying to be all about biology, but as I'm sure everyone else knows here, through this addiction we are trading short term pleasure for long term fulfillment and 'success'.

    And I have to imagine that, like me, when you reset you feel really badly about yourself. As though I'm weak, or clearly selling myself short etc etc etc.

    Even though I've missed the first few discord calls, I know that I need this community. And regardless of what is going on in my personal life come sunday, believe I'll be there. I want to change this once and for all. I can't keep on living like this in this endless cycle. And I've been so inspired by this community, now I need to do my part and be a responsible and active member of it.

    So, in conclusion, sorry for being distant. I hope that if anyone else who is reading this has become withdrawn from others as a result of their addiction/circumstance - they see that it is possible to transcend that and at the very least try to reconnect.

    The main reason why I wanted to join this group in the first place was because it was so obvious to me how everyone had each other's best interests at heart. You can feel that when you read something (at least that is what I felt) and I know that it is going to take a village when it comes to getting me to 90 days and beyond - and I want to be there for you guys too.

    Sorry for the long post - it had just been awhile since I checked in and I wanted you all to know that I am still in this and am renewing my commitment to the group.
     
    nick2020 and Hero's Journey like this.
  6. Accountability Bud

    Accountability Bud Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the encouragement and sharing @StayTheCourse2020 @CalvinCongruent

    I'm afraid I'm relapsing often too. I feel like a hypocrite on here. But then I remember that anything I ask of you isn't from me, really. It's from wiser and more successful people. The effort to stay active here, to reflect on your goals and ways to achieve them, to arrange your environment in a way to reduce urges, to have a plan for when you do feel urges, to encourage others, to recommit every day if necessary. It's all wisdom I'm trying to apply and help others apply. What I can say about my success is that my time here in this group has helped me turn further from a habit of watching porn than I have ever been in my life. I'm grateful for that and haven't given up. I hope you don't either.

    - Jordan
     
  7. Hero's Journey

    Hero's Journey Fapstronaut

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  8. Basilio

    Basilio Fapstronaut

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    Hey man,

    Honestly, you either don't want it bad enough, or you're not getting enough time to reflect and learn on your setbacks.

    Setbacks and relapses are going to happen on this journey, so don't beat yourself up too much, but rather become wiser each time it happens.

    You do this by reflecting on the failure, and learning how to overcome it.

    You can't implement the same strategies and tactics over and over again when they don't work.

    You should be answering these questions (be specific):

    - What are my urges?
    - When do they usually happen?
    - What am I going to do next time to counteract them?
    - What is my life going to look like if I don't figure this out?

    This is a journey of reflection, and updated strategies whenever things don't work.

    Personally, my biggest urge comes when I am feeling down on myself, its night time, and I've looked at my laptop passed my bedtime. This is a perfect scenario for me to relapse, and I'm sure many reading can relate.

    Instead what I do, is put the phone and laptop away, brush my teeth, get into bed and read until I fall asleep. I take it one day at a time, and every day I become stronger.

    Bottom line, you need to set some time to answer the questions I wrote above and create new strategies to abide by moving forward. Let's get to 30 days @StayTheCourse2020 !
     
  9. Accountability Bud

    Accountability Bud Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for this advice @Basilio !

    I'll try. Here is my plan for when I feel most triggered (when I'm alone):
    • Work on the patio
    • Carry my reflections on why I want to quit PMO in my pocket
    • Participate on this forum as my first habit of the day and seek accountability by telling you all that I'm about to face a period I often relapse in.
    • Turn on notifications on my phone to prompt me to commit to my nofap goals every few hours of the day.
    • Lower stresses for that day by reducing the amount of things on my to-do list and by commiting to intentional breaks in between work sessions.
    • Have a few songs open in my browser that can help sober me.
    Here is a glimpse of my life with and without PMO:
    • With
      • Having more energy, more motivation, and more time (1-2hrs each day) each day.
      • The knowledge that I am someone who isn't a slave to my urges.
    • Without
      • Having less energy and motivation each day. Having a block of around 7hrs a week sunk into something useless.
     
  10. Azox

    Azox New Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys, it has been 7 good days without masturbation but is m still looking forward for days so I can be completely free from it. I should admit that I wasn't easy though but I managed to stand until now.
     
  11. Hero's Journey

    Hero's Journey Fapstronaut

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  12. If you would like to join, please reply to this thread with:
    1. Gender: Male
    2. Age: 29
    3. How long you have been using porn: Since age 12-13.
    4. The impact pornography use has had on your life: Major detrimental impact. Warped my view of sexuality, causes tons of pain. Wasted hours. Interferes with my marriage and wellbeing. The list goes on and on.
    5. Why you have decided to quit using porn: It hurts my life and my wife's life.
    6. Your plan to stop using porn: Post on Nofap, have accountability, watch porn recovery Youtube videos (Mark Q.).
    7. How you intend to follow through with your plan: Post daily and remind myself of the tools I have learned. Actually use the tools.
     
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  13. invig2020

    invig2020 Fapstronaut

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    1. MALE
    2. 35 years
    3. 20 years or so
    4. Ruined my marriage
    5. I want to stop using pornography as I don't want to further damage my life and the pain that comes with repeatedly failing.
    6. I am currently using the ManDontFap app on my phone along with a journal on NoFap. I have so far only reached upto Day 7 and failed and so would like to include myself in an accountability group now. I am also reading the SAA Green Book to better understand addiction.
    7. For the first time in decades I reached Day 7. This has been a great success for me. But I need help to know how to power through once I start to feel that I am OK and its' not a big deal after 7 days to masturbate.
     
  14. Welcome!
     
  15. Hero's Journey

    Hero's Journey Fapstronaut

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    Guys I am sorry I failed today . I am really sorry.
     
    reconditioned mind likes this.
  16. Hero's Journey

    Hero's Journey Fapstronaut

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    CAUSES OF MY DOWNFAll
    1. I have not worked as I planned.
    2. I had too much time extra time to spend.
    3. I was not busy.
    4. I had not followed my daily routine.
    5. I had not used backup plans.
    6. I had not avoided my triggers.
    7. Once started its hard to stop.
    8. I have not strongly committed to No porn No masturbation and No orgasm.
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2020
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  17. Hero's Journey

    Hero's Journey Fapstronaut

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    I am going to bounce back. I have already updated my counter but don"t know why it doesn"t change.
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2020
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  18. JohnPaulGeorgeRingo

    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo Fapstronaut

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    I felt an urge just now, and as per our group call, I’m going to check in here instead of actually go and fill that need. Here were the triggers:

    I was on my bed with my phone.

    I looked at the clock and saw that I needed to get something done that I’d neglected to do earlier in the day.

    I felt lonely

    here’s what I’m going to do instead -
    Open up my bedroom door and put my phone outside

    I’m going to do that thing that I was putting off and set a timer to get it done.

    Set up my goals for the week and write down my routine down in a place that’s visible - and then go for a quick workout and walk.

    by the way - it was great checking in on the call. I felt inspired and more a part of this group and process as a result!
     
  19. tedy26

    tedy26 Fapstronaut

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    Stay strong man. And please don’t beat yourself up. Just learn what caused the urges, and move on.
    It’s only difficult until it’s not!
     
  20. tedy26

    tedy26 Fapstronaut

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    That sounds like a good plan dear. Keep up the good fight!
     
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