Accountability Group for 20s/30s M

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by Accountability Bud, Jan 30, 2020.

  1. Basilio

    Basilio Fapstronaut

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    Congrats to both of you (@tedy26 and @nick2020) for going over 100 days of no porn! This is a huge achievement guys. I bet you two have noticed some significant changes in mindset, and just overall day to day habits since you started. Congrats on this.

    And yes would definitely love to hear more about your guys' advice, or just overall thoughts throughout this time.
     
  2. Basilio

    Basilio Fapstronaut

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    I wanted to mention that the group call this past Sunday was awesome! @nick2020 @Accountability Bud and @JohnPaulGeorgeRingo it was really good talking to you all.

    It's not every day I am able to talk about this part of my life, and also hear about other people's similar struggles and how they are managing it. I definitely look forward to the next call guys.

    I also just wanted to mention here as well, that I challenged everyone on the call to post on the forum anytime they had an urge to PMO. This challenge is open to anyone in this group as well of course. My belief is that setbacks and relapses happen when we least expect them, and if we can be attentive to the subtle triggers that make us want to do it, and figure out ways to lessen their impact, we'll all be better off. Don't wait until it happens, post and talk about here so you can get help and stay accountable.

    For myself, this week has been pretty solid so far. I'm dealing with a lot of troubleshooting work-wise as I'm trying to figure out new technology for my business. Luckily I'm not tearing my hair out yet lol.

    As for any urges, the only thing that I have noticed being a subtle urge is my tendency to search for hot celebrities' photos. Sometimes I see photos of babes in a bathing suit, and I can definitely feel that being a trigger. Obviously nothing close to watching HD porn, but just something I should try to avoid.

    Biggest game-changer for me these past few weeks though have been putting away all my tech around 1 hour before bed. Yesterday I had so much going on that I was in bed by 9 pm. I think the busier one can be with the right tasks throughout the day, the fewer urges to PMO.

    Have a great rest of your week everyone!
     
  3. Really happy to see so much activity these days and energy in the group! Collectively, we have come quite far and it is nearly 4 months since this group was formed already.

    I have been quite busy with work and spending time doing activities that I did not have any time for porn in my life. I used to have a time slot where I would "schedule in" or leave time for my porn and masturbation activity. This is no longer existing and has been replaced with healthier and more fun activities.

    As @Basilio has encouraged me to do, I will try to share some of the biggest changes in myself since I joined this group.

    1. I have a lot of days of freedom. Before, there were no days where I did not think about PMO. These days, especially after 60 days or so, I go nearly 5 days each week without having urges or even having the thought of porn cross my mind. This is the freedom I was looking for in the beginning and I am starting to get a taste of it now. I really only have to hammer out my weekends and then I will be where I want to be.

    2. I am much more comfortable around women. Believe it or not, it is much easier to talk to women when you are not thinking about all of the things you want to do to them in the back of your mind. I am able to make better eye contact, have more focused conversation with empathetic listening than ever before.

    3. I have a better ability to notice details and remember things. This may sound weird, but my memory is amazing now. I barely have to write anything down to remember it. It is like the "haze" or fog that some people describe when they are watching porn is starting to lift. My work is so much easier to multitask and switch between tasks because I am able to pick up where I left off so much easier. I also notice subtle details. I often am able to comment on a change of earrings, nail polish, or mood of my female friends. These are things that I was notoriously bad at catching before and it is just so much easier now. This awareness also helps me identify which women like me more easily based on body language which I can now focus on during our interactions.

    4. People are saying that I look bigger (stronger). I have had several people comment that I have gained some definition and muscle mass in the past few months. Despite not going to the gym, I am still managing to make gains at home. It does not make much sense to me because my routine seems less intense, but I am achieving good results. I can only conclude that noFap is the wildcard that is contributing to this success.

    5. I have so much more time. I of course save time directly through skipping PMO sessions that I used to have in my daily routine. But now, I have this time plus all of the time that I save by not struggling to think about porn or feeling bad about watching it. I also save time in my work by being more focused and making less mistakes. I don't forget things as easily, so I save time there too. My whole life has become more efficient so it is no wonder so many successful people are doing noFap. It just makes sense.

    6. I mentioned this in the discord call last week, but I think I feel more rewarded for little things. I feel more grateful for things such as just having a lunch with a friend or taking a walk in the evening. I think my body is adjusting the dopamine distribution and now giving me little bits when I experience smaller things. Even food seems to be more enjoyable and pleasurable. All of these things foster a greater sense of gratitude in my life which is the foundation for humility and happiness.

    When it comes to mindset, one main thing for me has changed.

    I used to still want to watch porn even though I would tell myself I did not. In the beginning of NoFap, there was a part of me that really wanted to watch porn and it was a big part of me. Over time, that voice got smaller and smaller and eventually disappeared. In order to do that though, I had to say "No" to myself thousands of times. This takes a long time and I started saying "no" to myself over 1.5 years ago already.

    Now when I think about porn that used to get me excited, I actually feel a bit disgusted. It makes me feel toxic and embarrassed for having watched such things. I have started to see the reality of the situation from my "mind's eye" and it is really pretty sick to think about. Me hunched over in my computer chair, beating off to 2 or more people having some form of sexual intercourse on a screen. When I look at my life overall and then "watch" myself do this, I can only question, what the hell happened here? It doesn't seem to be congruent with the rest of my life in any way and it is no wonder I feel shameful after doing such things.


    Going forward, I will focus on maintaining my no porn streak and avoiding masturbation in the process.
    Sorry for such a long post, but I hope it is worth the read and brings some new energy and insight into your own journies.
    Stay strong guys.
     
  4. Basilio

    Basilio Fapstronaut

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    I love this. Thank you for sharing @nick2020. So happy to hear about your success. Keep up the great work!

    I especially resonate with #2. When porn stops becoming routine, the confidence and enthusiasm for real women become magnified. I find even one day of watching porn puts me in a trance of objectifying woman again.
     
    tedy26 and reconditioned mind like this.
  5. Thanks, @Basilio for everything you are posting. I am getting a lot out of it.

    Thank you as well @nick2020 I can relate a lot to the things you've gotten out of this group!

    @JohnPaulGeorgeRingo What's Discord and how does one get into that call?

    Today I had some urges come up, I really wanted to act on them by looking at porn-subs. I didn't go down that rabbit hole so I'm proud of myself. I will continue to go for my walks and read this Reboot Regimen by Mark Q. today. I watched this video by him today:

     
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  6. Accountability Bud

    Accountability Bud Fapstronaut

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    Lots of urges today. Gonna take a walk right now, put on a sobering playlist, read my sheets detailing losses when PMO and gains when abstaining.

    Checking in here helped prevent me from relapsing a few days ago so Im chacking in again for some accountability.

    I hope you all are doing great!
     
  7. tedy26

    tedy26 Fapstronaut

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    That’s a lot of challenge for 3 months man. Congrats!
    I definitely relate to most of what you said. Specially, about having so much extra time. As a result I would say am 2x as productive, if not more, than I used to be before this journey.
     
    nick2020 likes this.
  8. tedy26

    tedy26 Fapstronaut

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    That’s a lot of challenge for 3 months man. Congrats!
    I definitely relate to most of what you said. Specially, about having so much extra time. As a result I would say am 2x as productive, if not more, than I used to be before this journey.
     
  9. Good job on going for a walk. That is exactly what I've been doing.

    Stay strong buddy!
     
    Accountability Bud likes this.
  10. Guys I'm really grateful to have 7 days today. This is not the first time but it feels good to feel some progress.
     
    Accountability Bud and Basilio like this.
  11. Hey guys, I have been having some urges to masturbate this morning for the first time this week. I believe they are due to residual thoughts from last night. I had a long night of vivid sexual encounters in my dreams. These thoughts have sort of taken over my mind into the morning and even after meditating, they are still persisting.

    I think this is the first day that I have had such dreams since starting NoFap. I remember @tedy26 you had similar dreams before right? Did you identify how to "clean out your head" so to speak? I am holding out and trying to focus on other things in order to distract myself in hopes that the thoughts will subside eventually.

    Weirdly enough, most of my dreams dissipate within minutes of waking up, but for some reason, these sexual dreams seem to be more imprinted in my memory. Old me would have been thrilled about this, but now it is just annoying...
     
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  12. Hero's Journey

    Hero's Journey Fapstronaut

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    This is inspirational.
    Thanks.
    You are the leader of this thread. You have written a real experience here. It will help us in our own rebooting process.
    I hope one day we would overthrow this porn thing from our life.
     
  13. Hero's Journey

    Hero's Journey Fapstronaut

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  14. tedy26

    tedy26 Fapstronaut

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    yes, I have strangled with sexual dreams for weeks or may be for a month. I think it’s just a withdrawal symptom of the porn addiction. No need to worry tho, Like any other withdrawals symptom, it will go away once our mind is independent of aspecific neurotransmitter that’s been induced because of the addiction.
    In my case, I didn’t do anything specific it just went away on its own after couple of weeks. I recommend you just continue your mental and spiritual healing process.
    Stay strong
     
  15. I just wanted to check in with you guys. 9 days here. No urges yet. Thank you @nick2020 for the information for the Discord call. I won't be able to make it today but I appreciate it nonetheless.

    Stay strong everyone!
     
    tedy26, Hero's Journey and Basilio like this.
  16. tedy26

    tedy26 Fapstronaut

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    Hey everyone, hope all of you are doing fine.

    I just checked in to let you know I had that I was very tempted to go back to M last Saturday. I was in the office alone. And when I was watching YouTube, I came across a kissing prank. And I saw a couple of them. But after some min, I found the courage to stop it and call a friend to diverge my attention. youtube and movie sex scenes have always been the most challenging temptations that have been pulling me back to PMO. I have decided that I won’t see YouTube or movies alone.

    Stay strong Guys
     
  17. tedy26

    tedy26 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man, it’s very informative video.
     
  18. njob93

    njob93 Fapstronaut

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    I’m looking for an AP, hopefully someone out there would be interested? I’m 27, straight, male, and located on the East Coast of the USA. 16 days into this journey and I could really use that extra hand to ensure I kick it for good.

    If anyone is interested send me a DM!
     
    reconditioned mind likes this.
  19. Basilio

    Basilio Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for posting @tedy26! I have very similar urges too when I come across stuff like that on YouTube. Good on you for catching it, and updating us.
     
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  20. Basilio

    Basilio Fapstronaut

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    Guys, the urges got pretty strong for me the past few days and all of a sudden it hit me all at once. I was 32 days strong of no PMO as of last night, but ended up masturbating.

    Overall I don't feel discouraged, or that I failed because my personal goal is to not watch porn, and luckily I did not succumb to doing so (win!). With that being said, masturbating is a gateway to watching porn for me (as many can relate), so I want to make sure I post here before it can potentially lead me down the rabbit hole of porn again.

    I've written a list of reasons below as to why this happened. I made the content a "spoiler", just in case some of you don't want to get triggered. Overall I kept my descriptions mild, so I'm sure most of you will be ok reading it:

    • This past weekend I was hanging out with a good friend, and out of nowhere he showed me photos and a video of this girl he has been dating. The photos were of her naked and a short video of them having sex. I basically told him "Dude stop showing that me that sh*t", but he continued to put it in my face and show me the material. Luckily the video was like 10 seconds and didn't show genitalia. His doing this didn't surprise me because he has done it in the past, and I've known him for many years so I do consider him a good friend despite the fact. Now that I am on this no porn journey though, I want to control any possible triggers that I can... and this situation didn't help. My friend knows that I'm not watching porn, but obviously doesn't understand the extent of it. Does anyone have advice as to how I should handle this next time?

    • The other night, I saw two homeless/junkie people (guy and girl) having sex in the alleyway from my patio. I was disgusted, but at the same time... a little turned and had a tough time looking away. They were in a grungy corner and high on drugs, so there was nothing romantic about it all, but it did get my mind full of weird thoughts after the fact.

    • This one is more of a plus than a negative, but I think it did have a direct effect on me masturbating. I was running errands the other day, and saw a girl that I knew back when I was in high school walking towards me with her friends. I locked eyes with her for probably 2-3 seconds, and I felt a sudden adrenaline rush. She is super gorgeous, some would say a 10 if we're going to go with a rating system. Neither of us smiled at each other, the looks we gave was more primal than anything. Like "hey, let's get into bed together right now!". I got home that day and couldn't stop thinking about her. This led me to creep her on Google and FB when I got home. When I got into bed, she was still in my thoughts, which is what led me to masturbate to relieve myself.

    Thanks in advance for reading. Any thoughts or feedback would be greatly appreciated as well :)

    My goal is not to masturbate for at least another 2-4 weeks just to keep the porn-watching trigger at bay.

    I hope everyone is staying strong!
     
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